kpeeze

Sorry, I have to chime in here, my buddy was a producer for the Newlyweds, and I met Nick a few times. My buddy lived at the house practically. THe problem was that Jessica was asexual. She never wanted to get laid, and Nick would bitch to us that we had it much better: we all got to see about as much of her as Nick could, yet at the end of the day we could go home and fuck our girlfriends, wives, or some random chick from the bar. Jessica never gave a shit about sex, and Nick was frustrated. It never was going to work out.

This is why I personally feel that it is important to sleep with someone before marrying her. If you don't want to sleep around before getting married, that is fine and up to you (though I think it is nice to try things out - you learn and get better at sex yourself, and you figure out what you prefer in a sex partner). But sex is a very important component of marriage, and next to money problems, the biggest reason for divorces. If you don't sleep with your SO before you get married, you'll never know if you are compatible. To me, the whole idea of love is nice and romantic, but I think sexual compatibility is too important of an issue in marriage to not know what the deal is before marriage.

In the end it is your call, but I personally feel it is a big mistake to wait. I think the most important thing is to not necessarily look to the religious teachings literally (assuming they are important to you), but to look to the spirit of them. I think the spirit of waiting for marriage is to not cheapen the act, and to minimize the chances of picking up some STI. If you think about it, premarital sex with the one you intend to marry is consistent with this. You aren't sleeping around, and you are making sure that the all important act of sex with your SO is as good as you were expecting.

That all said, I think it is just sex, but that is me. HTH

fullobull

kpeeze said
"and you are making sure that the all important act of sex with your SO is as good as you were expecting."

poor choice of words " all important "


a marriage isn't about sex. and if you're not compatible in bed, then it's something that you work on, try to understand your partner, be compasionate, understanding. stop being selfish and thinking wether or not you'll get enough. if you truly love your SO then you'll do what you can to make him/her happy. if i want sex, my wife takes care of it, if she doesn't feel up to it, i understand, and visa versa. don't build a marriage on sex. there's better values to have. sex in a marriage is something that can be shared between the 2 of you and to have others involved only cheapens it.

Wilken

Disagreed. I don't want to get started on organized religion, and how it robs people of enjoying themselves (sometimes for their entire lives)...but look at it like we are animals in the wild (which we are, sort of).

You think lions on the serengeti wait until they put a ring on the paw of the other one, in an attempt to conform to rules made up by other lions?? No, they just fuck, fuck again, then take a nap.

If it was me, I would tell you to enjoy yourself...you're only young once!

fullobull

so now we're no better than animals? i'm interested in knowing how you feel about killing freely

Sagaris

Sexual compatability between two healthy people who genuinely love and care for each other is almost unheard of, so don't base your decision on that.
If animal instincts and impatience don't get the better of you, the wait will serve you well in the years to come.
The only downside that I can see , is wondering what sex feels like with another woman when you have only experienced sex with your wife. In reality sex is pretty average unless you truly care for the woman, only then do you begin to realise why they call the ultimate intimate bonding "Making Love".

Anibal

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i think it REALLY and ENTIRELY depends on the person... sure it would be nice to live the honey moon where you loose your virginity to your loved one... but thats not what i did, ive been having sex with my gf for nearly a year know and i lost my virginity a year before that so in my opinion its no that important, she lost her virginity to me and as nice as it is to know that i was her first one, its REALLY no that important o wouldnt have cared for her less if she had had sex before with someone else. When i get married i dont expect to dont have sex with that women untill we get married, unless its what she wants (i really think a relationship can work and be succesfull without having sex... there are other ways of pleasure where u can still keep your virginity) but i wouldnt expect her to be a virgin... that being said i wouldnt CHOOSE to marry a virgin, but we dont choose who we fall in love with.

To make this short, i dont think it is too important to keep your virginity till u get married.

crunkmaster

i think it a good idea but not to everyone u know what i mean

kpeeze

Respectfully, I have many disagreements with this post. Sorry if it is a bit long.

Not sure why that was a poor choice of words. I think sex is very important, and while marriage isn't all about sex, sex is very much an important part of marriage.

