EyeminmyPrime

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My wife had a fling with a guy she worked with. They kissed on 2 occasions and made out once with nothing happening under the clothes.

She told me about it, and ended it but I already knew the details because I was snooping. I'll leave it at that.

I am trying to make this work, but she is still working with this guy and doesn't want to quit because she loves her job. He is "supposed" to be moving out of state sometime soon, but I think that is b.s.

Everyday she goes to work I have images in my head of them laughing and flirting and still being chatty, and it fucking sucks. She says they barely see each other and work in diff. departments, but still.

Has anyone had to deal with their S.O. working with or still being around someone they cheated with, and how the fuck do you deal with it (if you even tried to?)

sam3722

This is a difficult situation. She violated your trust, but continues to be around the person she did it with. OTO, she could do so with anyone, so maybe he's not the issue.

However, she needs to show more effort and avoiding future encounters. If she were an alcoholic, would she continue to go to bars?

Lucky Bob

For one... if you were snooping on her, you two probably have much deeper issues than just her kissing another guy a couple times.

Also: I've dealt with it before, I just let it slide, and I'd suggest against that, since I now regret it.

gdmasterg

If you were snooping on her, it definitely sounds like there are some major trust issues between you two. You still don't trust her it sounds like. I think you two should part ways.

FastCar

There are alot of factors involved...first off we don't know if EyeminmyPrime was really snooping, or happened upon somthing by accident or not... I accidentally saw like 100 emails of my husbands that I shouldn't have seen, but when I found them...initially it was by accident.

Then it really matters if you love your wife and how long you have been married. You can be married to someone for many years, and fall into a sort of trap, that 'just kinda happens'. Maybe EyeminmyPrime was not paying enough attention to his wife, and the slime at work did. It can happen.

IMO, if you are a love match, then start talkin. You and your wife will have to really really communicate to get over the hurdle, she will have to understand that you don't trust her right now, but trust can be earned/built back again.

If you are of the opinion that your marriage was a mistake, then get a seperation and think about moving on, because the road back to trust/devotion in your marriage could be a long rocky one.

my .02 worth...

Good Luck, I hope it works out for you!

TheMooninites

Well, if that is the case then your untrust of her was warranted as there are some people you just feel uneasy about trusting and then do something like your girl did so you were right in not trusting her.

If you happen to hear something or stumble on something and you didn't have trust issues you may develop ones now because of her.

As for the situation drop her, she cheated on you even if she just did kissing, you gotta realize that is what she told you so you really don't know what happen. Maybe she did more and thought if she said they just kissed you forgive her.

If you really love your wife and don't wanna drop her then first off go to marriage counciling as she needs to get help after all she cheated on you therefore has some problems, second she should perhaps get another job or get relocated by the job as sam3722 said If she were an alcoholic, would she continue to go to bars?.

Well, whatever you do best of luck to you and I hope any advice you got here helps you out.

Juan.©amaney

Trust is like a hymen, once its gone, it never comes back.

I'm NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER forgiving another cheater EVER, EVER again. Kissing, dirty talk, holding hands, sex of any kind, NADA!

My sanity is worth more than any women. My inner peace is worth more than ALL women. Besides, somewhere, there are still good women who wont cheat. Gotta find them.

In your case, it sounds like you have dependancy and controlling issues. You were snooping, you were right, yet once you got your proof, you forgave her. It sounds like you are saying the "nothing under the clothes" to convince yourself...but I'll tell you one thing, any time I've ever made out with a girl beyond just kissing...there was fondling involved.

I've also been with married/separated women. Kissing was never the only thing we did.

___________________________________________

EyeminmyPrime

Well, she has my old cell phone and I needed a phone number off it and I came across a bunch of calls between her and a different guy from work that I didn't know she was talking to. He sent her text messages etc.



Well, we've been married 8 years. Have a 11 year old son. That itself may be the problem. We got invovled right out of high school and within a year or two were with child. We didn't have a chance to grow and experience a lot. She is now going out with very young friends from work and wanting to live the single life she never had.


Hope that gives a little more context. Thanks for the advice and also to everyone above that responded!

