tmcsaint72

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Ok so maybe me and my girl havent been going out for that long (almost 5 months) but i fill something for her that i have never felt for anyone else i have ever been with. for the past month or so we have been talking about starting a long engagement (until we have graduated college). however my mom is putting a lot of pressure on me just to buy her a promise ring. i have never liked the idea of a promise ring...because it is just that a promise...and promises can be broken. i also see them alot in high schools now and dont feel that anyone takes there meaning seriously. however i feel that an engagement is more than giving someone a promise but more giving them your heart and soul. me and my girl talked about it tonight and she said she didnt care if i just wanted to get a promise ring now since they are less expensive. i think it is important to say that she was engaged just a month before we started dating and her fiance cheated on her and dumped her. anyway anyone have any views on this?

thanks
Saint

slawz

meh, ppl can get engaged and still break up (e.g. case of her ex). it's not about what you call/name it. you can still give your heart and soul even if you're not engaged. you sound like if you're not engaged then you wont give her your all? i know thats not true, but do you? those are only human-made criteria, dont get tangled in them.

kulotsalot

Whatever you and your girlfriend do, make sure it's your decision, not something that was forced upon you by your mother/other people. I also echo slawz's point - no matter what you call it, sometimes they fail, sometimes they don't. Friendships don't start with promises or contracts, but they can last a lifetime. Marriages - which are supposed to last forever - don't always follow the "til death do us part" route.

Anibal

according to your profile u have just turned 19 it would be better if we knew how old she is.

To answer what u have asked its the same thing to give the engagement or the promis ring (granted the promise one is cheaper) but i think u dont really need to give either one of them. Engagements and promises can be broken, 5 months is little time to be making engagements but theirs no age for love and commitment.

My advice would be to take it slow, give her the promise ring and see were your relationship goes from there, if u are ready make your engagement then, but dont do it know because u think that the promise is not enough to show how u feel about her. Again, take it slow theres no reason to rush this kind of thing.

Best of luck

tmcsaint72

shes 18

skept

! That is your answer right there!

Shes too young to be engaged IMO. A promise ring would be the way to go - that way you show that you are committed to her BUT in the same respect you don't make a decision that is potentially life changing.

Gansey

Yeah wait atleast another 6 months and then see where you stand. The first few months are always great in a relationship. Just take it slow, if you 2 are meant to be together then you have nothing to worry about anyways. Just because u dont get engaged doesnt make your relationship any less.

Durango02

I agree that you should wait, me (22) and my gf (23)have been together for 3 years, but we want to wait until we get out of school and careers until we get engaged. To us, engagement is just a formality, it won't change how we feel about each other.

You should not have to use a ring (promise or engagement) as proof as to how you feel about her, she should already know.

kpeeze

I think both of you are too young to be married/engaged or otherwise. People break off engagements, marriages and the like just as the might a promise. If you feel compelled to commit something to her, then I think there may be an issue in the relationship, such as you are afraid of losing her. That is hardly a good reason to get propose, or do something else. My suggestion would be to wait until you are both out of school. If you have a good relationship, it should last with or without a promise, an engagement, or any other artificial form of committment. By then you will have aged together, grown to understand each other, and you will be better informed to determine if you are right for each other. Also, if you wait until then, and you both have remained committed to each other, then you know that she will want to marry you as much as you want to marry her. If it doesn't last without a promise or engagement, etc. then you will know that marriage was not the right thing for you.

There shouldn't be a rush, and if there is, then maybe you need to do a little soul searching into the quality of the relationship.

Anibal

i stan by what i said first, now even more strongly... u are too young to be thinking about an engagement.

bakaduin

Im 20 years old and a sophmore in college. I dated my GF from junior year of college and after a year and a half we got promise rings. Last year we got engaged and are getting married in August. Do what makes you happy. There is no rule about when you should or shouldnt get married. Everyone matures differently and youll know when the time is for you.

Anibal

I never said he COULDN´T do it, maybe he is destined to be with her (i dont believe in destiny...) i am 19 and i would never even imagine getting married right now, hence my advice was for him not to do it. I´ve been in a relationship for almost a year and we are not thinking about marriage, we have our priorities and right now marriage isnt one of them.
If he feels like he should get engaged right now then he should do it, but as he said, his mother was pushing him into it... that is never a good reason.

I still think u r too young to be thinking about geting married but it doesnt mean u cant... it worked fine for bakaduin, he is getting married in august. Dude, best of luck on your marriage i hope u stay together and be happy for ever. But i would by no chance recomend someone who is 18 (her gf) to be getting engaged.

tmcsaint72

kinda sad but i forgot i even posted this lol...any way yeah she is 18 what you dont know is she has a two year old daughter (as a result of an abusive relationship) and the father isnt around...so not only have i fallen in love with her but also the little girl.
We have talked about it and decided to wait until this summer before we do anything so that this semester of school will be behind us and we will have time to sit down and talk about it (more than we do now).

Thanks for the advice so far i had a feeling this would bring up some interesting points and discussion. Its much appreciated.

kpeeze

I agree that people mature at different rates, but what is important is experiences. I don't think anyone has enough experiences to be ready for marriage at 20 or thereabouts. Just because people get married at this time doesn't mean that this is the right decision. I am happy for you, and wish you well in your relationship, but respectfully I don't think any one your age has the experiences necessary to make a good decision about marriage.

The younger people marry, the more likely those marriages will end in divorce.