kulotsalot

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Everyday I see myself in the mirror and I just want to hide. I know I have said here and there that I look bad but no one believes me, and why should they, when I take great care to only post the best, most decent-looking pictures I have on here. So what you guys see don't really reconcile with what I see, day in, day out. And I hate what I see. I've had my ex's uncle tell me that I'm not pretty enough for his nephew. Everyone who knows me greet me with "What happened to your face?" instead of the customary "Hello", and telling me what to do in order to bring normalcy back to my complexion. Eat this, drink that, use this, don't use that. Gah! Can't they just leave me alone, and don't they realize that if I had a choice I would prefer NOT to look horrible? I look worse than the fuckin' BEFORE models for Proactiv. How much worse can it get?

Thing is, this bogs me down more than it's supposed to. Sometimes I feel like people think less of me because I'm not pretty, and it saddens me that I could be the genuinely fun and sweet girl but nobody would even try to get to know me because, well, I don't look like I'm worth saying "Hello" to. That's probably one of the reasons why I like this place, I can just be witty and stuff, and nobody would care if I looked hideous or not. I know that half of the paranoia is probably all in my head, maybe I don't look that bad and I'm just compounding my worries but... *sigh* I'm not gonna post teh uglified pics... just imagine Zitney ^ 100 and you'll get me. Dammit I'm rambling. So, I just have to get my brain out of the gutter and tell myself that the meds have GOT to work, and that in a couple of months I'll look less like a hag and more like a human being. For $120 a month they better work. Otherwise I might be better off hiring a kick-ass makeup artist and pile on the goo. I'll look Hollywood-perfect in no time.

My rant made no fucking sense. Forgive me, I was just typing and not thinking. I don't know if I even need advice, I just wanted to get that out of my system. It's been making me cry lately. *sigh*

twobd2pmp

poor kulots, what are you taking exactly? I had real bad acne in high school. I tool acutane for 6 months. That shit is real toxic. Be careful with that shit. They make females take birth control, regardless if they are sexually active or not. But it cleared my skin up real nice.

Most importantly... People love and like you for who you are. The stuff on the inside. The way you make them laugh and smile. The way you make them tingle when they see you. They are gonna be your friend because they can come to you when they are in need. Because you are a good friend, someone they can trust. Not because they think you are hot. You don't want those kinds of friends, you want genuine friends. people like kornut, or juan (yes yes yes he likes womens for their poontang, but he seems genuine deep down under.) Those are the type of people you want to surround ( ran out of space while typing in quick reply had to cut and paste in the advanced screen) with those type of people. People that will bring you back down to earth when your floating on cloud 9 thinking your shit don't stink and they are there to bring you back up when you are feeling down. They're your friend because they like you for who you are, not because your hot.

ps. Next time someone gives you advice about what they say you should take to fix up your complexion (sp?). Ask them if they take it. If they say yes, then tell them "you don't think it would be a good idea, because it really hasn't helped them much." and if they say they haven't tried it then tell them they should asap.


juan and kornut,
wasn't trying to sound all and stuff.

hope you feel better,
Robert and all you webrater friends

oh yeah i didn't check for typos so you can edit it if you want kulots

koЯnut

Kulots...where to begin....

I really am shocked that someone with so much outer and inner beauty is feeling the way you do. But I understand if you have people around you telling you those things. All I can say about them is WTF??!! I'm not here to blow smoke up your ass. You are a very attractive young lady. I think I have good taste in women....look at koRnstaR.

I had pretty bad acne in high school on my cheeks and neck. I thought I was doomed for life. But about the time I turned 19 I had a pretty clear face. Now I rarley get pimples on my cheeks or neck. With some people it just takes awhile to fully get rid of.

You are one of the most loved and respected people here if not the. We know what you look like and 99.9 percent of the time when a pic of you is posted every Tom, Dick, and Harry is licking their computer screens. I know you say that those are only the "good pics", but I hate every single pic ever takin of me because I think I look like Corky from life goes on mixed with Tony Soprano.

To the people that try and bring you down, they are shallow individuals that only are trying to cover the fact that they are insecure about their own apperance. Fuck em.

Hate to see you upset about something like this. Hang in their kiddo and be proud of yourself.

PM me or koRnstaR anytime.





Hey twobd...... :jill:

TheMooninites

Good comments from kornut and twobd2pmp, as I do not know what you look like I can't really help you out like them.

