J_Vestabuchas

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I have a personal dilemma on my hands.
There is this girl I am good friends with. I actually became good friends with her after asking her out to a movie. She accepted and we had a really, really good time together, things just seemed to click between us. When I dropped her off she kind of bolted to the door, kind of left me hanging without any warning. The next day she wrote me a lengthy e-mail about being bi-sexual and in a relationship with a woman. She that the relationship was going badly and that when she told the other girl about going out with me the other girl said that she “was glad”. She said that she really liked me and that if she were not with the other girld she would like to be dating me, and that she wanted to hear from me still. From now on I will refer to the girl I like as “T” and here girl-friend as “G”. Well I really had a good time with T and though well there is no real reasons we can’t be friends so me and T started to hand out a lot. After knowing each outer for a few months T and I got really close. We had so much in common, same hobbies, same views, same open minded-ness about the world (she is a sociology student and I am an anthropology student so it is tough to find people with like views), heck she even liked going fishing and hiking with me. Well G fluctuated from not caring that we were seeing so much of each other, even going as far as inviting me around more often, and completely hating my being around. G treated T like crap, she blatantly cheated on her, many times G would make out with random guys around me. But still T stayed with G. One day I asked T what she though of us she said that she was planning on breaking up with G but that it was hard because they had been part of each others life for so long. T never broke up with G, and at a certain point I told T that I was thinking about dating and what she thought of it. T said that she was having problems with G that she didn’t get along with G but that she was having a hard time breaking up. I told her that I was planning on dating other girls, she said ok but that she new that it would really upset her when she saw me with a girl. We stayed good friends and still saw a lot of each other. One night after a pretty traumatic day for T, I stayed the night over at T’s to comfort her. Things started getting intimate between us, this had happened before so was not unusual, at a point though she just started crying. I don’t know what happened she just started crying, I tried to comfort her but couldn’t do anything. It hurt me to see her cry like that. She asked me to leave, I didn’t want to leave her like that but she told me if I cared about her at all I would leave. So I left, I sat in my car in the parking lot wondering what to do. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I do know what she had been depressed lately and was on medication for it and had expressed suicidal thoughts to me before. I had been diagnosed with depression sometime back and had suicidal thoughts to at the time so I didn’t know is I should stick around and make sure she was ok or what. She knew that one night before when she had been crying and taking about suicide I had stayed up the whole night to make sure she would be ok, so there I sat in my car, a few minutes went by and she called me and asked where I was, I told her I was sitting in my car and that I was worried about her. She told me not to worry and that it was cold (about 15*F) and that I should go home. So I went to a bar and got drunk.
So what my question is, is should I call her? Should I wait for her to call me? I was supposed to do something with her and a group of people later this week, should I go? I really care about her so I don’t know what to do. It's not like I need to date her, I would like to, but I would rather not lose her completely in doing so.

roachdude

First off, I recommend learning to use paragraphs, as that was the most horrific experience I have ever had reading on the internet. hehe... im half joking... but am still serious.... :wiggle:

as for your issue at hand... ummmm seeing as how she called you asking where you were... she evidently cares about you... and cares that you care about her.

i would wait for her to call you. but dont sit by the phone. go out and do stuff with your friends and what not. if a week or so passes by without any word from her, i would say to text her or email her. i know it sounds impersonal, but just drop her a line like hey just checking in... hope things are better.... etc.

a phone call might be more than she wants right now. just let her know that you are there for her. rawr.

J_Vestabuchas

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Thanks for the advice and sorry for the no paragraphs. I just started rambling. I did give a "long" warning though.

AmorMiHombre

1. This was harder than algebra class for me with all those damn T's and G's and me's and her's and ugh

2. paragraphs, just means dicing it up so it's easier to read.

3. You should have stayed with her when she said to leave or at least gone back up when she called....it was almost like a test of sorts...or at least you could have shown you were willing to stick things through.

4. go to the group thing..at the very least you'll see some of your other friends.

5. if you REALLY dig her than try and stick with it, but with all this bisexual shit and then her ex cheating on her wtih guys and them still staying together and her cheating with you....seems retarded to me. At the very least, it's immature. Add in the depression and the suicidal thoughts and it's a bad mix. Then again you don't want to totally ditch her if she's a friend in need....

I don't know and it's late and i'm very tired.....Basically it doesn't sound worth it to me...What has she offered you that's been positive? I'm sincerely asking...How long have you known her? Now that i've re-read everythign, how old is she??

-Y.

J_Vestabuchas

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Maybe it is all just retarded. I probably should have stayed but I didn't, and I can't do anything about that now.

Its hard to explain what she's offered me that was so positive. Its not a question I was expecting to be asked. If you can think of someone you felt totally comfortable with and then think about losing that person you might know what I feel. I think that because I felt so comfortable around her I never thought that what she was doing was a test of sorts until you mentioned it. I'm not sure I think of it as a test now but you have given me something to ponder.

sillyrabbit

just a little advice if you add any more....next time you dont have to tell so much detail....like the things you both have in common, just sayin you have alot in common will get the point accross...

my opinion...id treat her as a friend. be there for her because she obviously needs some help with the whole suicide thing and abadoning her now would only make things worse for her....and i wouldnt recommend gettin involved intimately with her again. i know you may have been really comfortable with her, but unless youre desperate for a girfriend.....theres plenty of fish in the sea :happycow: ...youll find someone else that cares about you the same as you do them

about the what to do.....the email or text thing is a great idea. itll let her know you care, but you dont want to give her the wrong impression....definitely dont call her. id do the group thing if it was me to let her know that you can still have a good time together as friends....just make sure not to focus your night around her...good luck