jahlive

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I have been married for a little over a year. The problem I am having is that my wife hardly ever wants to have sex. I think in the last year we have averaged once a month if that. I am always horny and try to get her to have sex all the time but she always has an excuse. I am at the point of not even trying anymore because it just pisses me off.

Now I have another problem when we do have sex it is always the same she is on her back and I pound the crap out of her. Then after I cum and she does too or at lest she tells me she did she tells me to get off and she gets dressed and that is it. When I try to start having sex with her again right after she has a fit and tells me guys can't do that even though my pennies is hard as a rock and ready for some more.

Lastly I want a BJ so bad I am ready to pay for it. I can't remember the last time I had one I am thinking it had to be back when we were just dating and that had to of been almost 4 years ago now.

I just want to know if anyone has some advice for me. I am 23 and it seams as though all I think about is having sex. When I am alone for a day or any time at all I masturbate the whole time until my wife comes home. Even if she gets in the shower I will masturbate at lest once.
If any one can help please do I don't know how long our marriage will last like this.

HIJACKER

Your 23 and MARRIED for 3 years already?? I'm guessing military??

Anyways, does your relationship have a lot of stress involved? Stress will make couples less sexually active over time. DO you both still get along really well or have things started going downhill?

The problem could be any number of things. Sex could be the same ole' thing to her making it very boring and more-so like a chore. If thats all she does is lay on her back and you pound the crap out of her.. is this her idea or yours? What would happen if you tried to do something romantic or something to spice up the relationship?

I hate to say this but.. is it at all possible she cheating on you on the side?? I'm not trying to make you think the worst, I just want you to review all the options of what it could possibly be.

The first step is to talk to her. You have GOT to sit down and talk with her about it and get her true feelings about the problem. That should give you the answer and if it doesn't, come back.. and post what she said then we can give you some more specific advice.

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jahlive

I have only been married for a little over a year now not three and no I am not in the military. As for her cheating on me I have thought of that and I have looked into it but their is nothing to make me believe that.

As for the sexual position that is her I try to get her to try different ways but she tells me this is what feels the best.

As for talking to her I have tried she tells me I am in a fantasy world and no one has sex as often as I want to. I told her maybe so but most have sex more then 12 times in a whole year. I just don't know what to do or try.

But thank you for your reply and if you have anymore ideas let me know.

koRnstaR

I agree with Hijacker. Stress, depression, or insecurities can have an affect on any realtionship.

You know men and women think of intimacy in totally different ways. Men tend to think of sex as the greatest form of intimacy. Women tend to belive in the more emotional side of things; which usually include romance and some type of touch.

Someone once gave me an analogy of this type of situation....

Men are like microwaves they cook things quickly. While women are like ovens, they need to time to warm up before they can cook.

However, communication is an absolute necessity! You really should sit down and talk to her, with an understanding that it will be a completely open conversation. Meaning that either of you can express your feelings freely without any reprocutions. (excluding cheating of course)

Good luck!

HIJACKER

Exactly what Kornstar said.. but.. also add this one to it..

Your relationship and feelings can't be based on what everyone else does, or even what she "thinks" everyone else does. Hell.. with that frame of mind.. you could respond with.. "Well, there are guys in relationships who cheat and beat their wives, but obivously I'm not him. You can't base what we do on what you THINK everyone else does" Sounds like shes trying to live a life she thinks everyone lives and not be herself.

If talking doesn't help, this is seriously something you both will need to talk to a counselor about. It's cauing tension now.. and if not solved, it will destroy your marriage.

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siopawman

i dont think (personally, since im not yet married) that sex is the only issue here. i agree with kornstar that communication is important. if she doesnt want to talk about it, find alternatives to get into her head... like take some time to get close "intimate" with her, do the things she likes, then MAYBE she would open up her feelings about why she is like that. if she's not aware that she's causing the relationship some trouble, try not to put it on her face... when you force someone to do things, there's this tendency that they might go the otherway around... have more patience and show her that you value her, but make it a point that she must also return that value... its a give and take relationship

try to be nice and talk to her... but dont accuse her of anything... but be READY for her reasons... you might get surprise yourself (like the reason why she was acting like that is because you trigger her to act that way) just a thought ofcourse.

hope this helps...

Juan.©amaney

Fuck other women. Go out with your friends an see what's out there. She is your wife and has a conjugal debt to you. If she isn't taking care of you, some other girl will. More than likely she is unhappy wit the marriage, or uninterested in sex. Such a woman should not be married to you. You deserve better. Many men wouldn't have been so patient, if you think you tried your best...move on.

what the fuck is wrong with you getting married so damned young in the first place?!

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AmorMiHombre

The things she says and the way she acts makes me question whether or not she has sexual trauma in her past..molestation? rape? Or maybe something recently since you say she used to blow you when you were dating...

