bakaduin

Hey Raizzen I apologize if it sounded like I was trying to say you were wrong. My post wasn't directed at you and if it came off that way I'm really sorry. I wasn't trying to belittle your opinion as I think this is a tough subject and every opinion should be viewed. Again sorry if I offended you.

bakaduin

Your definitly right about the correlation between younger marriages and more divorce. In todays day and age lots of people who get married you end up in divorce. But I disagree with you when you say that nobody at the age of 20 has enough experience to be ready for marriage. Look at your grandparents generation. Sixty to seventy years ago it was normal for people to get married around 19-21. At the same time divorce rates were very low. As the years have passed the age at which people get married has increased as has the divorce rates. So someone can definitly get married around there early 20s and still have a successful marriage. Afterall thats how it used to be.

There is another interesting statistical correlation to note in marriage. Alot of research has been done to see what exactly makes a successful marriage. Different factors were tested and one common denominator in a large majority of successful marriage was that the couple practiced religion together. Now when I say this I'm not trying to say one religion is better then another or anything of that sort. The study showed that any religion, as long as the couple believed in the same one, helped build a strong marriage. Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Atheism, it didnt matter.

Marriage is about building a strong bond with someone and if you feel like you have that strong bond you may want to consider getting married. But Raizzen is right. If your doing it just because your parents want you to or because you you feel bad that the kid has no dad, its not the right idea.

kpeeze

I think this is a very insightful and thoughtful post, so I will try to do the same in return. It is very true that our grandparents generation got married younger, but I think that it is not completely correct to infer that that generation was at least as successful at marriage as other generations, nor do I think it is completely correct to suggest that there is a correlation between todays older marriages and higher divorce rates. Rather, I think the younger generations are more openminded about divorce - they are more inclined to end a failed marriage than continue in a failed marriage.

Many of the older generations' marriages are not successful, but because these people have such an aversion to divorce, they have stayed in these failed marriages.

I don't mean to speak down to you, but I don't think anyone your age is experienced enough for marriage, this generation, our grandparents' generation, or later generations. Just as I'm sure you look back on yourself at 16 as not experienced enough to decide to marry, so do I think you will feel at 25 of yourself now. This is not to say that your marriage will not be successful, I certainly hope it is, but I'm just saying that I don't think anyone aged around 20 should be getting married.

I don't think there is a brightline of when is an appropriate age, but I don't think anytime before 25, should someone get engaged. This said, good luck, I sincerely wish you the best.

duckykiss

Very well said.

And yes, it's oh so true.

Anibal

non taken, its all good dude. It would be weird and wrong if we all adviced him the same thing.

bakaduin

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I certainly think this is the exact reason for the increase in divorce rates. But I think the spin on it is different. I dont think that they are more inclined to end a failed married. I think they are more inclined to quit then work out a marriage. Quitting is easier then working things out and as a whole our current generation of Americans is the laziest in history and has the most aversion to effort. This is obvious in the obesity epidemic thats sweeping the U.S., though that is physical effort compared to the emotional effort of marriage. Living with someone for 50 some odd years takes ALOT of work. There are going to be times when your angry and there are going to be times when you want to just throw it all away but you have to keep working at it. I think most younger people, especially ones who get married in there 20's, are more likely to just say "fuck it" and rather get a divorce when in alot of situations some work and compromise are required to keep the marriage alive.

kpeeze

I agree that with the stigma of divorce diminishing, SOME people do quit, now who otherwise would have worked things out. But I think that is only a small part of the story, not the majority. There are a number of older couples I know who are married but hate each other. They are never going to work things out, but will not get divorced because they don't believe in it. If a marriage is a failure, sometimes a divorce is appropriate. I'm not saying that people should be quick to get them as opposed to working things out, but it is sad that people would stay in a failed relationship just because of some stupid institution that they hold in higher regard than other relationships that may be affected by their stubborness. The other factor, is that with the greater acceptance of divorce, I think people enter marriages with greater casualness, when things don't work out (because they never were going to work out) the couple get divorced.

Sure some people now are more casual about marriage and divorce and too lazy to work things out. But I think the greater culprit to the increasing divorce rates is the fact that older couples who otherwise would divorce each other, stay in a failed relationship of misery, whereas younger people are more inclined to end a failed relationship with no chance of saving it.

Lazer

to me marriage is just a contract.. It doesn't mean you love anyone any less if you are not engaged/married. I am not religeous, And also I do not want to enter a contract in which the courts automaticly favor the other half. The divorce rate is high today. Things change in a heartbeat in todays world. As opposed to 20 years ago.

kulotsalot

I am on a women's support group type of message board and everyday I see a ton of new threads by different people beating on the same tired topics - my husband/wife is an alcoholic, porn addict, cheated on me, wants a threesome, wants us to participate in swingers groups, ignores me, does not want sex, is very controlling, yadda yadda yadda. And it is very very sad to realize that for every thread that I open up thinking "surely we can give this person good advice on how to fix his/her relationship", I always end up thinking of the same ole solution in my head - counseling, separation, divorce. I could be telling 5 people to divorce their SO's every single day, and the saddest part is when you read their stories, you really can't tell them to stick it out/work it out because you know in your heart that if it were your son/daughter/brother/sister in the same situation, you would tell them to GTFO as fast as they can. How many more people in the world are going through the same things every single day but are not posting on that message board? There must be hundreds upon hundreds of married couples going through that kind of turmoil. I think if people took the time to get to know each other before they jump into that sort of commitment, AND if people invested as much time and effort into their relationship with their SO as they do with their kids/jobs/pets/volunteer orgs/friends/hobbies/etc. a lot of these divorces could have been stopped.

Anibal

ergo dont rush things, time is what we have. U can be there for the kid and BE a father figure without marriage.