tmcsaint72

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me and my girlfriend have been going out for about three months now and we both feel that this realstionship could be something really special. However she has been through two previous relationships ( one involving rape and mental abuse and one involving her fiance cheating on her) so as is expected to some serious trust issues and has already said i may earn her full trust. Does anyone have any advice on how i can show her that she can trust me and that i will never hurt her.

bohica mike

It just takes time. Don't do anything to fuck it up and you might be okay. But I seriously doubt if you ever gain her ENTIRE trust. It just doesn't work that way. My ex-fiance (hs-gf of 7 years) cheated on me for an entire year while I was in the military, and every girl since then has payed the price for it, including my now wife. I've been married almost six years now, I have a daughter that is almost four, have another child on the way.....and I still don't trust my wife completely. It's not that I don't trust her, but I have have set myself up to expect that it will happen again (cheating). Like I said, she is paying the price for what that slut-ass did to me. Is it fair? No. Is it right? No. But it's how I am. So, like I said, I seriously doubt you ever get her entire trust, but I wish you the best.

clamsrus

In my experience trust is not something you can earn....it is something that is given by one person to another.

The nature of human relationships and I guess the animal kingdom in general dictates that we are never truely "safe", even though we tell ourselves otherwise to help make life livable and cushion us from reality.

The choice to extend trust to another person is a leap of faith not necessarily based on that person's actions but more on your own confidence in how well you can accept the potential risk in the situation.....ie...we always have our ar$es out in the wind.

My advice is just be who you are......and maybe she will change...feel safe...and eventually decide to make that dangerous leap.......
But then again maybe she won't.......if you love her, start the process of recovery by trusting in her.

tmcsaint72

i just re-read the post and would like to appologize for the typos and the fact that it doesnt really make since when you read it. Basically what i am asking/saying is she has serious trust issues is there anything i can do to show her that i will not hurt her like that and that she can trust me.

Thanks to clamsrus and bohica mike for the advice

Chameleon Grrl

no. just love her unconditionally and live your life like an open book - let her go through your phone if she wants, be where you say you're gonna be when you say you'll be there, etc. i disagree that just because she's been cheated on once she'll never fully trust anyone again, that sounds like a pretty serious personal issue that bohica mike is dealing with.

skept

That is exactly on the money and is exactly what I demand and yea I have one of the worst trust issues known to mankind. Basically if you love her and you want her to trust you, you must be willing to let her do those lil things to make sure that your doing as you say. But the reverse must also apply. She should let you do all those things to her.