So could you possibly post some pic's of you in here so I can see you or if you don't wanna do that tell me where there are pic's of you on here.

As kornut raved about your appearance I am looking forward to seeing you.

Sagaris

Cheer up little one and don't be too hard on those meaning well, even if a little thoughtless (bet most of them are female).
Got to echo comments of all before, and if my son falls for a girl with half your beauty and talent I'll be one happy/proud Father in Law :-)

OrdinaryGirl

K-girl, I'm so sorry you feel this way. *big hug*

First of all, you are beautiful inside and really, that IS the most important thing. I mean, physical beauty is really either a crapshoot (you get what you are born with) or something that can be bought or airbrushed in. But personality, intelligence, wit, compassion, all those qualities that really make a person's value soar, they are the result of hard work on a person's behalf and really speak to the things that matter in life.

Who gives a fuck about looking like a model or having the perfect flat stomach or turning everyone's head when you walk down the street? All those people who spend all their time and energy on achieving physical perfection will one day be old and what will they have to show for it? I'd rather spend my time and efforts making friends and trying to improve people's lives and making this world we walk on a better place. When I die, I don't want to be remembered for the vehicle my soul was transported in, but for the impact I had on people when I crossed their paths.

And as for only posting the "good" pics here, we all do it, baby. For every one you guys see, I've tossed 30 really shitty pics. This site caters to the perfect visual image of the young female body. That is why I never go in that section. It would just make me feel really inadequate and miserable.

I like you, K-girl, and not because you're a "hot dancer with a great ass". I could give two shits about your looks or the looks of anyone else here. The people I have met here that I am fond of or that I have cultivated friendships with are independent of how they look.

So if someone can't see you for who you really are and appreciate that, then a big FUCK YOU to them. Their loss.

Juan.©amaney

All I gotta say is this...

I'm about as cute as a porcupine passing a gall stone. I had acne, still do. I go from overweight, to muscular pudgy seasonaly. My facial features aren't what you would see on GQ or Esquire, etc. But the one thing I have the a lot of other people don't is confidence.

I've heard through people that oftentimes, the girl's I see's friends ask what the hell they see in me. Some of my current gf's friends have asked her that. Then they got to know me and realized what she really did see in me...then they were all nice and flirty and all up on my shit.

I don't really care much. I see physically attractive people walking everywhere. That doesn't mean that if I got to know them, I'd want to spend time with them etc. I've been with women who went from a size 3 to a size 9-12 and honestly can say I loved them more when they were 9-12. I've had physical 10's in my life and 6's. To me, the physical shit didn't matter. All I cared about was that they were interesting enough for me to want to spend time with.

Low self esteem puts you off from the world. People like me can see/read a girl's self image. The whole reason I was able to look as "hideous" as I do and still got play was the fact that I knew how to play on women's emotions and use their self image to my advantage.

The reason I ended up with what I consider to be a physical 9, was cuz beyond the player in me, there is a nice guy with lots to offer who is willing to share it with her and be respectful. I was just myself with her, no game, no "Juan"

My most horrid attribute IMO is a pretty big mole I have on my right cheek:

seen here http://groups.msn.com/Etzatlan/cole...oto&PhotoID=385

I went as far as setting up the appointment to get it removed by some laser surgeon in Beverlly Hills who was supposed to be one of the best.

You have no idea how many compliments I get for it. My point is, what you see as ugly, some other people might like.

I learned to accept myself through the years and now I'm confident, and some say, borderline cocky.

Physical 10's get jobs as models, actresses, and groupies. Take the time to figure out how fucked their life really is. The guys at the gym I go to who are in fitness magazines can't spend 2-3 hours sucking beers and hanging out like I do. They are miserable...me, I'm really happy being me.

You should be too.

Translator time:

Lo bonito, con el tiempo se quita, se borra, o se hace feo. Tu personalidad te sigue toda tu vida.

___________________________________________

ButterMup

Awww, Special K...
There's an entire world full of people just waiting to adore you (whether they know it yet or not!), and not simply for being a tasty piece of eye-candy with quality "DSLs", a lithe dancer's figure, and a tight little bottom which admirably fills out even the most challenging leotards.

I'm sorry that you're surrounded by folks who don't seem to know when to keep their mouths shut, but if it's any consolation, lack of propriety is, in most every case, like a matter of course just for being human - by and large, people just don't know when to zip their fat yaps, and it often does more harm than they intended.
Don't let it get you too down, kiddo; that's their problem. Acne will clear up, but stupid is forever.

