dagafla

click on one of our sponsors! OR REMOVE ADS

If you can relate or not, just try to understand the circumstances. If you are 21 and you get your girl pregnant that youve been seeing for 2 years, do you keep it or lose it? If you keep it, do you really think your life would be better off than not having it? Lets be realistic too, at 21 your gonna be either in college or not in college and working a mediocore job. This question was brought up on a radio show i was listening too and I actually have a friend with this problem. Personally for me I would not keep the child because I dont see how I could possibly do the things I want to do with my life, as well as she cant either. Plus your stuck with this girl then and if you try to leave your paying child support for the rest of your life. At 21 you never really know what you want as far as a partner, the majority of the time. This circumstance is why there is alot of divorces as well as adultry going on amongst young married couples. I think that if you bring a kid into this world without being settled down financially and not having a plan already established with your life, your an ass.

tsmo

I am a father.. and I was a young one at that. My son was born in '93 Im 33 now.. hmm that makes me 21 when he was born..

okay. at 21 I worked at a video company.. $9 hr..

( see, Im washin lettuce.. then Ill be on the fryer, then the grill.. ) sorry, love that part in coming to America.. )

so.. at 21, with my highschool sweetheart. at $9 hr.. I had a child. Ive made it.

what Im getting at, is it can be done.
yes. of course weve had our issues.. but nothing we couldnt handle.
what does it take? balls of steel? no. . patience.. guidence.. and knowing that there is a piece of you in that child. knowing that he may have your eyes. your smug looks. your hair.. he may be a mirror image of you.. what does that equal? precious life that cannot be replaced.

I do not condone those who abort for reasons beyond control. rape being the one reason. hence there is always adoption..

but think about it.. as I understand exactly what you are saying.. you want to live as well. so do I.. Can I play paintball this weekend? nope. gotta be home with the kid. what about fishing. cmon. lemme go fishing.. nope. Kid. HUGE SW FAN.. All the new toys!! nope.. kid needs pants. Grrr.

would I trade any of it. ?

fuck no.

I love my kid. he means more to me than anything.

have one.. and youll see what Im talking about..

dont want one yet? not ready? wise up, and wear a fucking condom. get her on birth control.. but dont waste a life because your too fucking stupid..

fear not. mr poster. as this isnt directed to you.. just my feelings in general.

as I grew older,. my responsiblilties have changed. so has my son.. I make more money now. but I bought a house.. same struggle? pretty f'n close..

at 33, my son is now 11.. Ive now molded my fishing buddy for life.

I may be the exception to the rule. but again. Ive made it. and If I can do it..

then again.. not being financially ready to bear down on my new responsilbility.. I guess Im an ASS.

and I still have no plan for my life.. but the weather is nice. I may go fishing.

toadyboyy

dude that was touching. thanx

OrdinaryGirl

No one can make that decision but you and your girl. There's nothing sadder than a child who isn't wanted and is mistreated.

On the other hand, like tsmo said, once you have a child, you'd never trade anything to go back and undo it. I'll attest to that. I had my son at 19. Was it hard? Did I give up a lot? Were there times when, as a single mom, I didn't eat so he could? You betcha. Did I ever regret it? Not once. Not ever.

His biological father only paid child support and saw him a couple times the first year. After that, he was gone. I didn't care because he didn't want the child and I didn't want anything from him, didn't want to feel like I owed him anything. We made it on our own.

Now he's much older, is a great hockey player, is wonderful with animals and little kids, is very popular, gets good grades, still kisses his mom goodbye in front of his friends :wiggle:, and is still the joy of my life. I own three businesses, make a good living, and am well on my way to achieving a lot of my dreams. If anything, having that child gave me focus. He was the best thing that ever happened to me.

kwyk

I agree with OG. Only people who can make that decision are the two involved. No amount of moralizing from anybody can change what one feels in one's heart. Abortion is legal. It may be an awful choice to have to make, but it is a legitimate option. I am older, and have two young boys. I, too, had the chance to have a child at about age 20. We chose not to, and don't regret it. We weren't ready. It was a surprise. Because of weird female stuff we didn't know for a number of critical months, during which time we sure as hell didn't care for the mother or the developing fetus. It was a hard choice but we made it. After having kids, that choice would now be a lot tougher to make. But then, had we kept it, we wouldn't have the two incredible boys we have today. It works out somehow.

