madripor

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My girlfriend and I have been together almost a yr now. Been really great with your typical on off fights etc.
But when we fight there bad, and i end up hurting her emotionally by something i say or whatnot.
After we make up everything is good again. This has been on and off throughout the year

Well tonight she is on the verge of breaking up with me, and i dont want to lose her cause i love her. She said if we even stay together we are starting all over, so it would be like the first time we met, and started dating. (which will be totally weird)
This is the girl who thought i would be marring her and vice-versa.

This whole instance is because i have issues being honest with her. And its nothing like cheating or anything like that, but just plain being honest with her, with my feelings and being open. its like (shes giving 90% im giving 10% kinda thing)

I told her tonight since i was being honest that it was easier for me to make stuff up (lie) then it ws to tell the truth.
So now she has no faith, or trust in me anymore.

This i have finally come to realize is why my previous girlfriends have left me.

I need advice on how to open up and be honest with her, becuase it sounds weird but im not good at it, and have the hardest time doing it, and just talking about myself. I really dont want to lose her, or have her walk away, im willing to do just about anything.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Jabooty_3

Unless you can do a turnaround and completely honest now, I don't see how you two will be together much longer.

Just make a conscious effort to avoid lies.

skept

If you guys are bickering and making up for most of the year instead of enjoying each other during that year then is it really worth it to stay? Surely there is a point where the bickering is just excessive and your better off without each other.



Love? or Lust? Are you sure that your attraction to this girl hasn't blinded you from what is truely infront of your eyes. If it was true love and you guys were meant to be together would you not work through the currently domestic issues instead of trying to whipe the slate clean. I believe that there must be deeper issues at stake here then the ones that you are telling us.



There is one thing to be open and honest and there is another thing to have your emotions reserved to yourself. If she cannot respect the decision that you don't willing share every deepest and intimate thought that you have - but you still stay faithful to her then that is her problem not yours.

I can relate to this and people call me wierd for it. I will say very little about myself as I don't trust very many people. If you need to know something you ask me a question and I'll truthfully answer it. Perhaps you need to make it clear that you are ok with her asking you questions and that you will answer them.



If you are planning on marrying this girl you would not tell her that it is easier for you to lie to her then it is to tell the truth. You just openly admitted to have lied to her and how can she say that everything you have told her to date is the truth if you just told her that you can lie like its nothing.



Well obviously if you lie shit pretty quickly doesn't add up. Remember we are dealing with women here who have the tendancy to deeply absorb everything we have said to them and they actually think about it. In normal cases women will read into every lil thing being said... However when shit don't start to add up... we'll son you yourself just said the outcome of that.



The saying is 'The truth shall set you free'. But you really must see how seriously invovled you are with this girl. To tell her every single intimate detail of your life whilst you guys are dating is just absurd and should never be done. However honestly you must stop lying if you want to even think about this girl as a potential partner. Be flat out and honest and tell her that you would rather not talk about it then make up some bullshit story...

If your going out drinkin with the boys tell her your going out drinkin with the boys if she can't accept that or gets angry and upset (obviously if you go out when its a special occasion or if you spend more time with the boys then with her then there is a reason for her to get upset) then you must really consider does she love you or is she just trying to dictate what you do in your day to day life.

Sometimes brutal honesty will hurt less then a lie as in the end you know that you can still trust that person if you hear the same story about them from another person. The thing is to be a man and to say it rather then whimp out and take the easier option and lie.

In the end its up to you mate to right the wrong. If you truely like her and care for her and you plan on marrying her - do the right thing and tell the truth. Otherwise its time to move on mate.

kulotsalot

Give us examples of things you have lied about.

madripor

Its not a full all yr thing, its jsut a typical relationship with arguments, but some are over really stupid things then there are the ones like last night where it is way serious. Sorry should have been more clear about that.





Thats what i was thinking, i dont really understand why we need to start over, if that is even possible. I mean come on ive been with her for a yr, so we know eachother and have obviousally seen/done things, so its not like i can just go, oh hi, ive never met you before let me tell ya about myself.




I agree with you on both of these, i dont like talkign about myself, its not my personality, and she knows if she wants to know something she just needs to ask the questions and i'll tell her. But this is also where a problem lies becuase she has told me she is tired of asking questions, i should just be able to tell her.



yeah ive thought how i fucked up majorly here, believe me i did




Well she knows alot about me cause we were friends before we were dating, and so as for intimate detail of my life is no big deal, she knows most of it, and im willing to tell her if she asks. But other than that she doesnt care to know about that kinda stuff.



Nothing like this either, we spend most of our time together, we are very content being alone and not having a lot of (yes i'll say what ive become) fake people around. She hates fake people and thast one reason im where i am now, cuase i wasnt truly honest with her



Thanks for the response and your input on the situation

madripor

Um..

Well this whole issue started on fri night, where we were just hanging out and relaxing.
I grabbed her butt, and then made the mistake of sarcastically saying "we need to tone this up."

She proceded to ask me why a few times, and i told her i didnt mean anything by it, i love it how it is, wouldnt mind going to the gym and tighting it up some. After she kept asking what i ment by it, cause she didnt believe me, i just blurted out becuase it looks like you've put on a lb or 2.

I dont think before i say things.

Well i just burned myself i know, so she was sad, and hurt by that. Sat and last night i kept trying to tell her i dont think she put weight on etc, etc. And last night she just blew up on me, cause she wanted to know which one was the truth, and i told her i dont think she has put weight on is the truth, and she was pissed at me for lying and making her sad for 2 days straight.

Thats just the most recent example, none of the others are like this bad.

The others i just would not tell her things and keep my mouth shut instead of saying anything to avoid me being stupid like So