Justin

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Taken from - http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/har.php

This conversation is real. It took place over AOL Instant Messenger. Only the names have been changed to protect starcrftmaniac and PunkgirlAngl, I mean, the innocent.


Girl: Hi

Boy: hello

Boy: who is this?

Girl: just a someone?

Boy: A someone I know?

Girl: nope

Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?

Girl: well sorrrrrry

Girl: I just wanted to chat with you

Boy: why?

Girl: nevermind your an asshole

Boy: Hey wait a minute

Girl: yes?

Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid

Girl: paranoid?

Boy: yes

Girl: of what?

Girl: me?

Boy: No. I'm in hiding.

Girl: LOL

Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!

Boy: This shit is serious!

Girl: What are you hiding from?

Boy: The cops.

Girl: gimme a fucking break

Boy: I'm serious.

Girl: I don't get it

Boy: The cops are after me.

Girl: For what?

Boy: I'm wanted in three states

Girl: For???

Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.

Boy: I had sex with a turkey.

Boy: Hello?

Girl: You are fucking sick.

Boy: Send me your picture.

Girl: why?

Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.

Girl: One of what?

Boy: The cops.

Girl: I'm not a cop i told you

Boy: Then send me your picture.

Girl: hold on

Boy: Hurry up.

Boy: Are you there?

Boy: fuck you, cop!

Girl: Hey sorry

Girl: I had to do something for my mom.

Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.

Boy: Weren't you!?

Girl: thats not it

Boy: Then what?

Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty

Boy: Most cops aren't

Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!

Boy: Then send me the picture.

Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?

Boy: Just send it through here.

Girl: alright *PIC*

Girl: Did you get it?

Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.

Girl: That was me back in may

Girl: I've lost weight since then.

Boy: I hope so

Girl: what?!?

Girl: that hurt my feelings.

Boy: Did it?

Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

Girl: yes

Boy: Alright let me find it.

Girl: kks

Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*

Girl: this isn't you.

Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!

Girl: You don't look like that.

Boy: How the hell do you know?

Girl: cause your profile has another picture.

Boy: The profile pic is a fake.

Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.

Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.

Girl: Go fuck yourself

Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture

Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.

Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.

Girl: you hurt me.

Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!

Boy: Why would I do that?

Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you

Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

Girl: FUC YOU!!!

Boy: You'd break both of his legs.

Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.

Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.

Girl: No you aren't

Boy: You're right. I'm not.

Boy: HAARRRRR!

Girl: I'm done with you

Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.

Girl: I'm putting you on ignore

Boy: Wait a sec

Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.

Boy: Wanna start over?

Girl: No

Boy: I'll eat your pussy

Girl: You'll what?

Boy: You heard me.

Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.

Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?

Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Boy: Well I'm not like most men.

Boy: I get excited in different ways.

Girl: Like what?

Boy: Do you really wanna know?

Girl: I don't know

Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.

Girl: I'm afraid to

Boy: Why?

Girl: cause

Boy: cause why?

Girl: well lets see

Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?

Boy: Nope

Girl: well its strange to me

Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

Girl: I didn't say that

Boy: So is that a yes?

Girl: I guess so.

Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Boy: Are you willing?

Girl: What do you need me to do?

Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.

Girl: ???

Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

Boy: ok?

Boy: Hello?

Girl: You can't be serious

Boy: Oh yes I am!

Boy: It's my fantasy.

Girl: this is retarded

Boy: Do you want it or not?

Girl: Yes I want it.

Boy: Then you'll do it for me?

Girl: sure

Boy: Ok. Here we go.

Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.

Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.

Girl: mmmm yeah

Boy: uh oh ...going limp.

Girl: Har

Boy: You gotta do better than that!

Boy: Your picture was really bad.

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.

Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

Girl: mmmmmm you are good

Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder

Boy: going limp

Girl: HARRRRRRR

Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.

Boy: going limp

Girl: this is stupid

Boy: ...still limp

Boy: Do it!

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.

Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.

Girl: WTF?!?!?

Boy: They stink really bad.

Girl: OMG STOP!!!

Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Boy: I ram it up your ass.

Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!

Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...

Boy: I kick you in the face!

Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!

Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Boy: Your parrot flys away.

Boy: ...going limp again.

Boy: Hello?

Boy: Say it!

Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Dingle

.. shit nuggets...

treydogg526tx

Oh my god, that was SOOOOO fucking funny.... AAARRRHRHHHHH!!!!

robul

HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

jacktripper

Holy shit, fangerbanger, you DO know funny!

that was great.

Joe

peptofunk

yes, i too enjoyed that...

kudos to you.

jacktripper

just out of drunken curiosity, fangerbanger. Exactly how far to your Kevin Smith roots go?

Freaky Kiki

stupid but funny

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"And thats the son of a bitch that ran over my frog!"