Mugen

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Hey Everyone. Here's the deal. I've got these really intense feelings for one of my best friends, she's a girl, about my age, 22, we've been friends for about 4 years and we really connect, most people infact think that were boyfriend and girlfriend, but there is a problem...She has being dating this guy for like 2 years, and even though she's been with him for 2 years, she says that its not serious. Might i also mention that this is her first boyfriend, she started kinda late in my opinion. Okay my problem is that my feelings are killing me every day. I mean i feel so terrible, coz i see her everyday but i can't "be" with her, and i know she's got feelings for me because the signals are there, but now and then she gives me mix signals, sometimes she's hot, sometimes she's cold. Her boyfriend is the Polar opposite of me, he doesn't connect with her at any level, and i really don't see what she sees in him, i mean when they are together, from what i've witnessed they don't even communicate. I made a conclusion that she, in the past had a self-esteem problem and that's why she started dating him and the reason i didn't make my move in the past is because i had somebody very close to me pass away. So now i'm tired of not being with her, i wanna be with her, now how do i win her over and prove to her that she's wasting her time with her pansy boyfriend.

Help Needed Please

agc

Here's a thread from WR that might help out, if you haven't read it yet. In that thread, check the link to "The Ladder Theory", that someone posted, really good stuff, and you will see parallels with your situation. Good luck.

http://forums.webrats.com/showthread.php?t=105797

Wilken

Agreed - it was probably me that posted the link. PM sent.

agc

it was you that posted it, Wilken. Great find. The Ladder Theory, amazingly accurate after you've read it a few times and think back on your own experiences. Highly recommended.

Doonz

Dude....I didnt read the link....but

been there and done that... I was in love with my best friend and everytime she became single I was thinking this was it, we connected! We were on the phone 24/7 if we werent together... for the longest time

A. She is not intrested because you are avalible and at her call.... your safe and she knows what she has with you... trust me girls pick up on that stuff....so shell hang with the boyfriend"s" and know she has her rock to bitch to about everyone else...

B. By wating for her you could be passing up on the true best thing to happen to you... your true love

C. Absense makes the heart grow fonder

now she is married and the last few time I talked to her she was not happy, we havent talked in a while.... doesnt answer emails and change her cell ( man I sound like a stalker but we were friends...I now have a loving wife who makes me feel 100000000000 times better and a little baby boy who is amazing... life works that way sometimes...

good luck and what ever you do it for you....

Mugen

Thanks man - i know what you mean...I'm basically like a safety barrier. But i've tried getting into relationships, went out with a couple of girls and i find they are physically apealling, i can communicate with them etc but the thing is, these girls aren't her, and everytime i'm with other girls i always think about her. I think my problem is that i've had feelings for her for to long. But you're right, if i dwell on her then i risk the chance of passing up better relationships etc.

Any other Advice?

BadEgg

tell her.

Lucky13

Yeah, maybe she has him around to get you jealous. Just ask her out or something. May as well.

kulotsalot

You're probably obssessed with the idea of what it would be like to be in a relationship with her. Note that this is just your imagination (i.e. everything is perfect) and not reality. You've been thinking about this for sooooo long, of course you put her on a pedestal and think she's really really awesome and it would be just perfect if you could get her to date you. All people, even the most awesome ones out there, have their not-so-great traits. You probably don't think about those when you daydream about her. Fighting about money, sex, how to squeeze a toothpaste tube, etc... in short it won't be perfect. So stop thinking that it will be. If she decides to leave her guy and be with you, then so be it. But you're definitely setting yourself up for disappointment the way you idolize her.

CD

wow... I think the canadian girl has a point. I was going to say something else, but after reading this, there is nothing I can say. The Kulots has probably won with a harsh, yet accurate reply.

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Mugen

Holy Crap - You're absolutely Right. Guess it's time to move on

skept

and rep to kulots.

If she cared about you the way that she says she does then she would have no problem saying yes. Lay it out to her in clear terms - if she still says no then just leave.

clamsrus

Sounds to me like she's hedging her bets...ask her whether your feelings are reciprocated...you'll know if she's stringing you along by the short and curlies by her reply.
The answer is always pretty simple......yes or no...and no buts!

You can pour your energy and hopes down a great black hole when you could be getting on with life. Kulots is on the money...although the heart is a strange thing...all your rationality may tell you that the deal is a no goer...but does that make any difference to how you feel....Naaaagh!

Mugen

Guess not Clamsrus...Feelings are Feelings and will probably remain dormant...