sonrisa10201

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ok, so it is 4:48 in the morning, and my mom just came in the house... drunk out of her mind... and i am trying not to be upset by this, but i cant help it... heres a little backround on the situation...
my parents are still married, and have been for 18 years now... but when i was around 12 my mom started dating this guy on the side...ok, so i am 12 years old, and this guy is taking me out to dinner, and buying me all kinds of stuff so i would keep my mouth shut, which at first i thought was sweet, what kid doesnt want things bought for them? but soon they started leaving me places, like at the movies by myself, or to wander around the mall alone for hours, they even made me sit outside his house in the car for 2 hours one time... so here i am miserable and by myslef all the time, and when i am home, my brothers and sister would gang up on me because they thought i was getting some special treatment from my mom... well eventually she was caught, my dad moved out, everything was a mess, i went into therapy because i had no idea how to deal with all of these emotions i was having, eventually my parents worked things out and my mom stoped seeing that loser.
so recently my mom started a new job, and shes totally screwing the maintenence guy where she works... she openly admits it to me, and trys to justify it to me by tellling me that she can never be what my dad expects her to be, and so much bull shit like that. she stays out all night with her friend "sharon" and goes to the bar all night with "her" and all kinds of crap!! i hate seeing my dad just sit back and blindly believe everything that comes out of her mouth...
i honestly cant stand to look at her, she makes me sick... i blew up at her a while ago, and told her that she was a whore, and that she was going to ruin everythign again, at which point she told me that it was none of my business, and that she didnt have to answer to me because she is my mother.
now i admit that i shouldnt have said such mean things to her, but honestly, she is trying to mess up all of our lives again, i have so many issues trusting people, and shit... i was in therapy for years... and shes going to tell me its none of my business??
ive been told to tell my dad, and it will put an end to it, but i dont want to see him hurt over such a useless person again, he doesnt deserve it...
so aside from telling my dad... what am i supposed to do??

skept

I'd tell your father - he has a right to know that his wife is sleeping around on him. He should be a man and pick up and leave. I disagree with calling your mum a whore. She is a whore, but she is still your mother and you must respect her no matter what she does.

There is nothing more that you can do then learn from this experience and become a better mother (later in life) as a result of it. Hopefully this leads to you seeing what impacts foolish actions or acts of a lust can have on your children / family. That is virtually the only positive that can be drawn from this experience - in time you will grow a stronger and better person

sonrisa10201

thanks skept4... i know i shouldnt have said those tings to her, but i came home from work and this guy is in my house, i had so much that i was thinking and feeling, and i was trying to talk to her about it and she kept playing games and walking away from me... so it all just came blurting out the wrong way

qwer

I agree with skept4, you should tell your father. I know you don't want to hurt your dad, but you shouldn't keep something like this a secret from him. He has a right to know. For her to be so open about it to you tells me that she really doesn't care about what you or anyone else in your family thinks about it and is going to continue to do it. If this is the second time she's cheated then your dad shouldn't be too suprised to learn that it's happened again. If she just blows you off when you try to confront her about it then I would go to my entire family and have all of you confront her about it. If she still doesn't care then I think you can see where you stand in her world. To some people sex is more important then family.

Too repeat what skept4 said, learn from this. Don't cheat!!!! After watching my dad go through 3 marriages I've learned alot about what not to do.

sonrisa10201

its actually not the second time, she did it when i was way younger also i was probably about 7, because my sister was 10... and it was my dads brother, so we no longer associate with any of his family... but those are only the times i know about

but trust me, i will NEVER be like her, i hate the things she has put us all through, thats why i am so against lying and cheating, it honestly makes me want to cry just thinking about it...

throatyogurt

learn from it, obviously.

but, fuck her, should you bow to her will just b/c she is your mom? what if she was killing people? would that make her less of a murderer. i think you were right in your actions. i don't mean to be so cruel - but sometimes there are no other ways.... and the dad deserves to know. he would be hurt that you knew and didn't tell him. better to have him hate her than both of you, right?

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sonrisa10201

yes... but i tried to say something before but she had already told him that i was making shit up... plus for a long time we couldnt even look eachother in the eye... and i thought he hated me for being my moms cover up, which at that age i didnt know much better... and i guess he thought that because i was doing this, that i preferred that they were divorced and that she was with this other guy... and it was this big emotional thing between us, and now we can finally actually talk now and i dont want to mess that up... it was very hard to be in the same room as him and not be able to say anthing or look at him, i dont want to go through all of that again...

koЯnut

I couldn't disagree any more to that. Sonrisa....your Mom has continued to choose her selfish way than to try and make things with your father right. Also, anyone who leaves thier child behind while they go get a piece doesn't deserve respect!!! I'm glad you said what you did. I'm not saying you shouldn't love your mom, but she needs to know how you truley feel.

