Mule_Hammer

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I used to believe you had no control over it. I realized that I was simply giving in to the bliss and allowing myself to love someone and actively prevented myself from becoming attached to a girl I met a few months ago.

Discuss.

Anibal

i dont think it is a choice. i met my current gf in a party when i was dating another girl... i saw her again like 2 months later... i was single, she was single, so one thing let to the other and here we are almost a year later. I love her even though i never planned on falling in love ... i thought that i had to sleep with all the chics i could while i was in law school, my plan was terminated by her... and i couldnt be more happy about it. If love where a choice you would see a lot of perfect couples... its not so u see how a lot of marriages and relationships wich have tons of troubles stay together and work things out because they love each other. I think that if they could choose not to love each other they could save a lot of trouble. Many relationships dont work even though they love each other.
I dont think love is a choice... at least not for me, if it where a choice for me i wouldnt have a gf right now...

duckykiss

I believe you can "let" yourself fall in love with someone. But this is more contrived and difficult than the actual thing.

I "let" myself fall for someone one time. At first, we were awesome... He was perfect, I was perfect, we're so in LoOOove it makes everyone sick... He said we must be "meant to be" since "no one ever made him feel that way" and so forth. So I was like, "Sure, Why Not? Don't wanna fuck with nature, right? Even though we're actually in a relationship now, and he's NOT perfect anymore... And I am just doing things wronger and wronger every day... We still HAVE to be in love, we ALREADY SAID we were meant to be!!!!" I never had that gut-stick feeling where I was like "WHOA, DUDE! I'm in love." It was more "ok, yeah, so I guess this is it, huh?"

It was forced. I let myself fall for him, and then made myself stay there. It sucked.

I also believe you can actually fall in love and not be able to help yourself.

So here's the OTHER falling-in-love. The kind I have absolutely no control over, the kind where there's a genuine mutual attraction. We saw each other, and that was it. Started talking, each had the tingles and fireworks going off in the head. Thought for sure the other didn't notice, surely I'm not good enough and so forth. Then there was the complications, now isn't a good time, bad idea, blah blah, we Really Shouldn't (But we finally figured out how stupid we were for each other, and we've been gaga ever since.)...

This time, I weighed the past with the present and went "HEY! I really like him! Oh, snap, I LOVE the bastard!" It just sort of hit me one day, I was acutely aware that there was nothing I could do about it. He goes to work and I die of boredom until he's off. He can't wait that long, so he calls me to come up there and see him "just for a minute." I've been to see him at work 4 times today. And I'm about to go up there again in a few.



Anyways, ideally, I don't think you can choose NOT to love... I think you can choose to Force Yourself To Love. Or you can Let Yourself Fall in Love... But when the real deal strikes, you can't control it.

Mule_Hammer

Interesting.

Over the last 4 years, I've certainly learned the difference between platonic love, true love and lust, whereas before I just lumped it all together. Distinguishing the three has certainly made things much easier for me to understand. I agree that there is a subconscious development when you truly fall for someone. It's not something that you directly choose to do. However, I've become accustomed to consciously avoiding a certain person in an effort to prevent the feelings (well, "condition" is more accurate) from developing further. Slowly, they faded.

My question, essentially, is this:

Although I didn't choose to begin falling for her, I did choose to stop it, so do I have a choice or not?

Dr. Weezil

Love is, attraction isn't; two vastly different concepts.

fullobull

no choice
you'll know this when it hits you. i've been with my wife for 9 years now and we do EVERYTHING together. we still call each other a couple times throughout the day. 8 hours is too long to be apart.