I feel confident in speaking for everyone when I say that we all have a lot of respect, fondness, and admiration for you, all of which has absolutely nothing to do with the pictures you post.
Physical change comes and goes in most people's lives, and we we all think, at one time or another, "I'm not particularly pleased with how I look just now." The good thing about that, however, is that most physical attributes are easily malleable, and are vastly susceptible to change if given ample time and a little motivation.
In the greater scheme of your entire life, this is but a pinprick on the timeline, and I suspect that in no time at all, you're going to be looking in the mirror and wondering just what all this fuss was about.

When all is said and done, regardless of the superficiality in which those who lack any real substance of character invest such worth, you are who you are...and that is what wins over the crowd and makes everyone love you so much.
You'll always have that, no matter what.

(P.S. - Say 'hi' to Mama K for me...and as ever, edit my typos at your own peril! )

kulotsalot

Thank you all, was crying when I was reading everything... wish my mother would stop running around the house (it's her weekend). So, had to go to my room and cry for a bit. Dontcha just hate girls? They cry when they're happy, they cry when they're sad. Damned crazy females. Anyway. I know there is more to me than the few square inches of face-space, just wish that the thing I hate the most was, erm, not so in-your-face (haha, bad pun!) and more easily hidden from sight. But it's there, and as the wrap-around face covering thing has yet to become in-style for the North American market, I just have to live with it. I guess I just needed to hear from other people that I'm still an OK person, all things considered. Maybe I'll just tell people that I work for the Bomb Squad part-time, and one of em blew up in my face. Wonder if that'll make em shut up?

I'm taking Accutane, and with the picture of the crossed-out pregnant woman stamped next to each blister on the pill pack, it sure looks like it's one helluva drug if it messes with you the wrong way. Just reading the info sheet thing was super scary - it might make me want to kill myself? Oh noes! Is this post a sign of depression? Should I call my doctor? But, well, at least now I have a reason if ever my mom uncovers my stash of BC pills. The Dr was a bit cunfuzzled as to why exactly I went on BC when I have never boinked before. I nearly shit my pants when the Dr told me it was super expensive, I thought I had to go back to Timmy's if I couldn't find a job within the next few weeks... and I didn't wanna go back to Timmy's. But I got me a good job within a few days of the visit to the doctor, so yay!

Thanks guys (and gal) I just needed the slight self-esteem boost. :jill:

twobd2pmp

one thing i would suggest, is to get some super moisturizing cream, like cetaphil CREAM not lotion. Accutane will dry the hell out of your skin. but its worth it

SDG2002

Kulot, I may be new here, but I understand your anger with shallow and superficial people, as they are so many these days....yet the scourge of a more forgiving, understanding society. My exact reason for RARELY posting any pics of me on the net is just that...I don't want someone judging me or choosing to talk to me for my looks. It's ridiculous when someone fakes nice to attract you, or fakes attitude to get rid of you...even when that person maybe amazing, or may be as dumb as a box of rocks. Whatever route you decide to try to resolve your problem...remember that it's you inside that must make a final decision to be happy or not. If you need a good listener, and an unbias opinion, someone who will ALWAYS be honest (whether it hurts or not) PM me.

koRnstaR

I really had a hard time reading these things, coming from someone that I believe to be a beautiful person.

Don't let these people tell you that you are not beautiful, who are they anyhow? Do not give them that satisfaction lady!! Let them dwell in their own pitty, it is them who are lacking and trying to pass it on to you -to make themselves feel better.

You are a very sweet, witty, caring and genuine person kulots. -That- is what makes you beautiful. You can alleviate your (quote) ugliness (unquote), but those with such attitudes have contracted a disease for which there is no cure.

You are in no way ugly, keep in mind that you have people here who really care about you no matter what!

skept

K I agree a lil bit of everything that everyone has said here. Well heres my blatently honest experience with this whole issue... people brace yourselves for a fricken long post...

twobd has had an experience like yours. So has kornnut. I'm one of the few lucky ones that does not get acne - when I do is generally working all day sweaty and yea... everyone knows that = pores blocked = pimples... meh...

But ok back to the point. My family acne runs two ways. You either got it or you dont. My eldest sister hasnt had a pimple in her life. I dont get them (unless like i describe above) and my dad dont get them. My brother / sister are a totally different story. My brother had bad acne. I said had because he had acne on his face / back/ shoulders and it was bad. However he didnt do nothing about it - no pills / creme nothing - after puberty passed the acne left soon after. My sister on the other hand is a slightly different story.