slumpbuster

my parents had me at 20 (mom) and 23 (dad), and there's (arguably, of course) nothing wrong with me...college grad, young successful career, has-been athlete, pride of their lives, etc.

i'd say keep, but that's me. its not like you're 14 and still in junior high.

sfgiants

i cant get my password replaced so this is actually the user dagafla under this name now. I enjoyed reading the responses to this thread i started but i would like to just say one thing. I understand that not every young couple having a kid is a disaster case, there are the acceptions. For the most part though people could be better off without having a kid at such a young age. Once you have a kid, of course your going to have a emotional attachment so i wasnt suprised by the responses. I respect them and you do your thing, but for others i ask is it really worth it. I mean whats the difference i having a kid at 26 or 30 or older as aposed to 18-21. I would think as a responsible young adult you should get your life, and future set before you even attempt to bring a baby into your life. Of course you could get by working some fall back job but just think you could have been that doctor or lawyer or whatever your dream job was. To top that off enjoyed life at such a young age, get all of your curiousity and wild side out of you. Enjoy the fruiits of your labor, spend the money you make freely on yourself. I dont know maybe im crazy but i just think that if you had a choice this is how you should go about your life.

tsmo

great response. and I understand what you mean.. sure. that would be great, but its pretty much either an after though for those of us who already have kids. and a non issue for those who dont.

think of it this way though. You want kids in the future right? at least one anyway.. I dont envy my friends who have a bunch of kids. but then again I also feel a bit sorry for my son who has no brother or sister to play with.

anyhow.. my point being is once I am older.. he will be older as well, by the time Im 40 he will be 18.. Ill still for the most part be in my prime. and he will be ready to GTFO. which means I still have plenty of time for me.

so I guess its all in how you want to play the game..

dom6996

Great response, TSMO.

I was 19 and my girlfriend was 17 when we found out we were pregnant. So, I was 20 when my son was born and she was 18. We stuck it out, got married 4 months after his birth and have been married for 11 (going on 12 yrs). I didn't go to college, but I am working for a fortune 500 company making a hefty salary as an IT profesional. I own two houses, have two kids, and a wonderful wife.

The way I see it - I will be 40 when my oldest goes to college and 44 when my youngest heads out to college as well. If they have kids, I only be in my 40's... still in the prime of my life and able to enjoy my kids and grandkids!

Like TSMO said ..." I guess its all in how you want to play the game.."

wiscoqb

Abortion is never the right answer - but adoption always is.

FastCar

I too am walking proof of your opinion, was 20 when I had my first kid. Our son is turning 18 next month and hubby and I are having the hoot of our lives.

Cirmustances though...we were married (already), and owned our own company.

But like dom said, 'it's all how you want to play the game!

pete187

only thing i'll add is from the perspective of a kid who's mom chose not to abort I am eternally gratefull. My mother got pregnant when she was 16, dropped out of highschool to have me, worked her ass off to go back to school and get her degree. I know she doesn't regret a single thing that she gave up because she is so proud to see what her sacrifice amounted to (my sister is a fulltime nurse in Chicago and I am currently in law school). I dedicate my life to making her feel that pride everyday. So I'm not going to advise one way or the other as I don't really have a right to. Just thought you might like to hear another success story.

moviebuff88

every single person's response blew me away. each one made me feel; made me think about what choices i have in my life to come. im 19 now and i couldn't imagine a kid, but its not like i'll be having any 'surprises' as im still a virgin, by choice too. it really warms your heart hearing such amazing success stories. thanks to all the people that replied to this thread.

sfgiants

i second that, like i always now there are acceptions to everything, but somehow i found a whole bunch of you wonderful people. So thank you for putting a spin on this whole thread, i didnt think this many would have posted with success stories.