The first joke has been altered. I told it here in 2005
http://forums.webrats.com/thread87427.html :
"Had a great breakfast today. Poured me a bowl of wheaties, my son's photo is on the box cover. Read the society page in today's Times, my daughter is Harvard Valedictorian. Open up the latest Playboy magazine, the girl I am dating is the centerfold. Poured milk on my cereal, my ex-wife's picture is on the carton. Damn, what a great breakfast!"