Indigenous

A few more...

"My crush asked me out for the first time. While we were out on our date, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes.

The next thing I knew we were making out. Out of nowhere a bird pooped on us and it went right between our lips. My boyfriend freaked! He thought I was having a seizure because he saw this white stuff and he thought it was coming from my mouth.

He starting shaking me. He shook me so hard that he knocked me unconscious. When I woke up after about 5 minutes he asked me if I was alright. I said, "Yes, but you knocked me out."

He replied, "No I didn't. You were having a seizure."

I said, "No, you moron, that white stuff was bird poop."

After that we broke up and never looked each other in the eye again."

...

"I was at a girlfriend's home for Christmas one year and we were all opening our gifts, when her Mom - a fairly large woman - pulls out one of her gifts and holds it up for all to admire.

Now me wanting to throw in as many compliments as I could, told her what a beautiful shower curtain she had received. Guess what? It wasn't a shower curtain, it was a very bright and colorful nightgown.

The entire room went quiet for a moment, then everyone burst into laughter. I was very careful the rest of the night when giving anymore compliments."

and...

"When I was about 18 years old, I was on my way home from a night out drinking and ran over an already dead cat on the road in front of my house.

I pulled over and though it appeared to have been run over repeatedly, I recognized it as my own cat. So I peel the dead cat off the road put it in my car and pull into my garage at home.

I still lived with my parents, so I go in the house crying, waking everyone up. My parents were trying to console me because I forgot to explain that the cat was already dead when I ran over it.

After 20 minutes of being in the warm house the cat began to reek, so I proceeded to the back yard with a shovel in hand. Just as I began to dig my dad yelled from the house, "Hey asshole, you can quit bawling now, your cat is right here in the kitchen."

Look out below...

"My most embarrassing moment was when my husband and I were still dating. We were in bed one night "playing around" and we both had a beer buzz.

Well, I was on top riding away, and sneezed. When I sneezed I farted really, REALLY loud!!

Of course, I almost died with embarrassment, but my boyfriend just laughed and said "Please don't blow my balls off!"