WR - View Single Post - jokes of the day, please add yours...

• A college professor in an art class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches, he noticed that one of the young ladies had sketched the man with an erection. The professor said, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She replied, "What other way???" • "In my case," said the student to the sex researcher, "when I get it part of the way in, my vision blurs. And when it's all the way in, I can't see a thing." "Now, that's an most interesting optical reaction," said the researcher. "It may well have anatomical as well as physiological basis. If you don't mind, young man, I'd like to have a look at it." So, the student shrugged and stuck out his tongue. • When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it," replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy." • As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer, "Have you just gotten out of prison?" "Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have anal sex?" "Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'Your turn'" • In interview, Santa was asked: Who's Monica Seles? A tennis player. Ok, who's Monica Lewinski? Penis player. • Q: Why does a blond need a triangle coffin? A: Because everytime their head hits a pillow, their legs spread. • Banta: Did you have a chance to sleep with my wife yet? Santa: What are you saying. I would never even think about such things. Banta: Well. You might want to. She is much better, then yours. • A man kills a deer & cooks it but doesn't tell kids what it is. He gives a clue: It's what mom calls me. Boy cries out: Don’t eat it. It's a fucking asshole. • Doctor: Do you watch your husband's face during sex? Preeto: I did once & saw anger. Doctor: Why Preeto: Because he was watching from the window. • A doctor saw a nurse with one of her boobs hanging out of dress. He questioned her, Nurse said, "Oh these medical students never keep things in place after use!" • Santa: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind? Wife: That you are a homosexual. • Q: What do you call it when a person with multiple personality disorder masturbates? A: An orgy. • Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right? A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed. • Unborn twins in the mother’s stomach saw a penis. 1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai. 2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante. • Remeber: If u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz FUCK stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever & promise me that we FUCK till eternity! • A botany student has brought to our attention the fact that Penis is the only thing that has to be grown before it is planted! • Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for successful penetration. Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches? Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury. • The young couple were holding hands in the Sunshine Gardens nudist camp. "When I tell you I love you," he asked, "why do you always lower your eyes?" "To see if it's true," she answered shyly. • Q: What is the definition of "burning love"? A: It's when at night you reach out for the Vaseline gel and pick up Vicks Vaporub by mistake. • Q: What is the height of shock? A: When you are having sex with a pregnant woman & suddenly a hand grabs your dick from inside! • A gal with his boyfriend opened her legs inviting him 2 fuck n asked: Hamare baby ka naam kya hoga? He wears a condom n says: Iske baad bhi hogaya to ‘Jadugar’. • Q: Why women wear bra & panty with flowers printed on them? A: To pay tribute to men who got burrid at these two places. • Santa standing in balcony without shirt. Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai. Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni bharjai di dekh. • I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts! • One woman stops a taxi- To the airport, please. After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says: You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today. Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant. Well, you haven’t arrived to the airport yet neither. • A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: Five percent said it was to get a glass of water. Twelve percent said it was to go to the bathroom. Eighty-three percent said it was to go home. • Jim says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Steve says, "Why's that?" Jim says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit." • Judge: You want to divorce your husband for threatening you with a deadly weapon? Wife: You got me wrong your honor. I'm divorcing him for threatening me with every night with a dead weapon. • If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get? Tit-Bits. And if it bursts in a man's underwear? Banana split. • Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? A: Magnets have a positive side! • Man: How Much? Prostitute: 25 dollars Man: American Express? Prostitute: For 25 Dollars you can go as fast as you want! • Q: What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A: A man’s undivided attention! • Q: Why do bald men have holes in their pockets? A: So they can run their fingers through their hair. • Q: Why do girls talk so much and guys think so much? A: Girls have two pairs of lips and guys have two heads! • Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn? A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs. • Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they can't make a fist!!! • Q: What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual? A: The way they say ahhhh-men. • One of my friend has named his 3 kids NC, MC and ABC! I asked why, he said: 1st Natural Curiosity, 2nd Mutual Consent & 3rd Absolute Bloody Carelessness. • Man pays Rs 1000 to a prostitute, but she runs away. He chases but fails. He puts a notice: If anyone finds sexy gal in white top and red skirt fuck her. Its PRE-PAID • Banta and his shapely date were parked under a romantic moon. Placing his hand on her thigh, he whispered, "I love you." With a deep sigh, the girl replied, "A little higher." "I love you," came the higher-pitched reply. • A naked woman gets into a taxi. A cab driver looks at her stupefied. What's up. Havn't you ever seen a naked woman? No. I'm just wondering where you suppose to take the money from. • Q: What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster? A: My zipper! • Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio. Santa's son: Papa tusi papa kis tarah baney? Santa: Puttar pa pa ke. • A blonde, suffering from sore throat, goes to see the doctor. He asks her to sit down. He gets out his torch and says, "Open wide." "I can't, the chair's fitted with arms." • If you feel stressed out, try to have SEX. It helps you to relax. Do you know how to have SEX? Let me teach you S = Sleep E = Eat X = Exercise! Dont think dirty • Director commands during shooting a porn film: LIGHTS CAMERA MUSIC ERECTION (ACTION) • An old man married a young girl. On their wedding night, he showed five fingers to his young wife. Young girl: " 5 times!?!" Old man: "No dear, choose which one do you prefer to start with?" • Mother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb." "No, mamma," she said, "He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month."