While we are on the subject of respect...what about your dad?? If my kids(when I have them) knew my wife was cheating on me, and they didn't tell me I would be devistated. He has every right to know. Let him have a chance to move on and pick up the pieces so he can live a happy life. I have a feeling, he might know whats going on though. After that long of marriage it should be easy to tell when someone's being dishonest. :duuno:

I hope everything works out. Remember, in a perfect world your Mom and Dad would be in as much love just as the day they married. But the world iisn't perfect. She's going to do what she's going to do. Whether you, your dad, or anybody likes it or not.

Good luck girl, and hang in there.

Sagaris

Sonrisa your Dad almost certainly knows what is going on and by confronting him with the news.....not, will be forcing his hand. Credit him with some sense and let him deal with the situation. Meanwhile just be there for him with Love and Support. As for Mum, well only time will tell wether or not she will get back on line.

sonrisa10201

kornut i understand what you are saying about him finding out that his kids knew and didnt say anything, and trust me i have considered that a lot, but at the same time... could you imagine how humiliating it would be to have your daughter to be the one to have to tell you that your wife cant keep her legs shut? theres really no way that i can think of to even say those things to him, i would hate to say it, and then watch him start to cry or something...

sonrisa10201

Sagaris, im not sure i get what u mean... i understand that he cant be completely oblivious to this, and i do give him credit him with some sense, but i look at all of the sacrifices he has made for us over the years, how many times she has hurt him, and i am almost positive he would just play stupid to avoid putting us all through all this crap...

OrdinaryGirl

I agree with Sagaris. Your dad knows and has chosen, for whatever reasons, to pretend to be oblivious to it and allow it. Your mom has chosen to not be faithful, for whatever reasons she has. This situation is between the two of them.

However, you don't have to be either her coverup nor your dad's informer. I'm totally for expressing how you feel to your mother. Namecalling never solves anything and usually only flares up the situation, but it would do you a lot of good mentally and emotionally for you to remove yourself as much as you can from it. Take her out for lunch and tell her that you really have a hard time morally accepting her behaviour and it has caused a lot of conflicting emotions within you. That you love her but don't want to be dragged down by her need to have affairs and if she could please keep it more discreet and not put you in the position of knowing things and having to make choices that shouldn't be shoved in your lap.

You will not do the same things when you are married. And as much as this causes you to lose respect for all the parties involved, this is a longstanding pattern and really lies in their hands to change. The best you can do is not follow her example.

I'm sorry she chose to use you as her pawn. That makes me very sad that she put her own selfish needs first. I'd suggest some counselling to sort out all the skewed perspectives she has cast on you while growing up in such an atmosphere.

Hang in there, girl. You're a good one, despite it all. *hug*

sonrisa10201

thanks og... i really agree with what you said... i need to just remove myslef from it... but i dont think that talking to her like u said would help... my mom tends to just jump on the defense whenever i try to talk to her about anything... even something as stupid as "have u seen my shirt?"... she automatically gets soo defensive, so i know it would just end up badly, i have been trying to just keep my distance, but i cant help but to roll my eyes everytime i hear "well, sharon just called, and im going to go meet her for lunch" because i know where shes going...

thanks for all the comments guys :jill:

HIJACKER

I ahven't read anyone's responses.. mainly because I'm to lazy to, however, here's my suggestion.

I would sit down and have a serious discussion with your father AND have your mom present for it. Start off by letting them know how much it hurts you having to do this but this is something you just have to get off your chest. At that point, I would tell your father the ENTIRE story while your mom is right there. Make your mother experience the pain she deserves by him finding out right in front of her face. Hopefully that will bring her emotions to the lowest ever and she will learn a lesson. Secondly, I would pack my stuff and move out. Your old enough to be on your own, so you should be.

Staying at home causes to many problems when your over 18. Lack of privacy, Stress, Financial arguments with your parents over your choices, etc. If you remove yourself from the situation, thats one less problem for everyone. As much as you don't want to here this, your in the middle of it, and you need to get out of that position. If you move out, you will no longer ahve the stress of this situation on you and it will be totally between them.

Your right, your father may very well know whats going on, however, he MIGHT be sticking it out and suffering in an effort to keep things smooth and not divorcing while your sitll at home, afraid of what that situation might do to you.

As I said, get yourself out of the situation and talk to BOTH of your parents. You really don't have any other option.

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