shade23z

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It's been 3 years, everything else is good in our relationship, but it seems my gf doesn't have the same sex drive I do. We don't live together but see each other a few nights a week. More and more lately I have to initiate everything. I was just out of town for a week, I've been back a few days, and NO sex - even though we've slept together twice.

I ask her if she's still attracted to me, she says yes. Her excuses are she's tired, periodic table, etc... She complains that sometimes it seems all I want her for is sex. Well, that's not all I want, but hell yeah I expect to have sex with my gf at least a few times a week! Every girl I've ever been involved with, we've been a lot more active than this, with initiation going both ways, getting creative, etc...

Any ideas on how to fix? Is it fixable?

Waldo

she is gettiting it somewhere else. pure and simple
you either have to give her a kid or kick her to the curb

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both my car and my bike can ride on the rear wheel[s]
"Remember one thing, no matter how pretty she is, someone, somewhere, is tired of HER SHIT"

Justin

Start using your tongue.

kulotsalot

Your POV: We only see each other a few times a week, but probably talk everyday via the 'net, phone, whatever. So, when we do see each other, the talking should stop (I've done enough of that to last a good few weeks, right?) and the lovin' should start! I miss her so much I just want to jump her bones.

Her POV: We only see each other a few times a week, but thank god we get to talk everyday. But, when we do see each other, it seems like he's not interested in anything else other than sex! I try to ask him how his trip was, he says "It was OK", shrugs, and gets all frisky with me. He doesn't even ask me how my week was or anything, he goes right in for the kill.

My theory is it's the age-old Supply and Demand thing. When you've been separated for awhile, women tend to want to reconnect emotionally. For guys, however, they want to reconnect physically. At least that's what the Wise People say. Or maybe you're just horny, whatever. Right now sex is in very short supply, so you want more of it. And the more that you ask/demand for it, the more she feels like a sex object - like she's only wanted for sex, and not for everything else. So she tests you by not putting out. If you say, that's ok, we can sit and talk and be all cuddly-sweet, (which of course you won't do cause that's sissified, and you want sex goddammit!) it negates her theory that you just want her for sex, and makes her feel better about herself. If you get upset when she withholds sex (which of course you will) it just reaffirms her theory that you only want her for sex. So you ask for more sex, and she thinks you're a perv, and you get less sex, and then you ask for more sex cause you're not getting any, and she thinks you're an even bigger perv... It's a cycle, see?

So, what are you supposed to do? Reverse psychology should work, I think. This could also be called "bowing down to her wishes" but, hey, right now you want something that she has. Next time you're back together after sometime apart, do the talk-and-hug routine, and DON'T say anything or even hint at boinking. Just make it seem like you're glad to see her (which you are) but not because she has a pussy attached to her. I think once you pass her test you guys should be good to go again.

PS Isn't it painfully obvious that a female wrote this reply? I mean, compared to Waldo and Justin's reply, this is the complete opposite, hehehe.

shade23z

Kulots - I think your take on the situation is surprisingly on the money (given the limited details), and your advice is good, although not exactly what I wanted to hear. I have to TALK with her?!?!? Ugh, I'll try bending a little in that direction but if she doesn't shape up I'm looking for someone as freaky as me.

Waldo - no, she is not getting it anywhere else. And no kid or ring are coming anytime soon (if ever), especially given the current problems.

Justin - I do use my tongue, WELL!

(but thanks all for the input)

kulotsalot

Well, not exactly talk to her, but the point is you have to show her that sex is not that important to you. (I know it's important, just pretend it isn't) She wants to know that you'll forego sex to make her happy. Not forever, mind you, just until you pass her test.

Then again, if you're not in it for the long haul and don't mind losing the gal, you can probably just as easily find someone else who's "just as freaky" as you.

tboltman

[edit]this isn't the place to be putting this kind of shit[/edit]

zeppy

Seriously though, isn't this thread in the wrong place?

kulotsalot

Maybe Hijacker or someone else will move it to the Vag.

shade23z

Damn - that pic's not supposed to be on the net...

So let it be moved...

slumpbuster

Drop her like a bad habit. She's not going to change, you're not going to change...go find someone whose needs you can provide for, AS WELL AS someone who give you what you need. Don't get caught in this cycle, and don't settle for anything less than what you want. Your life isn't long enough to be unhappy about crap like not getting enough ass....there's plenty out there to get. And chances are you'll find someone else to connect with mentally, that likes your bone.

ghosttalker

Even though it's easier said than done I would agree with Slumpbuster. You have to look out for your needs first. Sounds selfish but it goes back the that wise old saying "if you can't make yourself happy then you can't make other people happy". Weigh the pros and cons and try all that stuff that kulotsalot said but if it doesn't work then it might me time to cut the cord.

shade23z

Thanks Slump and Ghost - wise words and that's the way I'm leaning now. This isn't the first time that these problems have come up with her. Whether she's not interested in sex, or not interested in sex with me...doesn't matter. I don't want to be wondering all the time if she's really into it or just doing it out of obligation. I'm telling her tonight not to come over just to put on a show, and that I need some time to myself to think about this shit...

throatyogurt

Dude, I don't know how deep you guys are into dropping the l-word, but i would ask her if she is still in love with you. That could be a whole big issue. I just got out of a relationship where I had the exact same thing happen. But, I was 5 hours away and the visits were 1 time per month when I was in college and not interning. I'd ask yourself how happy with how she treats you in other aspects as well. I had it bad all the way around. I was not respected about as much as it came, yet still hung on b/c i wanter her to love me like i did her. If she did, she would have tried. Your girl would try if you told her that it bothered you on a deeper level than just getting a nut. If she said that she wouldn't try, then think of what other things in your future she may pass on....

Good luck dude, I really feel your pain on this one - and hopefully have been hurt worse in the similar situation than you'll end up getting hurt. After awhile i tried the one thing that I hadn't tried before, and that was apathy. She then just found someone else.... Women are hard to figure out. As much as it may hurt, you may wanna cut your losses and wait til you find the right one. Then you'll never have to ask for advice on this b/c you can talk to her and she'll respond like you wish. When you can't work out the things together, time to be apart.

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