jtmonkey666

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I wanted to start a thread where people could share the stupid or funny things that have happened to them while having sex. Kind of like the stories that come out when you are having pints and talking with a few buddies that you haven't seen in a while. I guess I will get the ball rolling with this little gem.

I was having a few pints with friends one day when a girl I was casually sleeping with wandered in. We talked for a bit and she asked my to come over that night to "watch a movie." I told her I would be along shortly as I wanted to finish my pint and the game of Golden Tee that we were playing. Well, one game turned into a few, and the pints kept coming so when I showed up at her door 3 hours later, I was wrecked. She was not too impressed, but I decided to top myself by going into her bathroom, throwing up, breaking her toilet, and managing to make a huge mess in the process. She took this in stride, and while she was cleaning up, I passed out on her bed. I woke up halfway through the night, still really drunk but feeling frisky, so I woke her up to have sex. That took a little fast talking, but I managed it. Everything was going fine, but then all of a sudden she got really mad, bucked me off and told me to go to sleep. I was too messed up to figure out what happened so I just passed out. The next morning I asked her what happened, why she got so mad, and she told me I stuck it up her ass with no warning, lube, whatever. I honestly didn't mean too, and still don't really know if that was my intention or if I just was off with my aim. After a little fast talk, I convinced her that we needed to work on my aim for a bit, so we had sex again, she made me breakfast and then I went home.

I have more stories, but I can't wait to read some of everyone elses.

Juan.©amaney

I nailed a midget once.

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nikkipornoface

Pics?

Juan.©amaney

Nah, but I have claw marks on my cavs...

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Twilight

ahahaha... i'm crying...

snarky

wow thats great
One time a friend of mine from high school told me about the first time he had sex;

He was 15 and somehow he met a girl who was 19. they went to her house to have sex. she was experienced, but it was his first time, so when he entered her he didn't have a chence to pump once before he came. and her reaction was what I'm sure every guy wants to hear in that situation: "awww, isn't that cute"

i think he was very brave for telling us that story.

chazos

HAHA ouch!!!
Man that guy had guts to share it, but hey he bagged a 19 year old when he was 15!!! :rock:

ljg069

Is this the Beastiality section????????????

Juan.©amaney

as long as the animal isn't related to you..incest is just sick.

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tsmo

so.. Im sitting in Spanish class in high school back in the day. Another kid sitting next to me is going through his wallet and I notice a picture of a girl that he has in it. "hey" I remark to him. " I know her".. " Thats ****** **** right?" I continued... "Dude. she was awesome.. she was a friend of a friend, and she stopped by to see him but he wasnt around.. just me.. I took her to the park and enjoyed the day with her. and later on got her back to my apt and had totally awesome sex with her.. " then I quipped to my classmate.. "how do you know her?" and he just blanked stared at me.. and slowly mummered.. "shes my girlfriend"

true story.. I was mortified that I just told this dude his girlfriend was a great lay.

beefheart

ok here's a classic... one time me and my girlfriend went out for some kind of ethnic food that didn't quite agree with me. the whole night wicked gas pressure was building up in my stomach like crazy... of course i was on a date with my girl so i held it in, not wanting to bust out nasty curry farts whilst on a date. so anyway we went back to my place and started having sex, and the whole time i was just clenching my ass trying to keep this horrendous swamp gas pressure from escaping. well, my girlfriend has these totally amazing wicked boobs that i just can't resist sometimes... so i figure i'm going to finish the job on them. i straddle her so im across her stomach, and right at the moment of triumph i'm struck with another gas wave... and of course as i'm cumming i lose my last scrap of hoop clenching control and this horrendous shock wave of monster gas come rocketing out of me, reverberating loudly on my girlfriend's stomach like some kind of satanic sonic boom - so strong i could actually feel my stomach deflating at the same time. the look of suprise, shock and horror frozen on her face (and i'm sure the same on mine) as my load goes flying everywhere to the accompaniment of this symphony of flatulence was something i'll never forget. luckily she has an amazing sense of humour and we both laughed ourselves stupid after. what a dumbass i am... i'll never eat ethnic food on a date again.

jcoop

My girlfriend is an actress, and after the last night of one of her plays we go out for a drive with a friend. We end up at the beach. Me and my girlfriend are pretty horny and kind of going at it. Our friend says " damn, why don't you guys just go at it"

My girlfriend jumped at the opportunity, she offered him ten bucks and the privledge to drive my car home, to let us fuck in the backseat. He agreed and me and my girlfriend went at it. I guess I perform well under pressure or something, because I lasted for 45 minutes that night, and it was only my fourth or fifth time having sex.

Needless to say my friend was pretty pissed off that it took so long, and he didn't want anyone to know that he had agreed to that deal. I on the other hand wanted everyone to know =).

kaosfeer

That was just fucking funny!

Waldo

i tag teamed a deaf girl

and
i also fucked a one armed girl

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both my car and my bike can ride on the rear wheel[s]
"Remember one thing, no matter how pretty she is, someone, somewhere, is tired of HER SHIT"