HELBOUN

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If it's a repost it should be a good 1

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you
left, I
swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded
little boy
in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make
contact.
In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to
me. I
guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of
things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about
looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long
as one
of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And
this is
what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for
you in the
eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're
not even
close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her
home
with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the
depth of
my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only
youth
and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a
perfect
body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't
quit.
Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by
this
stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our
lives.
It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed?
Well, in
this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a
better
person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive
Connie?
I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd
tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking,
"Why do I
feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique
or her
slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling
of loss.
Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel
the same
because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean?
Nothing feels
the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without
you. And
everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn
lounge last
year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She
said she
figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know
what she
meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know,
we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in
the
sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does
when
she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the
kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your
grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we
straddle it,
right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes
me sad,
too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the
mirror on
the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we
never used
it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining
order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head
on her
shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful
time. She's
given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's
pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So
we're doing
Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times.
Here's
this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think
of how
much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about
makes me
cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that
gets me
to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and
how
that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you
see how
even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon
ring, all I
can do is think of you? It's true, Connie. In your heart you must
know it.
Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the
grievances away
and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise,
can you
let me know where the fucking remote is.

Love,



Dan

___________________________________________
THE ONLY THING THAT IS CERTAIN IN LIFE IS DEATH

vdawg

http://forums.webrats.com/showthread.php?t=5083

Yeah, I posted this awhile back...it is a good one though!!

Symbolik

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That is funny!

snster

good stuff

reefer77

:rock: that is one of the funniest things ive ever read. I was laughing soooo hard

Jason_Storm

wow thats too long, im not gonna read it!

Jason_Storm

seriously

superh

Wow...

mystichaze

that's the most obvious post-whoring i've ever seen!



BTW, the letter was hilarious

sonrisa10201

haha, that was awesome!

kaosfeer

Then why the hell would you resurrect a post that's been dead for over 2 months? Man, I hope you get access to the porn soon so we don't have to deal with this shit anymore.

*EDIT* I just realized that he has over 25 posts now, which means he can get into the girl pics section, which means he won't be anywhere but the girl pics section, which means he probably won't see this reply, which means I just wasted a post. grrrrr damn noobs.

BTW, damn funny letter.

jwhairybob

too long to read

newnoise

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Hilarious!!! Deffinently worth the reading time.

ims0punk

-tear- Why doesn't my boyfriend write me heartfelt letters like that? lmao.. Hysterical.