WR - Dealing with Cheating / Work?

06-14-2005, 03:50 PM

#31

EyeminmyPrime

Join Date: Jul 2003

Location: Cali

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Re: Dealing with Cheating / Work?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juan.©amaney

Dude, her friends aren't going to tell you the truth, EVER.

You have no idea how much the married women I messed around with's friends would cover for them.

I read her emails to her friends when she told them what happened. It wasn't something her friends told me,I'm dumb, but not that dumb. lol I know how the "guy code" works and am sure the womens is probobly even stricter! lol

Quote:

Having an 11 year old son, having 8 years married...it doesn't mean shit. She brought another man into her life because her current life didn't satisfy her. She never saw the world, she never felt another man or not enough of them to feel satisfied. Sorry dude, but this is reality.

Why invest 2-infinty years trying to fix something that she can never get back? You will go nutz trying, she will not try as hard as you will.

Wow, those are real words that I won't take lightly, like i said in an earlier response, I am a fighter by nature and we made it through 10 years that we were able to make some incredible memories in so I am not quite ready to give up yet, hopefully she will be willing to make the same kind of concessions I did after I did my dirt to her. But I may just have to throw the towel in if I don't see the effort on her part.

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06-14-2005, 03:54 PM

#32

EyeminmyPrime

Join Date: Jul 2003

Location: Cali

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Re: Dealing with Cheating / Work?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sam3722

I don't believe that the marital relationship should be so callously abandoned.

Eye...:
1. Treat her like a queen. Date her again (remember all the things you did for her BEFORE you married her?).
2. Set some expectations (for both of you).
3. Marital counseling is a must, but both of you need it.
4. When you say "going out with friends", what do you mean? Going shopping, visiting at each others' houses, bar-hopping, swinging, what? We all need time involved in our interests; however, her interests cannot include activities detrimental to the marital relationship. IMHO, hanging out in bars without the spouse is a BIG problem.

1. I am doing that, she seems to be receptive so far.
2. I found a worksheet at a Marriage Counseling website that we have both agreed to fil out, it deals with expectations and wants/needs.
3. We are trying to find one right now.
4. Well, she has never really went out to bars/clubs wih her friends and she has been lately (up until I confirmed she was cheating, she hasn't been out since) but she seems to enjoy and ideally would like to but she appears to be changing her stance on that, time will tell.

Thanks for the advice!

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06-14-2005, 03:59 PM

#33

EyeminmyPrime

Join Date: Jul 2003

Location: Cali

Posts: 212/0.11

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Re: Dealing with Cheating / Work?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juan.©amaney

Statistics don't lie. If he wants to try to save his marriage, he is free to do so. But the fact that he still doesn't trust her, she wont quit her job as a sign of good faith, she still goes out to bars with the younger friends and he feels she is still lying with the whole he is moving out of state suggests that she just doesn't want to do anything to try to save it.

Well, I should have made it clearer that she isn't going out anymore and hasn't since this all happened almost two months ago now I think. I think there may still be some desire to do so, but she appears to be willing to give us an honest shot.

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06-14-2005, 04:01 PM

#34

EyeminmyPrime

Join Date: Jul 2003

Location: Cali

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Re: Dealing with Cheating / Work?

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyros121

All i can say is hang on in there. If you love someone this much that you want to stay with them after something like the above. then stop being jealous etc and trust. if you feel that you're trust is being broken then you have to face facts - Don't drag your child through a nightmare home environment. Its not fair on you or your family.

Especially you!

I'll leave you with this:

Every human on this planet is only ever going to do what makes them feel happy, we're a selfish race.

Thanks for the words and advice...Amazingly we have created and maintained a pretty stress free envioronment for our kid dspite all this, he never has seen anything, which also worries me that if we wer to seperate he would be compltely shocked and wonder where the hell it all came from. How do you explain someting this complex to an 11 year old?!! yikes.

Great quote too! Thanks!

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06-14-2005, 04:05 PM

#35

EyeminmyPrime

Join Date: Jul 2003

Location: Cali

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Re: Dealing with Cheating / Work?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClemsonDevil

If you want a good solution, you have to know the problem. Find out what she is thinking/wanting, cause I can only speculate.
My advice: Tell her that you feel that the 2 of you are growing apart, and that since you love her, you hope that is not the case. But if it is that you will do whatever you have to do to make it work. Those words should make anyone open up. She can either tell you everything is fine (fine in womentalk means not fine), or she can open up her heart. You may not like what you hear, you may find out a few things you can do to improve your situation, but no matter what, you WILL have a better understanding of what's going on in your relationship.
Take that knowledge and run with it. Cause "knowing is half the battle"!!

Thanks, I feel like we are being more open now and letting things out before they boil over, so I think we are headed in the right direction it just really hard to get images out of my head? That seems to be the hardest part.

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