asdasd123

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hey

just looking for some advise. here is a little background.
i have never really had a serious long term relationship - longest was a few months but that one was messed up because we had to hide it. at school i had many chances but passed on almost all of them, i have been always looking for something else, something better, more special...i dont know, so I mostly had no strings attached one night stands, especially over breaks.
Right now I am in Europe until the summer. It has been the same as usual for for the last 1.5 months until the last girl. She is beautiful and too sweet. I think I am falling for her. I am afraid to admit it just because of who I am, of how long I have been this way and how everyone else is used to percieving me that it will be strange all of a sudden to break my image, my shell.
In any case, we are all over each other almost every other night, especially the weekends but at the university she is as cold as ice. Every time she speaks I want to kiss her, I never really get a chance to talk/be with her because of the tight schedule and her friends are always around her. It has been like this for two weeks. I want something else, at least a talk, but not sure what to do. I have been wondering if I should approach her and ask what she feels, where this is going if anywhere, why is it so akward during the day. My friends tell me to just let it go and see what happens. They say that U.S. girls are like that (she is french-italian but lives in U.S.) and she wont understand.

Maybe I met somebody who is like me. It has always been easy for me to get girls if I wanted to and now that I actually like somebody, maybe I am the one that is being played.
I hope I made some sense. basically, what should i do? should i talk or not, i am afraid it might break the whole thing. If she is like me and treats me the way i treat/ed girls then as soon as she will realize that I want something more she will back away immedeatly. i dont want that.
take care and thanks a lot

Cinnamon

How much longer are you in Europe? Will you see her once you leave?

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OrdinaryGirl

If you don't tell her how you feel, you will always wonder and feel regret. If this girl is different, get her alone and talk to her honestly. What do you have to lose?

asdasd123

i will be here until june. i am not sure if i will see her after school is over, it all depends on how things will go between us. if you are asking me if i would want to see her after, then yes, i would. i will be probably getting MBA in the states so it wont be that hard to see her next year if she wanted to.
i am flying to amsterdam with some friends tomorrow for the weekend, she is going to be there. i want to spend some time with her alone, to be honest i dont even know her that well, but with every other day that passes i think i realize that she is just sleeping/hooking up with me...hopefully i am wrong

asdasd123

my phone didnt work in amsterdam so I couldnt meet her there plus I had leave the capital for a few days for possible work opportunities. i came back on sunday, bumped into my friend in the street and he said that she left on saturday night but was staying in the same hotel with me.... great timing right?

its getting colder and colder. i dont know if its akward or if she is just gradually trying to get rid of me, brushing me away. always running somewhere, no time to talk etc.

i want to end this. uncertainity, anxiety, feelings of being used or not wanted are killing me so i have to know what she thinks and feels if anything.

should i just grab her tomorrow and talk to her. what should i say? i cant wait for the weekend, for a better moment, a quiet place .....beause thats another week of feeling like crap. we will probably hook up again and then she will leave.

in the back of my head i know that this is the right thing to do but i am afraid that she might freak out or it might complicate things even farther. maybe she could turn it around and use it to distant herself from me..........

Cinnamon

Only one way to find out, and that's to ask. I know that is going to take every nerve you have, cause it's never easy to open yourself up.

Maybe try asking something like "Is this just a physical thing or could it lead to something else?" I would try to make it as non-clingy as possible, just you trying to figure it out what she wants out of it. Let her answer that before you spill your guts and freak her out if she just wanted a fling.

If you find out that she just wanted a fling, then maybe bring up that you would like to get to know her as a person/friend better and would like to try to keep in touch. She may be distancing herself to protect her feelings since she knows you're eventually leaving. I hope you find the right words. Good luck

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asdasd123

i talked with her today. it sucked.

as i said, i knew that she would react this way but i still kind of comfroted myself with the hope that she will be more understanding. She just listened, smiled and did not really say anything significant. She just evaded the whole thing and she was really good at it. I know exactly what she did. Its as if you are talking with somebody, the conversation ends, you walk out and all of a sudden realize that this was basically a monologue and the other person did not say anything.
It was hard because I am usually never sincere about my feelings, especially with girls. I usually never open up to any of them and when they confront me, tell me that they love/like me i lean away from the questions and try to never say that I like them as well. The last thing I want to do is hurt someones fillings so I never make any verbal claims and she did the exact same thing.
Its kind of like spilling your guts to a brick wall, so at least now I know first hand that I have been insencere to many girls before in the exact same way.

I am starting to think that this is retribution for what i have done in the past.


I walked her home, we talked mostly about fluff.


well sigh.....i mean, i dont know. i'll see what happens. its just very strange and really makes me think about other things that i have done. i realize that i have been with girls that i didnt really know and it didnt bother me and now that the tables are turned, i am the one feeling like crap because i barely know her.

i am also starting to think that could it be that i want her so bad is because she is not as easy as the others. There are a ton of guys around her trying to get her attention all the time but she doesnt really flirt back. as i said she is gorgeous and models for DG during the summer.

I am worried about this because i am afraid that once i get her full attention, not just hooking up and sleeping, i will loose interest in her. I will hate myself if that happens becuase i would not want to hurt her.
i am a really flustered right now and kind of rambling here............

OrdinaryGirl

Well, if nothing else, you've learned a lot about yourself and how you want to treat the girls you meet in the future. That is a good thing.

You can't make people love you. If she's not interested in you that way, then there won't be anything you can do about it. I like how you are examining whether a lot of it has to do with "the thrill of the chase" and whether you'd lose interest if you got her. It's a good thing to know yourself well.

When you find the right girl, it will be a mutual feeling of interest and it won't be about the chase. It will be about what you share together.