Big Rob

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does anyone have any good jokes???


:joshers:

Big Rob

YOU GUYS SUCK = NO ONE KNOWS ANY JOKES!@!@!@!@!@

peptofunk

theres this lady in the supermarket and she puts down on the counter stuff like eggs, milk, etc. this drunk guy (played by peptofunk) walks up behind her, takes a good look at the stuff on the counter then looks at the lady and says "you must be single" the woman was shocked, she looks at her stuff then asks the guy "how'd you know?" he replies:




"BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKIN' UGLY"

Big Rob

little jonny is in the park one day sitting on a bench eating candy bars (snack size)

an older man walks by and sees jonny eating the candies one after another. after about the 6th one the old man says to jonny

'You know - that much candy is not good for you. You could get pimples, gain too much weight, even become a diabetic...'

jonny looks at the old man with an evil grin and replies
'yeah, well my gramps lived to be 114 years old.'

the old man asks him
'did he eat that much candy?'

jonny with the same evil look tells the old man
'No, but he knew how to mind his own fucking business...'

ratt_finkel

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heres one


LIBERAL OR CONSERVATIVE?

You're walking down a deserted street with
your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a
huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming
obscenities. In your hand is a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot.


You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do
you do?


__________________________________________________ ________________


Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that
is inspiring him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think?


What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?


Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want
to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?


If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some
friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.


__________________________________________________ __________


Conservative Answer:

BANG!

ratt_finkel

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and another....*long* well worth it though


ANGER MANAGEMENT


For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone, don't
take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone
call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and
dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I
politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please
speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was
slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her.
(I had transposed the last two digits of her phone
number). After hanging up with her, I decided to call
the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered
the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next
to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of
weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It

always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my
therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So,
I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to
see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he
yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly
called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull
into a parking spot. Some boy in a black BMW cut me
off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited
for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting
for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For
Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his
number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first
asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I
had better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialed and
someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with
the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is." "Can you tell me
where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th
Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked
right out front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My
name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to
catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don,
you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his
number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as
enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an
idea: I called Asshole #1. "Hello" "You're an
asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.) "Are you still
there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me,"
he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he
asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you
live?" "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a
yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front. He
said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had
better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like
I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole # 2:
"Hello?" he said. "Hello Asshole," I said. He yelled,
"If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I
said. "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed. I
answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm
coming over right now."

Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I
was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 11 news about the gang war
going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each
other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter,
and news crew.

Now, I feel better.

robul

hhahhahhahah those were both awesome rat finkel.. AWESOME

Waldo

LOL asshole

Flyterbut

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RACIST TO CAUCASIANS!

Three construction workers are sitting at the top of their project eating lunch, a mexican, italian, and caucasian.
The mexican opens his, it's burrito's. He turns to the others and says, "Every day I have burrito's. If I have burrito's tomorrow I'm jumping!"
The Italian opens his lunch and see's raviolies. He turns to the others and says, "I always eat raliovies, fuck it, if I get them tomorrow I'm jumping too!"
The caucasian opens his lunch and find's a balogna sandwich. He says, "If I have to eat one more of these for lunch I'm jumping!"

The next day, they're sitting there about to eat lunch. The Mexican finds he's got burrito's again. "Well, I said I'd jump!" and over the edge he goes.
The italian opens his lunch hurrily and see's raviolies. So without saying anything he jumps off the edge.
The caucasian opens his lunch nervously and see's a balogna sandwich. He yells out in anger and jumps.

At the funeral the wives are all talking. The mexican's wife sobbingly says, "If I had only made enchilada's or taco's he'd still be here!"
The italian's wife exclaims, "Who'd want to eat raviolies all the time? I should have known! I could have easily made pasta or lasagna or something else!"
The caucasian's wife looks at them as they look onto her awaiting her sob story as she says, "Don't look at me, he makes his own lunch!"

Big Rob

The Wizard of OZ

The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a
tornado, and off they
whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald
City and come before
the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:" I've come for
some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I

think I need a brain."

"DONE" says the Wizard.

"WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"

Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American
people that I need a heart."

"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT
DONE."
There is a great silence in the hall. Bill
Clinton is
just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a
word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Is Dorothy here?"

Justin

Little Johnny is delivering newspapers. He knocks on a door, a ladyanswers, and he says, "Collect... that'll be five dollars."

She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but if you want, I'll give you sex instead."

Johnny says, "All right."

He walks in, she undoes his pants, pulls them down, and there's the biggest dick she's ever seen...

Johnny reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of huge washers, and starts sliding them onto his dick.

She says, "You don't have to do that...I can take all of it."

He says, "Not for five bucks you can't."

Big Rob

Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was m! y daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.

robul

hhahhahaha... is that your life story big rob?

Big Rob

no its just something that got chainmailed to me - i thought it was funny so i saved it -