johnnyrunner

Now before we judge her past, I feel I should confess:
Well, my number count is higher than 27, and I've done some things that bother her.
-I've had threesomes
-My exgirlfriend had barely moved out before she and I were together
-My last girl and I had an "open" relationship. Had an 18 year old live with us for a while
-I've slept with some people I work with and interact with them on a daily basis

So I can't sit on a throne here and shake my head at her. But I don't think I can deal with it. It's irresonsible. It's wrong. I want to get over it so bad, but there's just too much pain. We're going to give it two weeks of not seeing her. But i'm pretty sure it'll be much longer than two weeks.

skycatcher

maybe this will help you a bit.

Guy and Girl date.

Guy cheats on girl. They break up.

Girl sleeps with random guy to get back at "guy."

Guy finds out about it and is pissed off like never before.

Guy sleeps with girl then finds out that his girl had slept with yet another guy.

Guy is pissed off.


Why? Noone knows. Why is the guy pissed off? He has no right to be and he's doing the same thing that the girl is.

But here is the difference. Guys tend to be territorial.

You walking down the street with your stipper girl is nice because lots of men will look at you and say damn he's lucky. But some may look and say oh she's that stipper that slept with my friend or even I've hit that a few times, etc...

Her being a stripper or sleeping with a lot of guys isn't really your problem. Its knowing that many many men have been inside of her and that there isn't shit you can do about it. You feel like you've picked up someone's sloppy seconds.

If you really love the girl it shouldn't matter but yet it does. If you didn't love her I don't think you'd be having those feelings and just deal with it.

If you can't get over it then you can't. It's as simple as that. You move on and deal with the pain of not having her and you may feel better.

It's your life, your stripper woman, your feelings, and your sleepless nights. Weigh the outcome and stick with your decision.


All thoughts are solely for the reading enjoyment of webrats. If these thoughts deem to be worthless or provide absolutely no useful infornation to solve your problem then I appologize.

Juan.©amaney

We aren't judging her, you are. Which is cool. It's your life and your feelings. If you can't honestly live with it, its cool. Seriously tho, next time around, if you find a nice girl, don't answer any questions about your past.

I always tell any new girl I date that I'm a virgin. I know they don't believe me, but its a funny way for them to not harp on the subject.

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johnnyrunner

You're right Juan. Skycatcher you've got some good advice.
This is so fucking weird. I've dated a lot, and aside from dealing with my girlfriend before being with my best friend, I've never cared about this stuff. But once I realized I wanted to marry this girl, everything went to shit. I've never wanted to be married, ever (I cite this website: www.shavedgorillas.com/marriage.html)

But once I realized she was it, then her past became an issue. Yes I did know she was a stripper before. But as more details came out the less happy I was about it. AND we have all the guys-she-slept-with part. It's kind of a lot to soak in, which is why I'm spending the next two weeks not talking to her to sort through all this. Rationally I could break it down like this:
- She doesn't have any kids
- She's never been married
- She is the one I want to be with

That last one keeps tripping me up. If she is the one I want to be with, then her past wouldn't be a problem, right? So If I'm getting this worked up about her past, then maybe it's because I don't want to be with her. Or maybe it's just some juvinile pre-pubescent shit I've got to work through. I don't know. But she's a redhead, and I advise all of you to avoid redheads.

Juan.©amaney

Might be just some hurdle you have to overcome. If she is faithful, if she is fun to be around, and if she is the one you really want to be with, her past is just that. You're in Vegas, bro. Vegas stripers are...well you know. Do a little soul searching like you got planned, then let us know what you came to. If you are still on the same boat, give it another week. Marriage is something you really wanna do just once, so take your time. If she is cool with waiting while you come to, then she is worth it. If she is gonna bail, then maybe it was for the better.

Either way, be prepared for both scenarios.

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ShyGuy

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Forget about her past. What is important is the present and future.... and as long as you like her who cares! Don't look at that past, it will most likely do more harm then good.

straycat66

Anymore you arent going to find a woman that hasnt slept with several guys, of course different circumstances, no like i said in my previous post the past is the past and you shouldnt allow that to get in the way of having something that could be good, HOWEVER.....If you dont trust her by all means you did the right thing by moving on, Good Luck.

Raymond Babbit

Well, even though I'm only 18, I've actually had this experience too. My first girlfriend, by her own admission, had a hard time saying "No" for a long time. This ended when something really bad happened with one of her exes, which resulted in her not only saying no a lot more often, but actually quitting sex all together, not long before she met me. We've since broken up, only because I'm now in college, and she's a high school senior, so we live an hour apart from each other. If not for that, we'd probably still be together. Anyway, I had the same problem. I knew she'd fooled around with a lot of guys in the past, and I got nervous. Not cause she had more experience or whatever, but because I was worried that, well, maybe she hadn't changed, maybe I was just another one. Well, during the 6-7 months we were together, I realized she had changed, and that she loved me, and would never cheat or whatever. The odd thing is, even though we're not together anymore (although she's still one of my best friends...more of a brother/sister type relationship now), when I hear her mention something from the past now, I still get a little...........freaked, inside. But I know it's not worth making a big deal about. Dude, I know it's hard to deal with that kinda shit, but if the relationship's good, and she's changed, you need to learn not to worry about it. It's not worth it.

mermaidhunter

Some advice from an "oldtimer"....don't ask what you don't want to know, and never, ever tell the truth about the number of past experiences you've had....

johnnyrunner

While I respect your position mermaidhunter, I can't agree. I believe honesty to be very important in a relationship you plan on taking seriously. Hell, if I was able to lie I'd have never told her how it bothered me, so that I wouldn't have subjected her to the pain I have. And I sure as shit wouldn't have told her some of the things of my past that bother her.

Again, there was a time in our relationship when I not only wasn't bothered by her past, I found it damn hot.

While I agree you don't need to harp on the past, I don't believe you should outright lie to someone you care about. It sets a bad tone for the rest of your relationship. I tried not to ask her, by the way. I was quite content in my ignorance, but I already knew she was a stripper. Man that one kills me. I wish I knew why it bothered me so, especially since it was five years ago. I mean, I am not a chaste man. For example, I spent last night getting chased by a divorced tennis player who kept telling me how great she is at anal sex, after that I was buying the hookers at the MGM beer (they work so hard for the money, and no I didn't sleep with them).
I have no idea why I'm so bothered. I want to know why it bothers me so much, and -if it's a stupid reason- how I can get over it. The sleeping with a lot of guys thing I can work with.... but....

But it's all just too much too fast. i'm three days into this "two week hiatus" and already things have spun into shit. I almost slept with that divorcee last night. i didn't, but I almost did. That really isn't right. I shouldn't have wanted to talk to her at all, but I guess angry, hurt, and drunk aren't good combinations when you're on Las Vegas Boulevard.

Regardless, thanks for the feedback, but I don't think your advice is too useful since Pandoras box is officially open.