SC/TGrandAm

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What the fuck over?



(BELLEVUE, OH) -- Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex.

The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

Police say Price admitted to the crimes -- four charges of public indecency. Usually these sorts of things are misdemeanors, but in this case, they are felonies.

"What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor," Johnson explains.

The Price family did not want to talk with us, but neighbors did. Some are not happy Price was released on his own recognizance.

"He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again -- and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance," says Brice Jacobs, a neighbor.

Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids.

"Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.

This case has police in this small town shaking their heads. "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around," Johnson says.

fmb

Brings new meaning to the question, "Got wood"? Dang. This is a new one for me!

licupssy

Picnic table gives birth to snack tray?????????

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I solemnly swear that I am up to no good! ~~~SWTWC

BackdoorJesus

I think I read about this quite a while back actually...but fuck! Dudeman has some serious issues

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Juan.©amaney

Meh, if you fuck a chick that's fat enough, it's kinda like doing a leather couch.

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fmb

juan: the leather couch doesn't give splinters. Anyone know what his reasoning behind this deal was??

i'm rich biatch

At least the fire department didn't have to be called in because he got it stuck. I remember years ago in the news, some dude got his d1ck stuck in a jacuzzi nozzle and the fire department had to be called to rescue him.

fmb

I never received a call like that. I removed a puppy's head from the hub hole of a small boat trailer wheel and a cats head (I hate cats) from under the toe piece of some kitchen cabinets. Both removal required lots of lubricant; the EMS/FF lubricant of choice is KY.

Fortunately, I was an officer for most of my FF career. Of course, as the team leader, I'd order the rookie to apply the KY in this case.

maggiesdragons

no one said the table was made of wood, my mom has a table as described, and its glass and metal. but that still doesn't make it right. I wonder what his wife looks like?

YaMon

Dude's like the motherfucking MacGyver of sex.

Felony my ass! They should give this guy an award for ingenuity!

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jShizz

Good chance she looks like this?

Draggon

I know where that guy is...
At least something would fuck him...

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jShizz

try harder

brunette5

I saw this awhile back. Wonder if he got any splinters. Friggin' wackos!