OrdinaryGirl

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Remember I'm writing for a middle aged crowd for the magazine. This one is aimed directly at them.

"He sipped his rye and coke slowly, wiggling his toes in his shoes, feet a bit sore after 18 rounds of golf in the sun. Setting his glass down on the table, he looked around the lounge, nodded to a business client he recognized, let his eyes settle on the blonde at the bar.
Her long tanned legs were crossed at her delicate ankles, a gold chain glimmering in the rays of the setting sun shining through the club windows. He let his eyes slide up the shapely calves to the smooth, sleek thighs flowing from under her white cotton shorts, over the curve of her ass on the barstool, up the small of her back to where her silky hair lay between her shoulderblades.
She swiveled the stool in his direction and he could now see the curve of her firm breasts jutting out above a flat stomach, a glimpse of more smooth skin above her baby blue scoop neck tshirt, her collarbone and the hollow of her neck a tempting sight. He watched her wrap her full lips around the straw, her cheekbones showing prominently as she sucked, her blue eyes looking beneath dark lashes, down into her glass.
She turned suddenly in his direction and he was about to look away, abashed at being caught mentally groping her, but she smiled and gave him a wave of recognition. Now that she was facing him, he realized that she looked familiar and that he ought to know who she was, but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He smiled back and gave a half-wave, his mind moving a mile a minute, reviewing everywhere he could possibly know her from.
Picking up her drink, she walked over to his table and asked him if it would be okay if she joined him. He nodded and she pulled the chair out, leaning forward as she sat down, giving him a good look down her shirt. Reluctantly he looked up, meeting her startling blue ones. She held out her feminine hand to shake his and reintroduced herself to him, having suspected that he couldn’t quite place her.
As soon as she said her last name it all came flooding back: daughter of one of his golf buddies, and an old babysitter from at least five years ago. He looked her over and marveled at how the young blonde had blossomed from a cute perky teenager to a real woman. She watched his eyes roam over her body and smiled.
“Like what you see?” she asked coyly with a wink.
He cleared his throat and took another sip of his drink. “Well, you certainly have grown up. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you--you look quite different now.”
“So I’m told. It’s amazing what university will do to a girl.” She smiled at him and checked her watch. “I really ought to get going…it’s a long walk home. It was nice seeing you again.”
He watched her get up from the table and found himself offering her a ride home. She looked at him for a long moment and then agreed.
“It’s a good fifteen minute drive. I hope you don’t mind. I can walk, you know, if it’s too much trouble.” She was settling herself into the seat beside him and he looked over and assured her that he indeed did not mind a bit. He backed out of the parking lot and starting driving up the windy mountain road to her countryside home.
“You know…” she said, placing her hand on his leg, “I probably will be out of line saying this but I always found you attractive.”
He looked over at her, slowing the car so as to not drive off the road in his surprise. She smiled in a slightly embarrassed way and started to move her hand. He quickly put his hand on hers to keep it there.
She grinned and continued, “I used to fantasize that you’d drive me home alone after babysitting and about what would happen.”
He tried to keep his voice steady as he asked her if she wanted to tell him exactly what it was she had imagined. Her reply was that maybe it would be better if she showed him. He looked over at her in pleased amazement and surprise. She shrugged and bit her bottom lip, looking at him questioningly. He nodded mutely.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and slid closer, sliding her hand up his thigh and nibbling gently on his earlobe. His pulse started to quicken and he felt himself growing hard as he felt the heat from her hand on the inside of his leg, her soft warm breath in his ear.
He gripped the steering wheel with one hand and ran his fingers through her hair with his other hand as she undid his pants and slid the front of his underwear down, exposing his hard cock. He struggled to keep his eyes on the road as she leaned her head into his lap, running her tongue around the ridge of his penis.
She nibbled up and down his shaft, and then gave one long lick from the base to the head before plunging him deep into her warm wet mouth. Her hand stroked him as she sucked him slowly in and out, feeling him hard against her tongue and the roof of her mouth.
He moaned and fought the urge to close his eyes, feeling his rock hard cock slide between her soft tight lips, felt her tongue running around and around, working its magic on him. Her right hand slide farther down and started massaging his balls, as her left hand twisted and stroked faster, following her mouth as she took him in and out at a quicker pace.
He gasped and let his foot off the accelerator as he felt himself passing the point of no return, felt himself pulse and release in her sweet hot mouth, filling it as she sucked every last drop out of his throbbing cock. His heart pounded furiously as she kept her mouth on him, waiting for the intensity to pass, then ever so softly licked him clean.
He cleared his throat, putting on his turn signal to turn onto her road as she sat up and gave him a little sideways smile. He grinned back and shook his head, pulling his shirt down to hide the fact that his pants were undone, as he pulled up to parent’s house.
“Thanks for the ride,” she said cheerily with a wink as she got out of the car.
“Anytime,” he replied. “Anytime.” "

dscallaway69

you are a great writer, i can not get enough of your stories. I do like this one though, i must say it is very easy to imagine and bond with the character in the story

sillyrabbit

i liked it a lot.....me not being the target audience would probably enjoy the follow up more

some constructive criticism....it has a porn movie feel to it.....she came on to him too quick. i wouldve liked to have seen the moment build up more....maybe some teasing in the car instead of sliding over and gettin right to business. just my opinion, but i guess the guys might enjoy more action and less build up...very well written though....the descriptive language to picture the girl was really nice. keep up the good work and post more any time you feel like it

OrdinaryGirl

I'm only allowed 1000 words. I had already exceeded it by 100 words by the end. I had no room for any more buildup than that.

But thank you for your criticism and compliments.

Juana!

excellent story OG... reading what you write makes me "visualize" and enjoy more your stories...

the best part was how you described her on the part with the straw... I had a bf that he said that i drove him crazy when i sipped thru a straw... jajajjaa crazy memories...

I love your stories... maybe one of this days I will role pla one of those with my husband... waiting for something really steammy ... EXCELLENT job

___________________________________________

La_LovelyLady

WONDERFUL writing as always OG...pure talent

volfro

You're most excellent, friend OG.

As others have said, my only qualm would be the length (and therefore buildup) of the story. But you've explained that, and you did QUITE a job for having such a small amount of copy to work with.

Look forward to seeing more! You darn good writer you

kulotsalot

you write stories that are worth reading OG! i read thru all your literotica submissions and they're great. hope you'll post more now i gotta go find a place where i can be alone... stories like this always get me hot and bothered.

OrdinaryGirl

Thanks, Kulot! Any story ideas you'd like to read about, just let me know.

bt7100

They do that to me too Kulot.

Again, another hot one OG. Have you thought about writing a book filled with these?