sam3722

I don't believe that the marital relationship should be so callously abandoned.

Eye...:
1. Treat her like a queen. Date her again (remember all the things you did for her BEFORE you married her?).
2. Set some expectations (for both of you).
3. Marital counseling is a must, but both of you need it.
4. When you say "going out with friends", what do you mean? Going shopping, visiting at each others' houses, bar-hopping, swinging, what? We all need time involved in our interests; however, her interests cannot include activities detrimental to the marital relationship. IMHO, hanging out in bars without the spouse is a BIG problem.

aquadude

I don't believe that marriage should be so casually abandoned, but this relationship needs some serious reconsideration now. You have a wife that is lying, and a husbad that is already distrustful.

Back in the olden days, adultery was punishable by death from stoning. I suggest seeking a marriage counselor.

Perhaps you could also get her to read Hosea from the bible. It speaks of a prophet with an adulterous wife, in an adulterous nation. It's very compelling.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage...er=1&version=31

Juan.©amaney

Number 1 will be damned near impossible if every time she is at work he is wondering if she is still flirting with the other dude.

This is the part that she needs to overcome before you can even try to work on this:


Unless she can recapture that whole scene, I doubt this relationship ever being healthy again. That's why marrying your high school sweetheart is a bitch. Take it from a guy who has been "the other man" on more ocasions than I'd like to admit. They don't want another relationship, just something to make them make up for lost time because of a desicion they made when they were too young.

She had no problem abandoning a marital relationship for some work time fling.

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sam3722

The problem is much deeper than "marrying a HS sweetheart". To suggest that is ludicrous. Many people marry their HS sweethearts and have happy, loving, healthy relationships.

She's looking for something special--give it to her. But do not allow opportunities for her to look elsewhere.

Juan.©amaney

Many more end up in cheating and looking for lost youth with strangers at bars.

Statistics don't lie. If he wants to try to save his marriage, he is free to do so. But the fact that he still doesn't trust her, she wont quit her job as a sign of good faith, she still goes out to bars with the younger friends and he feels she is still lying with the whole he is moving out of state suggests that she just doesn't want to do anything to try to save it.

Also, read the rules (where it says read this or ban) before you go calling ANYONE'S comments ludicrous. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and NO ONE here should be judging them! That is your warning, you should also check who your forum leaders are and what a bolded and italicized name means.

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Juan.©amaney

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Google "high school sweethearts dicorce." Endless stories on it.

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tyros121

In my book cheating is cheating. Be it a kiss or a fondle, its still cheating.

In England most people would have split up over something like this. We have the highest devorce rate in Europe - And for good reasons. Things may be different in the States, but if someone cheats, that's a violation of trust, and is the worst sort of trust violation.

All i can say is hang on in there. If you love someone this much that you want to stay with them after something like the above. then stop being jealous etc and trust. if you feel that you're trust is being broken then you have to face facts - Don't drag your child through a nightmare home environment. Its not fair on you or your family.

Especially you!

I'll leave you with this:

Every human on this planet is only ever going to do what makes them feel happy, we're a selfish race.

CD

I think I've said it before, and if so I'll say it again... most couples just don't communicate properly. You have issues, why ask us? We can give you all the advice in the world, but at the end of the day none of us are your wife. If you want a good solution, you have to know the problem. Find out what she is thinking/wanting, cause I can only speculate.
My advice: Tell her that you feel that the 2 of you are growing apart, and that since you love her, you hope that is not the case. But if it is that you will do whatever you have to do to make it work. Those words should make anyone open up. She can either tell you everything is fine (fine in womentalk means not fine), or she can open up her heart. You may not like what you hear, you may find out a few things you can do to improve your situation, but no matter what, you WILL have a better understanding of what's going on in your relationship.
Take that knowledge and run with it. Cause "knowing is half the battle"!!

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JumJum

Once a Cheater...Always a cheater...

Sagaris

It's all too easy to give up on marriage / children, have the courage and strength to at least try and make a go of it , say 6 months then look at the situation again.

I feel many of the negative posts in this thread are unjust and I'm saddened by their lack of trust/ forgiveness in their respective partners.

OrdinaryGirl

I'm going to side mainly with Sagaris on this one. Try working it out first. Talk, talk, talk, get counselling, try to renew your relationship, relight the spark, whatever. I'm not talking about being a doormat or ignoring the obvious, I'm talking about breaking out of a rut. If the trouble runs deeper than that, then so be it. But at least you've tried.

Cheating is not necessarily a kiss or something physical, I'm afraid. I don't know how it works for men, but for women, it's more where your heart and emotions are. The attention, the text messages, the emotional investment in another man are just as strong or stronger than a kiss or sexual activity. You can lose a woman to another man long before they ever touch.

Juan.©amaney

http://www.webrats.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29100

One of our very own members went through with this in her family.

Sorry to everyone if my lack of forgiveness shows through like black thongs on white pants, but I've been a cheater, been cheated on, and caused other people to cheat. I know they game, it never stops once it starts.

I lost most of my good years in college which is why I cheated. We pretended we forgave each other but could never work things out. Neither of us were willing to get rid of the sources; going out to bars, hanging out online, etc.

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badgebuffer

no matter what they do or say they'll never get over it, never give up that lifestyle, and never care about anything but what they want

EyeminmyPrime

First let me say thanks, its awesome to see someone else in the same boat I am right now and a lot of your wrods have helped...

She has said that she wants to make it work, she still sin't willing to leave her job. I don't recall my original post, but she has been a housewife for like 6 years and enjoys being back at work and like her curent job hses only had for a few months. It looks like she may have to leave it though because she got a new boss that is a motherfucker, I really wish she would leave for me but then again I guess any reason is good enough at this point.




Well, of course there is more to my story as well. BEFORE we were married, our son was a little over a year old I think and I cheated on her but that was over 10 years ago now and you definitely are right about it never going away, and I know that my indiscretion back then has something to do with wahts going on with her now. It also kind of made it worse because she feels like she stopped herself, but what kind of person am I if I kept screwing this girl and din't feel guilty (which I did)




Dude, we sound like identical twins! This is basically exact the situation I am in and how I feel.



Thanks, again I really appreciate your words!