Shiva88

As I said, it really is a long story. Let it suffice to say that I had plenty of reason to be suspicious, and felt absolutely horrible about reading through her email. Before I did it I promised myself that I would tell her what I'd done whether I found something or not. This all occured after we moved home for the summer (we're from the same hometown, about 200 miles from where we go to school), and email was the best way for her to keep in contact with her friends from school, and therefore the logical place for me to check. As for the maturity of my actions, I truly don't think anyone, knowing the full situation, would really question that I had sufficient cause to be suspicious.

IXxYodaxXI- thanks so much for your reply. I was really hoping to get some words of wisdom from someone who'd experienced my situation, because I know now that before this happened, I never could have related with someone in my situation having not experienced it myself. I believe my situation is very similar to yours, in that I trust she's truely regretting the occurance and doing everything in her power to make our relationship work. The issue is whether or not I can, and at this time I'm not sure (which pretty much means "no"). I'm just not certain I've given it enough time, I guess.

kulotsalot

There is no yardstick for healing, because every person deals with things at a different rate. "Enough time" is what is enough FOR YOU, not for me, not for anyone else in this forum. Do not be afraid to make decisions, because decisions, even bad ones, help us learn and grow. If you had plenty of reasons to be suspicious then this can't be a very healthy relationship no matter how great the facade is (parents love you, great sex, rare fights etc). I mean you must've been good on the outside, but rotten on the inside. If both of you can get through this, congratulations. But, with both of you sneaking around, and with what-if thoughts running through your head all the time, I think it will be very very hard to pull off.

Juan.©amaney

You would need to deal with your controlling issues before you even began to think about forgiving and getting back with her. Dataloggers are not healthy, dude.

You can go about the forgiving and stuff like I did when one of my exes did something similar...3 years later, we were bitter and mean to each other and never once really forgave what happened...we just pretended to. Either way, the longer you wait the more it will hurt.

The only high school sweethearts I ever heard of surviving through college and LDR's are those that truely stayed faithfull and were devoted to each other. The rest that went your way with partners cheating got married and divorced or just split up alltogether.

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sam3722

Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. Don't confuse them...but try to do the former.

There is NO harm in only knowing one woman. Don't let anyone fool you. You'll probably be curious even if you had known 100 women (the grass is greener syndrome).

Three months is a very short period of time. You probably need more.

KC Sikwitit

You just have to ask your self if you trust her anymore. No relationship will work out if you can't trust each other. And it's a really bad idea to bang another girl out of spite, your regret will eat you alive.

Wilken

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There's an old saying. Well, maybe it's not so old.

If you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY SURE that your significant other isn't cheating on you, know deep down in your heart of hearts that there's no way they would even THINK about it.....then they might be.


If there is one tiny little doubt, one little moment where you might suspect something might be going on with someone else....

then they are DEFINITELY cheating.



I would say move on. It will be better long term for both of ya's. And when in doubt, take Juan's advice. He's usually right on this type of stuff.

straycat66

This relationship lacks trust, and for a good reason she cheated on you. I will say that I think something made you instal that keylogger. Something wasnt smelling right and you wanted to confirm it. Well you did , I have been down this road however I didnt use a keylogger I moniterd cordless phone conversations by way of a police scanner. And it proved that my girlfriend at that time was fucking some guy that she swore up and down was out of her life when our relationship was getting serious. From all of this I learned a valuable lesson and that was you can not have a good relationship without trust. In a relationship you should not even have thoughts about doing what you did with the keylogger or what I did with the scanner, when it gets to the point that you feel you must do something like this its already over. My advise is no matter what she says BREAK IT OFF FOR GOOD ! Save yourself alot of grief and stress and move on. You will find someone in time that you will never think of a need to check up on them. But seriously... END IT.

