spazzvogel

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Ok folks so I met this woman (she's 29, I'm 22) where I live and we went out on a date. When I first met her, she talked about her family, school, past relationships kinda normal banter I want to talk to gauge you kinda of stuff. We end of talking for quite a while and we exchange numbers.

Well I'm not sure how I stumbled upon it, but I was at a highschool website that my friend sent me to for some reason and noticed that it was her school also and decided to check her out. It was not pretty. She also hasn't told me this stuff. She was writing to her classmates saying that they treated her like shit in highschool, she doesn't give a rats ass about them. That part I can understand. But then she goes into how the child that she had was a product of her being raped and how she's been in many abusive relationships (sex, drugs, physical). There were some other stuff too, but I'm not concerned about that so much.

Now this is where I get to the help me guys. I know that I'm not going to hold her being raped against her, poor girl, that's a disgusting dreadful thing to do. But I am worried that her wiring might be a little loose upstairs (like she didn't have treatment and just pushed it aside) that might manifest itself in certain ways. Also, if she has been going out with all of these assholes and I know for damn sure I was brought up better than those fucktards, why would she be interested in me?

I mean I like the woman, am totally intrigued by her presence, mind and beauty. It's just I need someone to help me out here. I have never encountered a woman that feigned interest in me that was that disturbed. Am I just tripping, should I run for the hills, or just go with it because I like her and fuck the rest? Please help me out guys/gals.

Wilken

One side of me says, "hey, have a good time, if you like spending time with her, then spend time with her....etc".

A much more rational side is saying that you need to run far and fast. She may be able to keep all those inner demons at bay for a date or two, but sooner or later you're both going to be eating dinner and she's going to go off on you for splitting up the salt and pepper shakers. Actually, I wouldn't run just yet, but I would say feel her out a little more, spend some time, be intrigued, but have one foot already out the door - because trouble is brewing.

Juan.©amaney

That woman will treat you like a king if you are nice to her. She's been fucked over royally...she knows what she wants now. If she is someone you can spend the rest of your life with, do it. At 22...I wouldn't, so I'd keep her as a friend and make sure you provide your own rubbers if it happens.

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kulotsalot

This is precisely why she didn't tell you... she knows that her secrets will scare off potential boyfriends. It was your first date. You don't say everything on the first date. Plus you are young - how serious will you be about her if she wants to start over and settle down? If she tells you everything and you're like "Whoa... just friends!" think of how vulnerable that would make her feel. No one likes to be rejected, and with things like these in your past it's even scarier because the probability of being rejected is higher. Like it or not, people tend to judge and you instinctively think that she will not change/cannot change. Maybe she's done with the crazy stuff now. Give her a chance to open up to you - maybe she will tell you someday.

EyeminmyPrime

I'd definitely go on a 2nd date. Maybe in a roundabout way bring up High School again and see f she says anything or if she mentions any of that in other conversation.

She may be a honest girl, but first dates are intimidating enough without adding all that drama in.

spazzvogel

Thanks everyone, so far some good sound advice. I'm very aware of what you are talking about Kulotsalot. I'm going out of town to Fairfield (not that fair) for the next three days. Won't be able to see her, talk yes. I'll keep you guys updated, maybe something else will stir up or maybe nothing more at all. But again Thank you people.

TheMooninites

She is interested in you because when she was younger she just had a holes and now she realized she don't wanna be treated like crap any more and go for a better guy.

Like Juan.©amaney said, she will treat you great if your nice to her because of her bad past.

I have been with 2 girls who have been raped in the past, one of which I am with now.

It can be a touchy subject and all that, just be understanding and don't bring it up and it should be fine. She probably has issues still because of what happen to her but if your understanding enough it should be fine.

throatyogurt

I agree with Wilken.

Juan, TheMoon; my ex had similar issues and I treated her like a queen. Yeah, she treated me OK at first. But that was it, OK. I wasn't treated like a king, and it got worse. WAY WORSE.

I'm thinking the rape / abuse thing could lead to some big issues. It did with me. Maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe none of that will matter. But, I'd be skeered. Let us know how it turns out.

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CD

I don't agree with bringing up High School. She may get suspicious. Just go into it without any hesitations. If you think she's not right then you can end it, but don't try looking for crazy if it's not there anymore. All people need a fair shake at romance and you'd be an ass for digging into her past based on prior knowledge. If she wants you to know then she'll tell you because she feels something towards you.

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elbenio

Ok, So I think the best thing you can do in this situation is take things slowly. Everyone has a past, some more gruesome than others. But everyone is also entitled to move on from them, and learn from them. Maybe this is her time to deal and move on.
The flip side is that she hasn't. And believe me that can get ugly. If she hasn't, just because you treat her like a queen (if that is how you choose to do things), it won't mean she won't start freaking about how she thinks she is getting treated. I have that problem with my wife sometimes. No matter how I do things, I'm always doing something wrong.
The question will become how mush are you willing to take, and how much do you care about this woman. Bare in mind that you have really only just begun to know her. There could be a million reasons why things don't work out, and they are just as likely to get in the way before all of this does.
Take it slowly, figure out what you want, and what se wants. Then, if they are compatible, start thinking about addressing these issues together.

Hope that all makes sense

ff7799

Listen, I think you should persuade her into getting some couseling and if your serious then go with her to these sections for support, this way she can get it out in the open. If she's telling the truth then their are people whom can help and if she's in denial then they can also help her to open up on this. Dealing with women whom are sexually abused or think they have been sexually abused can be difficult their may even be something else that she's trying to cover for. Anyway I suggest that if you really love her then don't ditch her, I almost ruined a friend of mines relationship because his GF had some metal issues and I have to no think about it sometimes or else I'll start kicking myself for almost ruining the best relationship he's ever been in. I won't say its been easy for him but the girls definetly a keeper, and like Juan said she'll treat you like a king. I hope I'am not banned again for saying this but be better than that you shouldn't label people or be too judgemental and everyone has a past and issue's, if your looking for a quick fling then go find one but if you seriously feel something for her then stay with it. I'am not grown up enough yet to deal with such stuff but If your really grown up then you'll make the right decision. And also stop listening to what others say because in the end its your decision and your happiness.

Wilken

Going to conseling sessions with a girl (er..woman) he just met at 22 sounds way out of the ballpark for something that you should have to do. I may just be an ass for saying so, but if it were me, I would forget all that noise. You can have a meaningful relationship with a different girl who doesn't have as much baggage.

ff7799

yah know not every girl is the same. Sometimes only god knows why some people attract to each other.

clamsrus

Everyone carries baggage of some sort.......if you're lucky she's moved beyond it and without damage.....if not, it will colour your relationship in some way......whether it be areas of conversation she won't go, or lack of trust triggered by past experience, or projection of the wrongs others inflicted on her onto you. I deal with raped and abused women on a fairly regular basis, and I'd have to say there are few who move on, grow beyond it, and can put it all into the larger perspective of human experience. In the main I can always see it in their eyes long before it becomes an open topic....a whipped dog look which they can't hide. If I don't see that, I know she's moved on...if it's still there then no matter how mature she is and how sensitive you are, it will probably bite you on the bum eventually!!