sakkie

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OK, so one of my friends just ended an 8yr relationship and says he ready to now go and meet new girls at clubs. Problem, he is very shy and afriad of rejection or looking like a fool (since he's been out of the game for so long)

Now the other night we were at a club, some chick was rubbing his ass and feeling him up. What did he do, nothing.

So, he's asked for some tips on what he can do to overcome his shyness and to grow the balls to go chat up chicks. ie. what are good openings, do's and dont's. I told him to just be himself but yeah I dont think that's going to work. Unfortunately I wont be able to go to clubs with him to help him out in person due to work commitments, so I thought I would get some input from here to put in a list for him.

Thanks!

ff7799

First off when at the club don't be too obvious. If their is a girl you like briefly make eye contact with her and then take it away. Act like you didn't even see her even though you both know you did. If she's alone wait 2-4 minutes after making the initial eye contact and then make your move on her however be careful their are vultures all around make sure to survey the area. Also when batting out of your league you have to have alot of confidence, self awareness is a bitch. Also getting on the dance floor and dancing with a girl thats all alone always isn't a bad thing to do however generally girls dance with many other girls in packs so its good to always have a wingman to break it up.

Greenfire

The first thing you need to figure out is does he want to change. If so, then get him a book on self confidence. From the sound of it, he is not lacking in potential, just needs the confidence to do something/anything.

TheMooninites

So a girl was rubbing up all him feeling up his ass and he does nothing, damn he really does need help.

Well, you came to the right place so onto the help.

Him being out of the game long does make it a bit hard for him unless of course at some point he cheated on his girl. Well, since you think him being himself isn't gonna work then I think since he is so shy that when he goes to clubs and such places he should first scope out the room then see who he thinks he could get and wants the most.

From there just position yourself near those quote on quote targets and if they send him signals his way to prompt him to go up to them then he should go up to them.

He of course could buy a drink for a lady but he should only do this for the girl he thinks he can get the most to increase his ability of success.

From there its all about what happens next, if he is not much of a talker then he may have a problem with that part.

Or he could simply kick it and wait for a girl to approach him but usually a guy or girl who does such a thing needs to exude some sense of confidence to attract who they want so if he can't do that then this option is not for him.

Though I do suggest that your friend goes out with a wing man to the clubs or with a bunch of friends to make him more comfortable therefore making him less shy with the ladies.

Once he gets with a girl for the first time and gets a little I think things should fix themselves as he will have more confidense after that.

ff7799

Try getting him drunk, it sounds like he might have self-awareness issue's alcohol can possible solve that.

IamSPDRCR

Just get him some E and he will do the rest on his own.

kulotsalot

NO SMART-ASS REPLIES IN THE VAGINARIUM! THIS IS YOUR WARNING.

Juan.©amaney

Warnings are off...they should know better.


There is absolutely nothing you can do to your friend or for him to get him out of the funk or help him re-learn his game. Let the urge of not getting any for a while help him regain whatever skills he needs to get a girl...game evolves, it doesnt get taught nor is it learned.

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bohica mike

My advice......Tell him to be himself and adopt the Mike DiMone (Fast Times @ Ridgemont High) attitude. If he goes to talk to a girl and he's scared shitless before he even gets to her....he's lost already. He needs to adopt the thinking that he's the pooh and she needs to take a real big whiff. He needs to realize that there is more than one woman in a bar.....we've all been turned down at some point....we just pick up our sack and move on to the next one. But that's just my advice.

kulotsalot

This might be the girly way of going about things, but what the heck, I'll throw in my 2 cents!!

I think if he goes to a place where he can meet girls, his goal should NOT be to have her naked in his bed but to just talk. You don't just become un-shy overnight. You have to shed the shyness slowly, and he has to go at his own pace. If he goes there just to talk and have a good time with friends there is no fear of rejection, and maybe it'll slowly get him to be more comfortable around girls. Also, try to keep the conversations light and short - say goodbye before she says goodbye. That way he feels like he had control of the situation and didn't get "rejected" and if it was a fairly decent conversation it leaves the girl wanting more.

RickJames

I have this problem on occassion...the way to solve it, honestly? Get really drunk, go with wreckless abandon, and either you succeed or you fail. If you fail, you wont remember in the morning. If you succeed, you get laid and you've got a confidence boost for next time. Its all in the confidence, and I sadly lost a lot of mine after a breakup. I can remember a girl in high school telling me that I was attractive only because I was confident, did what I want and didn't care about failure. I thought the confidence speech was bullshit until then.

sakkie

Thanks for the advice guys (and girls)

Yeah I think the initial problem is just with the approach, he seems to be a good talker to the girl (took him to a bar last night and introduced him to a girl I knew and after the initial few whats your name, what you do, it went fine). Spoke to him afterwards to find out what the deal was with the problems the other night, and it seems as above just scared to initiate the first contact due to fear of looking like a fool. At the bar he probably talked for around 40 minutes or so and even got her number, but at the club one doesnt have that luxury of having idle conversation. He said he is fine with opening conversations with strangers, just struggles a bit with the first few sentences that gets the ball rolling. I told him not to use any cheesey pick up line just a "hey how you doing having a good time etc"

lol @ the E comment, yeah boosts confidence and makes one heaps friendlier but male parts kinda dont work while on it so it's really only good to use to gauge how good your game is (if you can still remember anything from the night before)

Jpap013

I believe that no one is out of anyones league because if you believe that then a lot of other guys probably do too.

maybe thats why I am dating a wicked hot blonde chick right now.

michaeljohn

Well, here is my input. Your friend was in an 8 year relationship, now wants to meet girls in clubs. Clubs are not a place to meet girls for a LTR. (Long term Relationship) Think of clubs as a place to score. A confident guy will walk into a club and pick which girl he wants to leave with, and then do just that.

Start by looking for signs of a woman's availablility. If she is in a deep conversation with a gf, she is not available. If she is running her hands through her hair, looking in a compact mirror, or other body language "hints", she is available.

Once you find a target, use your own charm talents to get in her head.

Ok, now, here are the negatives with meeting girls at clubs, and there are many. My focus is on why clubs are no good for LTR's.

1) People that are drinking will act and say things differently than when they are sober. So, if you "get a phone number", be prepared to meet a whole new girl. She may have a husband or a boyfriend she didn't tell you about, etc. So all the wonderful perceptions of this lady you had will go right out the window.

2) If she goes home with you that night, she does so with others as well. Do you want a LTR with this kind of girl? Is she capable of having one?

3) Not to mention the STD danger with 2) above. Use protection.

4) Ok, so you invest your time scoring in clubs. Surprise, you are nowhere near getting a new LTR.

5) Drinking and Driving. You have had a few. Your life is on the line when you go home, with her, or by yourself. Even if sober, there are other drunks on the road and your nightlife has put you into this risky time frame. Do some research into the cost of a drunk driving conviction. Upwards of 25K spread over 7 years.

6) Some girls go to clubs just so guys will buy them drinks. Cheap way for them to have a good time, and you get let down in the end when you don't score.

Someone in a relationship for 8 years obviously has the ability to sustain another LTR. Look for girls in other places. Even if you try clubs for awhile, you will be alone in the long run, or miserable sooner than you think if something actually develops from a "score" at the local singles hangeout.

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