sainton

most of the advice here is is based on the assumption she isnt doing it anymore. the fact is women are very sneaky and im very suprised u caught her a 2nd time. that being said she is probably still doing it and chances r u will not catch her again until she wants u 2. dont fool urself if u think shes cheating she probably is and if u search deep down inside u know it. dont b her sucker,go out and do whatever and WHOEVER
u want and go on with life.

pathos

Rene decartes in his great work wrote:
What is done, can not be undone"

This was an elemental truth and very apt to your situation. What relationship you had before the wandering is gone and will never come back. The fact that you had a keylogger implies that you already knew some thing has changed. I would seriously look at what you really want out of this or any relationship.

tsmo

The fact that you were both virgins could have played a big role on this. I dont hear of two couples who were virgins remaining with their one and only..

My wife was a virgin when we met in highschool. I was not. I knew this had a small impact on our relationship ( as I was her 1st boyfriend etc.. ) and.. while Im trying to come up with the best way to explain this.. I knew she needed the um., experience per se.. and that it would do our relationship better in the long run. so we broke up. ( we always broke up so I wouldnt be cheating.. ) but this time... she found herself a new boyfriend.. so in a sense. she got to soil her royal oats as well.. we of course got back together within that year, and moved on.. I was never jealous. I was never bitter... I was fucking someone else. so was she. she got to experience someone other than me.. which in my twisted mind.. I thought was good for her. no biggie.
It could have gone either way.. she could have found her new toy as "the one" but didnt.. that was me and I was the same way. as much as I stepped out. no one compared. so I always went back. no one is the same. everyone has different expectations on how a relationship should and shouldnt go.

I personally think you need to take that break. get some other pussy. and figure out for yourself your original stuff is what was made for you. that whole your lock was made to fit my key thing.. If she cant handle it.. so be it. she made the decision to begin with, now its your turn. dont feel shitty about it. sex is different than love. go have some sex dude. your too young not to have gone out and enjoyed yourself.
In the end. if it was meant to be.. it will be.

good luck

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I'm a terminal non-achiever

gadfreakinzooks

stick a fork in it, its done. kick her in the a$$ and throw her out the door. time for a change.life is too short to be worrying about that crap.
at least you are not married to her.

othinn

I was with my girlfriend for 2 years when she cheated on me. I was away at college (1st year) and she was finishing high school. She never really had many friends outside of mine so when she made one, I was ecstatic for her. We would all hang out when I came home every weekend (a 3 hour drive each way) and then her and I would have our alone time. I had a bad feeling about it all but I just brushed it away until a week after school ended she woke me up at 4 in the morning, took me to a park and told me that she cheated. I broke my hand over the telephone pole and we both took some time to reflect about things. We had been talking about engagements and we'd been committed to each other (until then). That was 3 years ago and we just got married last July. We're in love and she hasn't cheated since. She worked hard at fixing it because I stayed in the mentality that everyone deserves a second chance, but I did nothing wrong. She had to fix it and <i>prove</i> to me that she knew she messed up and wanted to make things work. That situation really hurt us but it helped us grow, too. It's not something I would recommend for a relationship for the positive, but you just try to learn a lesson from everything. If you honestly and truly care for her and you honestly and truly think she's going to work her damnest to have a successful relationship, then be selfish and do what you want to do. Don't do it for her b/c you have to do what's best and right for you. She screwed up and you have to make a difficult decision from it. What would you tell someone else going through the exact situation, all personal emotions aside?

kinkaid

That's a pretty mean and hateful thing of her to do. Sleep with another guy when previously only you two had been together. I'd let her go. She's not YOURS anymore. Did she give any reason for doing this to you (drunk, after a big fight)?

ctroadrunner

I would drop her. You will never be able to trust her again. What you had was special and she threw it away. Find someone that won't cheat and you will be much happier. Once a cheater always a cheater. You don't want to live like that. It's not any fun. You'll be supprised how fast you get over her when you start dating other women. She is nothing special or she wouldn't have hurt you like that.