EyeminmyPrime

She said that she was rebelling against my control but I was not like that until she gave me a reason to. Talking to guys from work on the phone growing attached to them etc. I have to cover my back right? I'm supposed to ignore clues? I don't consider it controlling I consider it caring about my realtionship and not being a fool and letting something happen.

I know that what she told me is the truth because it is exactly what she told her best friends. Once again I gained that info through snooping.

Thanks again for everyone advice, keep it coming if you have it.

Lucky Bob

Dude, if you distrust her that much (and it's pretty evident that you don't trust her at all, at this point), cheating isn't your problem... it's that you have nothing worth not cheating on!

EyeminmyPrime

I see what you're saying but its really hard to put our 10 year relationship into "you have nothing worth cheating on."

We have an enormous history and still love one another. Not to metion our son, our house, our families etc. I know all those aren't reasons to stay in a marriage, but its really difficult for me to look beyond all that aside from our feelings for each other.

I guess I don't know what I was looking for in my original post, maybe something from someone who has survived infidelity and how they made it work. I guess I'm grasping hoping that I can save our marriage.

tsmo

I can kinda understand where your coming from. As a married guy - married to the high school sweetheart with an 11 year old kid..
It sounds as she may have missed out on sewing a few of those oats. maybe you have too.. While it sucks that your stuck, in a sense that you have built up/invested so much into this relationship - I agree with you that youd hate to see it end.

discuss with your wife whats she wants. Let her know your feelings, your true feelings of distrust, and how much of a strain it has now put on the relationship. You need to find out from her if she plans to grow up anytime soon, or if you need to make other arrangements. What I mean by that, as Im not trying to be mean, but you both made a commitment to each other,. and for what its worth youd like for it to work out, because you now have a 3rd party to worry about. ( your child ) but you need to know upfront from her if she plans to continue down this path,.

If her answer is no.. which hopefully it will be, then ask her to remove herself from her current job. She may tell you that she loves her job, then explain to her the magnitude of her mistake and this is the 1st step in rectifying it. This may or may not be a huge issue but if it helps you.. I mean.. do you both need to work? if so.. prolly not the bestest idea..

now, you must know that if you have done anything... anything yourself to make her want to go do this. then this may be all for naught.. but if you've remained faithful, then you need to explain that to her, explain that even though your BOTH young, and you too may have other desires, YOU have never acted on them because you have GROWN UP and WANT a true relationship with someone you love, care about, someone your ready to grow old with..

if she cant understand that, after you pour out your feelings to her on how much it hurts.. if she still wants to go hang with her girlfriends.. then Im sorry my man., pack her shit and tell her to GTFO.


my own experience. I was totally unfaithful to my wife - BEFORE we were married. so I like to think it doesnt count against me.. but it does, and always will.. my wife forgave me. but will never forget. since then, since being married. Ive grown my ass up. I still want to fuck every young hard bodied woman I meet.. but I dont. we all have the urges.. but it takes a strong commitment to your partner to not take that step.

I consider myself to be sorta a family man. I can go out and do things if I want, and sometimes I do, but for the most part I dont. I pick n choose which events in which to spend my time. My buddies give me shit, but they know this is the way I am.. if they cant hang,. then they cant hang. so what Im saying is. You cant expect her to stop hanging out with her girlfriends. but a responsible partner AND PARENT.. she should pick n choose how she spends her time.

good luck man. hope I gave you some insight with all that rambling..

Sagaris

EyeminmyPrime, Fight like hell to save what you have/had, firstly loose the jealosy soooo destructive and hurtful. Then work on reviving the marriage, days out, meals, holding hands etc. etc.
It's all too easy to fall into a rut, become boring and take her for granted. Make her feel alive/ special and never again will she feel another mans lips.

Finally go home look into wife / childs eyes give them a big hug and tell both that you will stand by them come what may.

polgas

i say ... you tell her what you feel about the distrust ...
least she could do is make you feel secure, and move away from this guy at work i.e. finding another job. she cheated on you and as such DO NOT deserve the "i love my job" bit. she can consider it her punishment and atonement.