Indigenous

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I've found a bunch of these online over the years and saved some of the funnier ones. Thought I'd share them with you. If anyone has any more, or one of their own, here is the place to post it.

"I have always had a serious gastric problem, so whenever I absolutely couldn't hold it, I would try and make a joke, like the old "pull my finger" trick, so as to divert the embarrassment.

One day after a shower, with just a towel on, I went into my room to get dressed. My boyfriend was in the room as I dropped my towel and felt a fart coming on. While hiking up my leg to flatulate I said, "This is how much I love you" at the same time I dropped a big ol' crap on the floor.

At that moment, we just stared in horror and disbelief with our jaws agape! I absolutely could not, in the farthest reaches of my brain, believe I had just dropped a load on the floor in front of my boyfriend!!I screamed, "Don't look at it!" and jumped into bed and hid under the covers.

I just wanted to evaporate into thin air!! Hence, I aquired the name Pooh Girl."

Another...

"When I went to join the Army we were sent to Los Angeles to take our physical exam. There were about 50 in our group (clad only in our undershorts) and a rumor was circulating that we would go into one room and get a rectal exam.

Midway through the process we were all ushered into a room where a doctor was putting on rubber surgical gloves. I knew this was it. We were all told to turn around, face the wall and drop our shorts. Now I was sure this was it!

The doctor came up behind me first. I felt a tapping on my back so I obediently bent over and 'spread my cheeks' for the dreaded rectal exam. I heard the doctor say, "What the hell are you doing?".

I looked back, as did 49 other recruits, to see the doctor standing behind me with a stethoscope."

And another...

"My boyfriend and I were over at a friend's house and decided to spend the night. My boyfriends back was hurting so he got some BenGay and I put it on his back and then I went and washed my hands in the bathroom. Well, to make a long story short... we went to bed and started fooling around and we ended up having sex. Apparently the BenGay really helped his back! What it didn't help was me.

We didn't use a condom and he came in me so I went to the bathroom afterwards to wash up. Mistakenly I grabbed the same washtowel that I had used to wash the BenGay off my hands earlier. Suddenly my pussy was on fire and I was screaming! My friend came running and asked what was wrong. I was still jumping up and down and trying to get water into the tub so I could rinse off while I told her what I'd done. She thought it was hysterical. She said she thought we were just having really good sex."

And yet another...

"I work as a postman in England. A while ago I had to deliver a very large parcel. It was so big, I couldn't see where I was going. As I approached the house, the door opened. All I could see was a pair of feet.

Being polite, I said: "I hope you have strong arms to carry this in," as I put the parcel on the floor.

When I looked up I saw to my complete embarrassment that the lady standing in front of me was disabled: She had no arms."

michaeljohn

Fun thread, but fits The Bottom of the Hole Forum.

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Bob4Beer

lmao @ the army one

hmongoose

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poi

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Those are a scream!!

Indigenous

A few more...

"My crush asked me out for the first time. While we were out on our date, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes.

The next thing I knew we were making out. Out of nowhere a bird pooped on us and it went right between our lips. My boyfriend freaked! He thought I was having a seizure because he saw this white stuff and he thought it was coming from my mouth.

He starting shaking me. He shook me so hard that he knocked me unconscious. When I woke up after about 5 minutes he asked me if I was alright. I said, "Yes, but you knocked me out."

He replied, "No I didn't. You were having a seizure."

I said, "No, you moron, that white stuff was bird poop."

After that we broke up and never looked each other in the eye again."

...

"I was at a girlfriend's home for Christmas one year and we were all opening our gifts, when her Mom - a fairly large woman - pulls out one of her gifts and holds it up for all to admire.

Now me wanting to throw in as many compliments as I could, told her what a beautiful shower curtain she had received. Guess what? It wasn't a shower curtain, it was a very bright and colorful nightgown.

The entire room went quiet for a moment, then everyone burst into laughter. I was very careful the rest of the night when giving anymore compliments."

and...

"When I was about 18 years old, I was on my way home from a night out drinking and ran over an already dead cat on the road in front of my house.

I pulled over and though it appeared to have been run over repeatedly, I recognized it as my own cat. So I peel the dead cat off the road put it in my car and pull into my garage at home.

I still lived with my parents, so I go in the house crying, waking everyone up. My parents were trying to console me because I forgot to explain that the cat was already dead when I ran over it.

After 20 minutes of being in the warm house the cat began to reek, so I proceeded to the back yard with a shovel in hand. Just as I began to dig my dad yelled from the house, "Hey asshole, you can quit bawling now, your cat is right here in the kitchen."

Look out below...

"My most embarrassing moment was when my husband and I were still dating. We were in bed one night "playing around" and we both had a beer buzz.

Well, I was on top riding away, and sneezed. When I sneezed I farted really, REALLY loud!!

Of course, I almost died with embarrassment, but my boyfriend just laughed and said "Please don't blow my balls off!"

Bob4Beer

I dont know what i would do if some chick farted while fucking.

Esco

I'd thank her and continue.

Bob4Beer

I think id stop, man. Be a little awkward. lmao @ thank you.

Indigenous

That happened to me once. She blamed it on an especially intense orgasm she was having at the moment, so I let it slide.