Bigeme

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So, I met this girl recently. She just so happened to be my lab partner for my physics class and shes in my major and we have at least two possible 4 classes together next semester. Anyway we spent a good deal of time this semester working on our labs. In fact a lot more time than was necessary and not a lot of it was spent working on labs.

Well, we were just kinda talking and well at least I percieved a great deal of flirting (way more touching than is appropriate for school work, whatever), and all of the sudden she interjected something about her boyfriend. Then she decided that she was done with the lab and we went our own ways. I walked her to her car said goodnight etc.

Now, I get an impression that she likes me, but I'm not completely sure. Also her boyfriend is a douchebag (At least that's my impression. He goes to Duke for one and just little things she would drop to me about him sound awfully lame).

Is there anything I can do to try and get in there? or is patience my only choice? How can I cross the line from a friend from class to more without seeming like I'm trying to break them up?

Also I don't think she drinks and I drink heavily. I could stop at least when I'm with her or going to see her, but I don't think that I would stop drinking with my friends. Do you think that that would be a problem?

zeppy

Don't bother. If she cheats on him with you, she'll cheat on you too.







Wow... that rhymed.

Bigeme

I'm not looking to make her cheat on him, but to at least prevent myself from getting deferred to friend status.

G-Curl

just talk to her about it, sounds simple because it is. If she doesn't drink that doesn't necessarily mean she's against it but if she is you're probably better off finding someone that you won't have to hide aspects of your life just to be with.

Bigeme

Oh she knows I drink and I'm pretty sure shes not opposed to it. She just wants to be a doctor, so she doesn't mess around. Anyway thats not my question, that was just a side note asking if anyone who drinks has ever dated a non-drinker.

Mule_Hammer

Ask her out "as friends"
Take someplace non-threatening, like a coffee shop and just talk and flirt with her.
DON'T use corny, bullshit lines like "I wish you didn't have a boyfriend..." "If only you were single..." "God you're so beautiful..." or "What about you and me?" In fact, as a rule of thumb, don't utter any phrase that isn't followed by another one, unless it's a joke.
If you wait for her reaction, you just used a line.

Tell her honestly and simply that you're very attracted to her, you like spending time with her and you feel like she flirts with you too. You aren't trying to break up her and her bf, but you don't want to miss the opportunity to date her.

You won't look like a couple-wrecking asshole, or a melodramatic douchebag. If she's interested, she'll take you up, if not, move on. Don't think, however, that her having a bf locks you out. After all, she's in college and he goes to another school, so they've probably been dating since high school. I wouldn't be surprised if she was ready to move on.

doctorH

i'm in a similar situation myself, only mine is a year removed from her high school sweetheart/ex-fiance...the first thing you've gotta do is put your pride on the line and let her know you're interested. whether it be sitting her down and telling her, or just a simple, thoughtful act that might be out of the ordinary for a friend...or for that matter, twist some general physics talk into personal/relationship/sexual topics to associate yourself to that train of thought with her. odds are it'll be a slow process of getting her to leave the lame-o over at duke (that is exactly what you want her to do and i suggest not acting like your supportive in her staying with him) for you to work your way in, but you've got to let her know that she has your attention and go from there.

i also share a bond with the little brown bottle, and as long as you can control the urge to consume in favor of her, it shouldn't be an issue...if you've been out of control in her presence, she may already have her mind made up about your habits, but that can be changed by showing consistant control in the future. depending on her views on the subject and the strength of her opinions, it could be a troubling topic, but while things are in the early stages of getting to know each other, you have plenty of time to find out how strongly against drinking she may be and where she sees you on the lush scale and, again, go from there...

Bigeme

Thanks a lot. That's some good advice.

Mule_Hammer

sooo... how'd it go?

britishtarheel

Hmm. Same thing kinda happened to me, and I go to UNC too, so i feel the whole Dook sucking, that should be reason enough for him to be a douche. jk. but yeah, i mean in some regards i think that if she will cheat on him with you, what does that say about her character? Also, you can't play the role of home wreaker. Sometimes girls are too afraid to leave guys cuz they think there is nothing else out there for them. So, when she sees that there is possibility then she might leave him anyways. I agree to just ask her out as friends, be there for her, all that stuff if you really do like her. You just have to play casual friend, but be agressive and let her know you are interested and if she really likes you she will leave the guy. and if not, you are wasting your time. You shouldn't compromise who you are tho, then it's not worth it. Put yourself in her shoes tho, sometimes the hardest thing is taking the leap into the unkown, sometimes its safe to stay where you know, even if the dude is a duche. Be sympathetic, but not obessive. You gotta also think about what will happen IF she does dump this guy. How long have they been dating, there is usually left over baggage, and you shouldn't have to deal with that stuff. Just wait it out, and be there for here, but don't get tied down before she is willing to committ, keep your eyes open for other people too. Thats my advice