As for compatibility, just like with personalities, sometimes people are not sexually compatible. This does not mean that one partner is selfish and not understanding of the other. But people prefer different things. Some people have high libidos and some do not. To wait until marriage to find out that one partner has a high libido while the other does not, would create definite problems down the line. Similarly, people have different preferences about size, movements, positions, etc. Certainly there is give and take in a sexual relationship, but some couples, no matter how understanding the partners are of the other person in the relationship, will never be compatible. It would be tragic to wait until marriage to discover this.

I agree not to build marriage upon sex. But you miss my point. I am not saying that sex is what a marriage should revolve around, but it is a VERY important component that should be determined before entering a commitment, and definitely not one that one should be blind to before marriage.

As for the cheapening argument that you made, I have a few respectful retorts. First, I never said that every person should go have sex with others before marriage, just that two people contemplating marriage, should have sex with each other before marriage to make sure that they are sexually compatible and likely to fulfill eachother throughout the course of their relationship. For those who wish to be eachother's one and only, then premarital sex would be a confirmation of their relationship and an escalation to a more physical relationship. But I also feel for those a bit more openminded, that sex with others (not during a relationship), is good and beneficial. First, it makes people appreciate what they have, when they find a good relationship, both emotionally, and physically. Second, it is a good opportunity to learn from others. I know this will be a poor metaphore, but it is better in sports to have different coaches over a career, who can each contribute different knowledge, observations, and insights. To only have only one person from which to learn, would severely limit the potential and skill (for lack of a better term) of a person.

To speak from personal experience, there are multiple girls whom I have had sexual relationships with, that would never have been good in bed (at least for me), no matter how patient and understanding I was, and how long we worked at it. Had I married one of them, without knowing, I would have had an extremely unfortunate sex life for the rest of my life, and that would have been a very depressing situation. I have slept with many different women, and learned much from many of them. With an open mind, and eagerness to improve, and this experience, I believe I am a far better lover than I would have been otherwise. Now I am in a relationship, where we are very much in love, very compatible, and have an amazing sex life. The fact that I have been with other women, and experienced these different experiences, helps me realize just how special my current girlfriend is. I don't care how many guys my girlfriend has been with, because it isn't important to me, nor is the reverse important to my girlfriend. The only important thing is that we were safe when we were with other people, we brought our myriad of experiences with us to this relationship, and mutually appreciate this. This doesn't cheapen our relationship, but rather has enhanced the depth of it. I don't care if she had been with 5 guys or 500 guys before me. The only things I care about are that she is clean, experienced, we are compatible, and that each other is the only one for each other. She fits all of these criteria.

kpeeze

I'm sorry but with all due respect, I could not disagree more. Anecdotally, I would say there are people who are certainly sexually compatible, and others who are not. Sure most everyone could procreate with eachother, but that is not what we are discussing.

I think sexual compatibility, while not dispositive, is certainly a critical factor to be determined before entering a lifelong commitment.

Anibal

shit, he does make a point here

bigsexdaddycool

For some people, it's important. For me...at first it was..but not anymore.

I grew up saying I would stay a virgin until marriage. my first experience with a girl was at a very young at....10 or 11. She and I were friends and one day we decided to fool around. We really didn't know what the hell we were doing. So I always have said after that, technically I was a virgin...but yet I wasn't.

I didn't have much luck with the girls in school until I got out of school and started working and having more confidence. My last relationship I had, I came very close to losing my virginity...but in the back of my mind, I felt we were going too fast, and at the time, didn't feel very romantic. even though the night prior to what we were doing was fun.

Eventually she cheated on me with another guy (someone she met online and traveled to go meet and eventually had sex with him the first night they met).

Now I feel it has no importance. If you're with someone and you're heart tells you it feels right..and if their ready as well. Go for it. I think had I had more confidence back then, I would have rocked my ex's world..and we'd probably still be together today.

fullobull

according to the other posts, you likely wouldn't have rocked your ex's world since you don't have enough experience

fullobull

does anyone know what the divorce rate is today compared to what it was ...say.....back in the day when they believed in saving themselves for marriage?

BlackPearlSpace

No. If you subscribe to church values, then you'll have to decide based on that. It seems to me to be a means of controlling a group of people that is no longer valid today.
Decide if what they have to say is of any value to you. Do you get anything out of it, or are you doing it just cause they say to.