ndawg104

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howdy folks,
I'm in a tough spot right now. My one friend is on a break with her b/f right now. I know he's not right for her because he always makes her cry and feel bad about herself. I've told her this. where my delima comes in is that i care for her and would love to date her. I think she has feelings toward me also. Because we would always be hangin out with each other during the summer. I don't know what to do. I try to give her advice that would be best for her and not to help me out. She hasn't offically broken up with him yet and she said she's scared to because she's afraid she won't be able to find anyone else. How can i get her to realize that he's bad for her and what not, and what should i do about us hookin up? any ideas?

xevious

from experience, ask her out. really, the problem im having right now is because i didnt have the balls to ask out the guy ive wanted forever, and i could've had him. the worst she can do is say no. its better to know, than to forever wonder what might have been

glmorrs1

if the guy is an asshole and treats her like shit then you need to confront him about it when she's not around. I've been in a situation like this before and i confronted the guy and fortunately i'm big and scary-looking enough that he took my advice and left her alone, but even if you're small and scrawny a lot of the times just standing up to people like these is enough to make them back off. guys like this just aren't used to having people tell them what to do and are actually cowards, this is most likely why he treats her like this so he will feel better and because he needs to have someone around to push, so when someone does they are usually to frightened to fight back, however if he does, i would suggest you tell someone where you are going and what you are going to do and tell them that you will call them at a certain time and if you don't call them they should notify the police, these guys can get pretty violent. actually have a friend go with you but have him either stay in the car or stay outside but where he or she can keep an eye on the situation. after he is out of the picture just ask her out as a friend. she'll need a shoulder to cry on and if you're there for her she just may realise how great of a guy you are.

sonrisa10201

see thats the hard thing about girls.. u can tell them a billion times that someone is wrong for them, but until they decide to see it for themselves, its a waste of breath... you can see that hes all wrong for her, but girls almost always have this silly hope that they will change, and just give it time, it will work out... so its hard to convince them otherwise... and if that isnt the case, then the sex must just be REALLY good, at which point you also just have to wait for her to get over that, and realize that a relationship is more than just great sex... just my opinion tho...

skept

Nein to glmorrs1. Confronted the boyfriend is wrong - its the personal issue between your friend and her boyfriend. The best you can do is support your mate until she sees that he is wrong. After they break up ask her out. However you also must make sure that you dont give advice to your mate that will make her break up. Sure you may love her and want to date her, but you cannot put your personal gain ahead of hers - be sincere and objective in everything you say and do - dont make it out that he is garbage even tho he is, and make urself look good compared to him.

3nigm4tic

actually, I wouldnt confront the guy if you want to date the girl. I'd just let him be an ass. I mean that's kinda dick to the guy... but all is fair in love and war (and since many of the strategies of war apply to the game of love...). Honestly, if you make her see that he makes her feel bad, you can probably step in with the right move (flowers and ask her out, make her feel wanted instead of put aside and she'll be all over it)

glmorrs1

yeah your probably right. the only reason it worked for me is i had to hurt him a little. don't take my advice. also when she finds out he dumped her because of you that would ruin any feelings she ever had for you. just wait it out and maybe have her parents talk to her you'd be suprised how well that works.

PirateOZanzabar

i agree with 3nig... if shes just a friend and you don't want to date her, confront the guy by all means. but since you want to date her just do what most of the people say, just be there for her. put her needs before yours. just keep reminding her of how she felt with him, ie: put out, hurt, crying a lot. and hope that she realizes that he wont change.

ndawg104

Thanks all. The other I spent the whole last weekend with her and chit chatted with her about the whole situation and what not. She just kept telling me the same thing. The one thing that made me real happy was the fact she told me the whole time we were hangin out she never once thought of him

sonrisa10201

are you for real?!?

Wilken

I'm going against the grain. If you really want this girl, long run, you've got to NOT be there for her. I'm not even going to back this up with specific instances, since you won't believe them, and the ladies will deny this up and down - but the bare truth is that people want what they can't have.

It will kill you to not be as available to someone who you care about - but you can play the angle to give her good advice, and if she doesn't want to hear it, or keeps saying the same things over and over again about the loser ex boyfriend, then you need to present some tough love. I'm not advocating being a dick, but lay out how you feel about the situation (you can be honest and sensitive here), let her vent for a while, then get the hell outta there - she needs to deal with it on her own, and when she comes to the realization that that guy sucks, she's going to want a solid guy to run to, not some pussy who she can confide in (that's what her girlfriends are for).

Buck up, I wish you the best of luck brotha.

Wilken

And leave her parent's out of it - your only job on that front is to compliment the meatloaf and help clear the table.

PirateOZanzabar

most deffinitly keep her parents out of this.....

and to wilken's proposal... that might actually work, tho i know you wont want to stay away from her. but for one, she wont just get over this dude and go out with you. shes gonna want to stay single and might go through a "i hate boys" stage for a while (i have a friend doing that right now.....) but if you are always there for her and all that, you might become a gf yourself, which is the complete opposite of what you want apperently.

Juan.©amaney

It all depends on how long you've been in the friend zone. Not to generalize the wimenz, but if she has him for the sechts and you to listen to her problems, she might just get used to that. If they're on a break and she initiated it, she might be looking to score; make your move. If he initiated it, she doesn't want anyone but him, and you will be used; women want to change assholes into nice guys.

Good luck.

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