My other sister is ~18months older then me (22 in July) She started off with a nice clear face but around gr9 the acne hit. And she got acne on her face and back. Now I'm not saying this because shes my sister - but she really is a truely beautiful girl. The change that the acne did to her can be virtually exactly the same as that what your describing - and to see it happen to my own sister was heart wrenching to say the least. My sister is honestly the sweetest person in the world - we group up together and were the best of mates (grew up like inseperable - did everything together) and were still like that today - and she hasnt got a mean bone in her.

The acne really took a battering on her - she became self concious about it - just to look at her wardrobe sure its the latest trends but its like everything to cover up her pimples. She even went as far as trying to avoid pictures being taken off her cause of her acne (but we always found a way - I have 101 pics of her sleeping :D). To try and combat them she tried virtually the A-Z on the market of anti-acne creams and to her disappointment virtualy every single one did not work for her. She wanted to resort to the anti-acne pills - however they are a class D? or something like that drugs and has a high chance of causing birth defects etc. so she decided to rather not take them.

She eventually found her solution that she was looking for was makeup - she had a professional actually show her how to apply her make up to cover the pimples. This has given her a temporary solution to go out and be happy - but it still isnt her.

The thing that rips my guts out etc. is that you know shes a beautiful girl - whoever gets to know her gets to know her for how really kind and sweet she is - but just like what happens to you the boys are like hey sexy when shes all dolled up yet if she dares to wear a bit less makeup or wateva they are different towards her. To me this rips my guts out and generally go into a flying fuck against those blokes cause a) shes my sister and b) its just fucking wrong to like a girl cause shes dolled up.

But there is always a silver lining to all of this stuff. The first one that i'm happy off is that as shes getting older the acne is clearing up - its really a shadow of what it used to be like even a year ago - you can see it getting better. The other one is that it has opened my eyes up to girls like her you know suffering the same way. It has made me see real girls for who they are rather then what they look like. If i want girls that are air brushed to perfection I head to the Girl Pics I have my bat and I'm good. But majority of the time all I want in a girl is to be nice on the inside - remember when ur 80 year old we'll all look like scraggly bags - the only difference is that the personality will always remain the same no matter what the age. 20 yr old beauty queens may be playing now with the pick of the boys - but in 10yrs time as their physical beauty slips they have got nothing - they will spend the rest of their lives trying to cling onto their physical beauty which is totall meaningless. Personality and internal beauty is like a red rose - if your young or if your old the rose still looks nice and smells beautiful. People will stop and remember you forever for being the nice person that you are - and you will live in peoples memories for a lot longer - then a beauty queen who fades out of sight and out of mind as she ages.

I second the notion that Juan Pulled up about confidence. Me yea I aint no Orlando Bloom or whateva metro is holding the 'world sexiest man' position atm in the eyes of many girls - but to me I am (me + that bottle of Jim in that pic = me sexy^infinite ) But I've gotten sexy girls and like Juan their friends are like "WTF!" - (a few years back I was packing a hell of a lot more weight then I am now). The thing is I trusted in myself and I gave it my best shot. People often accuse me now of being egotistical. But you know... but in my teens when I was a porka and feeling sad cause all my mates were swinging in the girls and I was the only one left - I sat down with myself and I asked myself who am I? While my mates were trying to be the wiggers and shit I kept asking myself who I was and began to develop a sense of what I am - who I was and what it means to be me. This allowed me to tune in with myself - I began to like me for being in my skin. That is why now they do the cardio they do the dieting they do the this and that to try and be like what the Mens Health mags tell them what they should be - I sit down and I enjoy getting drunk - I eat crap food - I eat good food. To me if I weighed what I do now or if I weighed 2x my weight I would be just as happy as I love me for me.

There is always the one simple rule of life left. Its called plan B. Look at your hand. Look at the longest finger situated in the middle of all the other fingers. That finger is used on the road to indicate or as an expression of feelings. Now plan B is quite simple. Whoever has a problem with your being you.. give em the finger and tell them to go smoke a cock. Then turn your back on them cause they aint worth your time baby.

Dearest Miss K if that fails - goto self pics.. download my pic.. look at it and imagine me telling you "Babe your a hot hunny"

And yea.. add me to the Grouphug

chingon

now you know what some of us guys feels when were rejected.......