05-29-2008, 08:29 PM	#5
Bipolar Controlled Chaos Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Surrealism Posts: 5,782/4.03 Threads: 637 Friends Network Gold Member	Re: jokes of the day, please add yours... • A college professor in an art class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches, he noticed that one of the young ladies had sketched the man with an erection. The professor said, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She replied, "What other way???" • "In my case," said the student to the sex researcher, "when I get it part of the way in, my vision blurs. And when it's all the way in, I can't see a thing." "Now, that's an most interesting optical reaction," said the researcher. "It may well have anatomical as well as physiological basis. If you don't mind, young man, I'd like to have a look at it." So, the student shrugged and stuck out his tongue. • When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it," replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy." • As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer, "Have you just gotten out of prison?" "Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have anal sex?" "Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'Your turn'" • In interview, Santa was asked: Who's Monica Seles? A tennis player. Ok, who's Monica Lewinski? Penis player. • Q: Why does a blond need a triangle coffin? A: Because everytime their head hits a pillow, their legs spread. • Banta: Did you have a chance to sleep with my wife yet? Santa: What are you saying. I would never even think about such things. Banta: Well. You might want to. She is much better, then yours. • A man kills a deer & cooks it but doesn't tell kids what it is. He gives a clue: It's what mom calls me. Boy cries out: Don’t eat it. It's a fucking asshole. • Doctor: Do you watch your husband's face during sex? Preeto: I did once & saw anger. Doctor: Why Preeto: Because he was watching from the window. • A doctor saw a nurse with one of her boobs hanging out of dress. He questioned her, Nurse said, "Oh these medical students never keep things in place after use!" • Santa: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind? Wife: That you are a homosexual. • Q: What do you call it when a person with multiple personality disorder masturbates? A: An orgy. • Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right? A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed. • Unborn twins in the mother’s stomach saw a penis. 1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai. 2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante. • Remeber: If u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz FUCK stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever & promise me that we FUCK till eternity! • A botany student has brought to our attention the fact that Penis is the only thing that has to be grown before it is planted! • Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for successful penetration. Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches? Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury. • The young couple were holding hands in the Sunshine Gardens nudist camp. "When I tell you I love you," he asked, "why do you always lower your eyes?" "To see if it's true," she answered shyly. • Q: What is the definition of "burning love"? A: It's when at night you reach out for the Vaseline gel and pick up Vicks Vaporub by mistake. • Q: What is the height of shock? A: When you are having sex with a pregnant woman & suddenly a hand grabs your dick from inside! • A gal with his boyfriend opened her legs inviting him 2 fuck n asked: Hamare baby ka naam kya hoga? He wears a condom n says: Iske baad bhi hogaya to ‘Jadugar’. • Q: Why women wear bra & panty with flowers printed on them? A: To pay tribute to men who got burrid at these two places. • Santa standing in balcony without shirt. Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai. Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni bharjai di dekh. • I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts! • One woman stops a taxi- To the airport, please. After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says: You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today. Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant. Well, you haven’t arrived to the airport yet neither. • A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: Five percent said it was to get a glass of water. Twelve percent said it was to go to the bathroom. Eighty-three percent said it was to go home. • Jim says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Steve says, "Why's that?" Jim says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit." • Judge: You want to divorce your husband for threatening you with a deadly weapon? Wife: You got me wrong your honor. I'm divorcing him for threatening me with every night with a dead weapon. • If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get? Tit-Bits. And if it bursts in a man's underwear? Banana split. • Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? A: Magnets have a positive side! • Man: How Much? Prostitute: 25 dollars Man: American Express? Prostitute: For 25 Dollars you can go as fast as you want! • Q: What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A: A man’s undivided attention! • Q: Why do bald men have holes in their pockets? A: So they can run their fingers through their hair. • Q: Why do girls talk so much and guys think so much? A: Girls have two pairs of lips and guys have two heads! • Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn? A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs. • Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they can't make a fist!!! • Q: What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual? A: The way they say ahhhh-men. • One of my friend has named his 3 kids NC, MC and ABC! I asked why, he said: 1st Natural Curiosity, 2nd Mutual Consent & 3rd Absolute Bloody Carelessness. • Man pays Rs 1000 to a prostitute, but she runs away. He chases but fails. He puts a notice: If anyone finds sexy gal in white top and red skirt fuck her. Its PRE-PAID • Banta and his shapely date were parked under a romantic moon. Placing his hand on her thigh, he whispered, "I love you." With a deep sigh, the girl replied, "A little higher." "I love you," came the higher-pitched reply. • A naked woman gets into a taxi. A cab driver looks at her stupefied. What's up. Havn't you ever seen a naked woman? No. I'm just wondering where you suppose to take the money from. • Q: What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster? A: My zipper! • Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio. Santa's son: Papa tusi papa kis tarah baney? Santa: Puttar pa pa ke. • A blonde, suffering from sore throat, goes to see the doctor. He asks her to sit down. He gets out his torch and says, "Open wide." "I can't, the chair's fitted with arms." • If you feel stressed out, try to have SEX. It helps you to relax. Do you know how to have SEX? Let me teach you S = Sleep E = Eat X = Exercise! Dont think dirty • Director commands during shooting a porn film: LIGHTS CAMERA MUSIC ERECTION (ACTION) • An old man married a young girl. On their wedding night, he showed five fingers to his young wife. Young girl: " 5 times!?!" Old man: "No dear, choose which one do you prefer to start with?" • Mother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb." "No, mamma," she said, "He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month."
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