here are some jokes, do not feel like seperating them. came from a long email.
Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A.) Blow job: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob. Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A.) So men can be open minded. Q.) What's the speed limit of sex? A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around. Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck! Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego... A.) "Is it in?" Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A.) One of his fingers is clean. Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed. Litte Boy: Daddy, where did I come from? Daddy: You came from the stork Little Boy: Ewww, you fuc ked a stork? A delicate young man walked into an army recruiting office. After answering numerous questions, he was finally asked if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted that he was. Recruiter: Gay, huh? Do you think you could kill a man? "My, yes," the man giggled, "but it would take days & days" What do you do if you come across a girl in your bed? Apologise and wipe it off! Baniya gave matrimonial ad for his daughter, working at a call centre: Wanted a suitable match for Chandigarh's highest paid call girl Did you hear that Elton John is getting a divorce.......Found out his husband was having sex behind his back As Mike walked into the office on Monday morning, a co-worker asked, "How was your weekend?" "I played a round of golf... I hit two of my best balls," he replied. "Tell me about it," asked his co-worker. "Well, er, I stepped on a rake" A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, "Big breaths." The girl replies, "Yeth and I'm not even thixteen." What did the Hen say when Rooster tried to rape her? Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuckaaak Sant,a unable to satisfy his wife, took Bantas advice. While having sex, he asked her: Do u feel any change? Jeeto: Yes, today u r doing it like Banta Q: Why are babies so fragile? A: They are put together with one screw. Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. One day we should get her for this, said the first boy. I agree. We'll grab her... said the second. The third guy: And then we'll kick her in the nuts! Pastor: Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things? Johnnie: Sure, back of the church yard. Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex? Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does. Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it? Man: She does it for free. What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock. Two prostitutes were talking: We're in the best business in the world Why's that then? Well, we've got it, we sell it, and we've STILL got it! One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever been to bed with an ugly woman? The second guy says: No, but I've woken up with plenty A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area & asked for her profession. Prostitute: I'm a social engineer. Policeman: What do u do? Prostitute: I build & destroy erections Q: Whats the difference between a computer and a woman? A: A computer doesn't laugh at a 3½ inch floppy. A Kiwi farmer was counting his sheeps: "205, 206, 207, hello darling, 209, 210...." When a man of 60 marries a girl of 21, it's like buying a book for someone else to read The definition of an optimist is a woman who loads up the CD changer before making love. A French n a Brit gynecologists were chatting. French: Just last week there was this woman, her cliotris was like a melon. Brit: That's a lie, she wouldn't be able to walk if it was. French: You Brits always talk about size; I was talking about the taste. Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week. Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months. A female Press Reporter slaps Santa. Banta standing near asks Santa: Y did she slapped u? Santa: On her T-shirt was written 'Press', so I just pressed
Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy... A professor was asked to give a talk on Sex When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone just so. He said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..." And he sat back down. Did you hear about the blind man who was walking down the street and as he passed the fish market he tipped his hat and said, "Good evening ladies. Q: What does PMS stand for? A: Penis Must Suffer Dentist didnt get erection on wedding night so he used finger. Wife: What's this? Nothing honey, just a temporary filling. I've invented a fly spray that doesn't kill flies; it makes them so sexually active, you can swat two at a time. If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get? Tit-Bits. And if it bursts in a man's underwear? Banana split. Old chinese proverb says: Man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok. Doctor: Ur knees all blistered? Lady: Coz of doggy style! Doctor: Cant u do it any other style? Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't! Wife, stark naked, stands on her head in bed. Husband: What the hell are you doing? Wife: I figured if you can't get it up, you could surely drop it in. What's the diff between a bomb n a condom? In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases. Sometimes I call my husband 'Q'," the wife told her friend. Her friend asked: Why's that? Is he some kinda superguy like that man on Star Trek? No, he's a big fat zero with a little dick hangin' down. Two women were having lunch together and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman: I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job. The second woman: Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached! To which the first replies: Wow! I just can't picture your husband as a blonde! A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from 1-14, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused. "Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry." Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? A: Because she threw out all the bent ones. The Five Sizes of Penises: 1. Small, 2. Medium, 3. Large, 4. Oh My God!, and 5. Is that available in white? Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up and man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him and says: Pay you monthly, you bastard! Ladies Hostel Caught Fire... It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control...and 3 hours to bring the firemen under control. One car salesmen complained to the other, "Business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass." Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language. "That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car." Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes? A: Lifebuoy. Q: How do we know men invented maps? A: Who else would turn an inch into a mile! 3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking. Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing? One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED! Husband: I fancy kinky sex, how about I cum in your ear? Wife: No, I might go deaf! Husband: I have been cumin in ur mouth for 15 years & ur still fuckin talking. Little gypsy girl: Which way do my knickers go? Her Mom: How many fucking more times do I have to tell you yellow to the front & brown to the back! Tarzan and Jane came to New York and were being interviewed. A reporter said: Tarzan, what is your wife's name? Tarzan replied: Jane. The reporter then said: No, what is her whole name? Tarzan answered:
Pussy. Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives? DrinKING, LicKING, SucKING, F*cKING, W*nKING ! Women are like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you. A man meets a lady at a bar and says: Hi, what' ur name? She replies: Carman, coz I like cars & I like men, what's urs? Man replies: Beer cunt! Banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana turns 2 vibrator I don't know why you are fuckin shaking, she's goin 2 eat me!