sillyrabbit

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Have you ever been in a relationship that you knew the person wasnt "the one", but you stayed in it because you were happy with them anyway? If so, how did it work out, did it only make you wish you hadnt wasted all that time with someone you knew you could never be truely happy with? If not, would you ever, just for the sake of your happiness at the time?

OrdinaryGirl

What if "THE ONE" doesn't exist? What if we don't actually have a soulmate or someone that we find and instantly know is the person we've been waiting for our whole lives?

I believe people should live in the present. If two people are happy together, then that's good enough. When being in a relationship makes one or both of them feel bad more often than it makes them feel good, then maybe it is time to end it. But I really do NOT believe that someone should be in a relationship while all the while keeping an eye out for the next good thing to come along. That simply breeds discontent and problems.

nitro_D

Yeah I was in a relationship like this but only a brief period of time so there really was not that much time wasted but it was a headache . What I did to work it out was called her up on the phone and told her it wasnt there and I didnt feel we were compatable and ended it just like that! She screamed and threw a fit on the phone her mom picked up the phone and went off on me and I hung up ! THE END!

sillyrabbit

Personally im an idealist, not a realist OG. I hope there is someone out there made for each of us. I was just wondering how people value temporary happiness. If being happy in the moment is what matters most, than what do we have to look forward to?

RacerX93

I agree with OrdinaryGirl. You may feel like someone is "the one" and have gushy warm feelings for them for awhile. But eventually, if you don't have more than that, you won't make it. It's a cliche', but you have to have a commitment to the person that you are going to stand by them if you want a lasting relationship. Because we are all not too lovable at certain times in our lives, and without the commitment, the relationship will not survive those times.

I think this goes along with sillyrabbit's question about what love is. Love is my dad taking care of my mom for the last year of her life when she was dying of cancer. They had been married for 37 years at the time, so I'm sure those warm fuzzy feelings came and went at various times over the years. But because they had a commitment to each other and loved each other (in their actions as well as words), they made it until death did them part. That's the kind of happiness I'm looking for. It's the kind of love and happiness that lasts a lifetime because it isn't just based on the feelings that most people think are love.

mtaiken

I dated a girl in college that I just knew was the one. After the first year she totally changed. She became possesive and vindictive. She started spying on me. She even went as far as putting her fist through my bedroom window when I was so asleep that I didn't hear her knocking on the door. So she thought I was cheating. I blew it off as no big deal when she swore all she did was knock on the window. But then I went to a baseball game without her, which she was invited to, but decided that she didn't want to hang with my friends. She ends up talking her way into the game somehow without a ticket. Finds me in a crowd of 40,000 people and then claimed that I blew her off. When I denied it, she started clawing and hitting me infront of all the crowd and my friends. She told all of our friends that I was the one who hit her so only my friends that were with me saw what happened. I stayed with her for too long just simply because I thought she would pull some crazy stunt since she had a key to my place. I Changed the lock on the door, broke up with her and 6 months later she was engaged to some other guy. I feel for him. I had a blast with her until we started talking about marriage. So I just know he had no idea what type of person she was.

So... you don't know if someone is the one until you've been with them for a while. No matter how good it is.

Ryan

I'm CURRENTLY in a relationship with someone who I am not sure if she is the one. She loves me to death, and I know I don't feel as strongly about her. The problem is this: She's better than I deserve, and I know it. I don't feel the connection with her that I think she feels with me, and I feel bad, but at the same time, she is more attractive and sweeter than any girl I've ever had a chance with. We just aren't on the same page mentally- I've got a college degree and work in business. She's a waitress. I like riddles and politics, she likes Dr. Phil and Oprah. I can give a lecture on global warming and it's effects on el nino and tropical weather, she's blond.

It's really a catch 22- I don't think I'll ever find anyone better. In terms of attractiveness, she's out of my league. However, if I stay with her, it seems I'll always be unfulfilled mentally- no challenges or stimulating conversation. If I leave her, I doubt I'd ever find someone nearly as attractive (or if I did, she'd probably be a biatch or something).

I figure I look for 3 things in women- looks, personality, and brains. She's easily model material, so looks are taken care of. She is honestly one of the nicest people I've ever met, and she would NEVER cheat on me or do ANYTHING to hurt me (in fact, it's kind of annoying that I basically control the relationship and get whatever I want... there is such thing as TOO nice). So of the 3 things I look for, she FAR exceeds my needs for 2, but doesn't quite make it on the third.

It's been 2.5 years now. We live together, and we are happy- we don't fight, and we love each other. But honestly, its getting to the time when our families and friends are wondering when I'm going to put a ring on her finger, and I'm struggling with the decision of if/when to do that. I know I'm not ready for that yet, but more importantly, I don't know if I should stay with her- period. I would hate to hurt her, and it would ruin her life to break up with her. I really do love her. There's just the one thing... am I being selfish?

sillyrabbit

wow racer....thats the nicest thing ive ever heard you say on here....it was perfect

utopic....i dont think youre being selfish, but many people would disagree. and i wouldnt marry her....having someone that you love, especially if they love you even more, to spend the rest of your life with would be great, but you only get one life. i hope to spend the majority of mine with someone i truely love, not just someone who makes me happy. personally, i wont ever live with someone that im not married to....i think you develop a connection thats hard to break when your living with a bf or gf. friends that i have actually cared much more for their bfs than they ever would have if they hadnt lived with them....i think it plays tricks on your feelings....it makes you care about someone more because your around them so much. its like watching the bachelor, or many of the other reality shows....the people think they care about eachother much more than they actually do because their living together, or maybe just spending almost all their time together....sorry, i know that was long, but im strongly against living with someone your dating at a young age....obviously that doesnt apply to everyone

Ryan

sr- I agree. I didn't want to live together. I was dead set against, in fact. Unfortunately, the circumstances didn't allow for anything else. I graduated college, and my roommate moved back to northern california. I couldn't afford my own apartment at the time (didn't have a job yet), and her roommate had just gotten engaged. It was really the only thing we COULD do (besides her move back home with her parents... 3 hours away). I would have moved home while I looked for a job, but I couldn't- my stupid parents moved into a 55+ community! Bastards!

sonrisa10201

hehe, im more of an idealist too, but everyonce in a while the realistic side of me likes to peak out. but right now i believe in being happy right now, im not so worried about the future because nobody really knows what it holds.