ims0punk

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Alright, so I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half as of Saturday. I'm 16, he's 20 (no comments, please).

This past month, he said he's wanted space. I was being, "too clingy and suffocating". But the way he went about it made me feel as if I was expendable. Threatening to break up with me and not come back, blowing me off, calling me things I never would have imagined. So, I went to my hometown (Brooklyn) and put 80 miles between us. I mean, how much more space could he get?

So while I was down there the first night (gone for two days), he called and said he missed me. I didn't see him the night I came back, but the day afterward he wanted to hang out. I guess the trip really liberated me from him, because I was acting the way he wanted me to. Which led him to ask me if I cheated on him.

Now, this week, I feel kind of smothered. I don't know how I want to view how he treated me. Whether I should look at it as a learning experience, or a prediction of what my future with him may be like. I really just don't know what to do, and I'm viewing all outside opinions to help myself think it through. He says he's scared of losing me, but just a few weeks ago, he was treating me like I was expendable.

Cliffs: Boyfriend wanted space, treated me like shit, now I don't know how to look at it (learning experience or prediction of future to come).

OrdinaryGirl

Well, he called you names, went about the breakup all wrong, treated you in a way that was disrespectful...and then when you pulled back, like he wanted, accused you of cheating. Hmmm. Doesn't sound too good to me. If you want to carry on the relationship, you need to sit down and have an honest chat about those things. You have to put your foot down and let him know you will not tolerate being treated like that. Once is forgivable, twice is on the way to being a habit.

Talk, talk, talk. No matter what you decide. Communication is the key to pretty much everything.

And honey, you are very young. There are lots of guys out there. Don't settle for one who can't treat you right.

ims0punk

I knew someone would mention being young. Damn age thing.. Haha.

Well, I've been talking to him about it. I told him I really don't know how I should look at it, and that maybe I need space. I've seen him since and he's told me that he's scared of losing me and that he didn't realize how much it would hurt me, the things that he said to me.

Being that this is the first time that something like this has happened, I'm really looking into how I should look at it, though. Like.. whether I should be on edge with him now, or leave him, or just tell him that I won't tolerate that again.

OrdinaryGirl

Well....there is nothing that says that if you give him a second chance, that you can't change your mind if it doesn't go well.

It sounds to me like he's treating you like a yoyo....you get close, he pushes you away..you put the distance, he pulls you back. Somebody needs to make up his mind.

And looking back at me when I was 16 and my first real boyfriend...as much as I was a very mature girl....I know tons more now than I did then. I'm sure you are older than your age in maturity and intelligence, but experience-wise, you truly are young.

Just be true to yourself. If you want to try again, do but give yourself the permission to leave when you need to. If you want space, and he truly loves you, he will understand and give you that, just like you were willing to do for him. If you are worried that if you take the time and space, that he will not let you come back if you realize you've made a mistake, then he doesn't care very deeply for you. Trust your heart and your instincts.

tonight

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I'm a guy so hopefully I can help somewhat in you understanding.

This kind of thing happened to me once. I wanted more room, she wanted less. Then she wanted room, I wanted less. We broke up after the second part.

Try to be as selfish as possible as you ask yourself this question. Can I forgive her/him and trust her/him after what he/her did?

Forgiveness comes with time but trust is more of an "if its gone, its gone" thing.

Here's one more thing, if I called you certain things during a heated and emotional argument, I probably didnt mean them.

But, If I just methodically listed your faults out to you in a conversation using a rather cold and steady voice then I probably meant them but after the seperation, I had second thoughts.

If he said those things in a regular manner, you're better off losing the guy.

Waldo

humm he is insecure, I am betting you are a very pretty girl.
try to make him feel secure again and dont give him a reason to not trust you. be on your best toes for a month. after the month is over start trying to get back to your routine.

now the next question is, have you cheated on him??


this may sound horrible but if you want to keep your man nothing makes him feel secure like the daily bj

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both my car and my bike can ride on the rear wheel[s]
"Remember one thing, no matter how pretty she is, someone, somewhere, is tired of HER SHIT"

PH03NIX

Doesnt sound all that great of a situation to me...He wanted space... Dont get stuck in a bad relationship, and remember to communicate, tell him how you feel about the situation, when everything comes out, answers will follow

porkweasel

I think it's going to be a bad situation. Never mind the fact you're still in high school and he's 20 (which is sketchy in my book on his part). He sounds like he wants to put you in a situation where he can control your emotions and make you feel less of yourself. In doing so he can almost command you at will. It's good though that you're able to see through that. He's more scared of losing a 16 year old girlfriend than you as a person that he loves. That would me my "honest" take.

ims0punk

No, I never cheated on him. It's not really about him feeling better.. It's more about me feeling better and knowing how I want to look at the situation. I think "tonight"'s post gave me a better understanding coming from a guy's perspective. Thanks, guys.

niners

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dump him

spaceniggah

I dont think hes wery normal. he shouldnt treat you bad if he really liked you. And the times when he treats you good is when it fits him. I dont think he cares much for you. dont think it will last long even if you decide to continue the relationship

ningster

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sounds like he will be an abusive bf/husband in the future.
if i were you, i'd cut him loose and move on... you seem like a smart girl with a cool head on your shoulders, not the psycho crazy type....

Juan.©amaney

Guy thought he has you wrapped around his little finger and could treat you like shit. Guy saw that you arent as attached to him as he thought you were and that you have the guts to get up and leave him. Guy feels his "property" is in danger. Guy is trying to make sure you never leave again. Which could be either a good thing or a bad thing. IMHO, shits gonna get real bumpy real fast.

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jace319

Sounds to me like he wants an excuse to break up...accusing you of cheating. By doing so, its not his fault for breaking up the relationship...it's your "infedelity". Dump him.

And I know you said don't say anything about age but...
I follow the 1/2 + 7 rule.
Take half your age and add 7. Thats the youngest person you can date. So for him, I think it would be OK for him to date a 17 year old.