Also did this only start up when you got married? As someone else asked, do you get along outside of the sex you do have?

She might just be very naive...did she have an ultra-religious upbringing? When she says people do it as often as you two and that penises can't be hard after ejaculation she seems a bit uneducated when it comes to sex...if "uneducated" is the correct word.

Hope this helps....

cair0

is she on the pill?

My girlfriend got put on it and she completely lost her sex drive, only time she ever wants to do anything was on her periods when the pills were just sugar pills...

well i put an end to that :p

joerockhead

Do you go down on her? Do you try to make her cum? Do you ask her what she wants to do?

Other then talking to her, try to MAKE LOVE, not Bang her.
Do you show he love in other ways? Appriciate her?

jahlive

First off I want to say thank you to all for their advise.

Now as for some of your questions:

I have tried all sorts of things to get her in the mood. I have tried being very romantic and that does no good. To give you an example I planed a nice weekend alone at this beautiful cabin in the mountains. I made us a nice diner and we ate under candle light looking out at the snow. Needless to say after diner I started kissing her and so on then after a few minutes she tells me she is very tiered and wants to go to bed. I got a little pissed off but didn't say anything and walked her to the room and pulled the covers over her in bed and then she gave me a kiss and said goodnight. So I spent the rest of the night cleaning up the dishes from diner and then sat next to the fire watching T.V. and drinking. The next morning no luck there she told me we had things to do so we packed up our shit and drove back home.

After that weekend I have given up on being romantic and doing shit like that. I know now the only time we will ever have sex is when she gets a hair up her ass and tells me she wants too. And for you out their that say well when she tells you she wants to I should tell her no. I have tried it does no good but put off having sex until next time she gets a hair up her ass.

As for our relationship out side of sex it is going good and the only problem are caused by our sex life. It seams when I try to talk to her it turns into a fight. Other then talking about our sex life we communicate really good.

As for her being on the pill: She in not on the pill but good thought thank you.

As for her having sexual trauma in her past or recently: She has never told me of anything and I have no way of finding out if she doesn't tell me about it.

As for her being uneducated about sex I think you are right and I have tried to tell her she just doesn't believe me and when I say well lets try she says no. So if you know of a better way to educate her let me know and as for porn or so on she refuses to watch them.

If you have more Ideas let me know if not thank you very much for you input.

jahlive

Yes I try to go down on her and she refuses to let me I try everything. It is her that want to just lay on her back; all she tells me is to do it hard.

Juan.©amaney

Some women are just frigid, bro. I remember seeing some show on TV "House Calls" where a shrink visited couples on the verge of divorce to councel them. Once there was a show where the couple had sex once a year. The man worked his ass off and traveled a lot. The woman stayed home. They saw each other very few times a year and sometimes when they did, he STILL wouldn't get any. The doctor seriously told them divorce was their only choice. The woman had no interest in sex and the man would have eventually cheated on her. She had no sexual trauma at all, she just thought since they didnt want kids, the sex wasn't important and it was ickie.

It sounds like you are a great guy, I would have lost my patience by now. In my honest opinion, I see you two headed for divorce if the situation is not corrected. If she isn't willing to try, start looking for a lawyer.

I'll throw in a little personal experience. My sister and brother and law got married relatively young (her 26, him 24). He tells me a lot about their relationship. My sister was brought up very religious and wasn't a slut at all. He has told me lots about their relationship. He told me they screwed around before they were married (I wasn't too happy about that, but FUCKIT) and he even tells me he knocked her up and they "took care of the situation" to which I resent my sister and him VERY much so, yet pretend like it doesn't bother me and keep my mouth shut because my parents would basically disown her...dead serious here.

Back on track...he is in the same situation you are. The first few months he got it daily. My sis has always been on the lazy side, sleeps late, goes to bed early, not much physical activity. My brother in law is a freak. He loves sex. After a while, he tells me my sister started losing interest. No oral, cuz she thought it was ickie. So on and so forth until she made him jump through hoops just to get it.

He is a plumber and she is a pharmacist. They now have a daughter and both of them get home tired form work. They have been married about 4 years now. He says he is lucky to get it once a month. So when he does get it, he nuts real quick and she rolls over and complains. She is constantly tired, and he is too; physical labor is a bitch.

They get a long VERY WELL, outside of sex. He goes out a lot with me to clubs, bars, etc. I see him talking to other girls, and know he has extra-marital sex. I keep my mouth shut. If my sister were taking care of him, he would have no need to do that. If he had waited longer to get married, he would have known that she would lose interest.

They do what they have to do to get by. I know if my sister finds out they will get divorced. I know I will get blamed for it for not saying anything. I'll drop the bomb on everyone and spill it if they try to put me at blame. I was just an observer.

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OrdinaryGirl

Hmmm. How were things sexually before you got married? And the comment about the pill is a very good point...has she started the pill since you've been married?